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Author Topic: Why is it so confusing to have a friend of the opposite sex

February 20, 2020, 04:14:26 PM
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Sammy


I have a male friend from my former work. We are just friends and we hang out sometimes. We don't work together anymore. Haven't for years. Before I would be the one who would text him first, most of the time. Just to say hey or invite him for coffee. Last year he send me a message first and we got together for coffee. Not sure why but he kissed me then. I told him that I just wanted to be friends even though I have had a crush on him since we met. Few days later I asked him why he did that and he told me he wasn't making a move but that he was down and needed some tlc. I thought that was really nasty and not sure what type of woman he thinks I am to just kiss and cuddle people willy nilly without it meaning something. Sorry old fanshioned. Or if that was just an excuse because I turned him down.

At one point I asked him to be more considerate and message me sometimes and not wait for me to do so. Strangely enough he has been doing so. Once in a while he will message me. Which to me means that he is trying. But why would you try if you got nothing to gain or no special interest in a person.

Fast forward to 2 weeks ago. He messaged me and was very clearly flirting, very clearly and he was bummed when I told him we couldn't meet  because I was busy for work for at least 2 weeks. Next day he even messaged me during his working hours and was flirting all night. The day after not one single message.

I honestly don't get what he wants. Deep down I would love to be in a relationship with him but I already told him no for good reasons. Which are too complicated to get into. And seeing as his reasoning last year I am not even closely going to give into his flirting in case he really just wants some attention and nothing more. I am just not comfortable with that. I really don't want to lose him as a friend but this is so incredibly hard to deal with. He just doesn't realise what this does to my head.

February 20, 2020, 10:41:15 PM
Reply #1
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hobgoblin


He wants to have a sexual connection with you. Cuddling, kissing and penetrating women is the means by which men bond with and develop an emotional connection with a woman. It feels far better than being a woman’s platonic friend alone of which men really don’t get much satisfaction or benefit from. Women get satisfaction and benefit from it but men don’t. You might look at that superficially and just say men are just after sex in which case you have entirely missed the point. You’re torturing this man but if you want to show him some compassion then you should either offer him a relationship or stop talking to him because friendship from a woman is worth nothing to a man.

February 21, 2020, 12:24:25 PM
Reply #2
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Sammy


Thank you for your honest opinion. I do appreciate it. If men really do need cuddling and stuff to have an emotional connection, I am screwed. What happend to dating and getting to know each other, falling in love before any of that cuddling and stuff? Although we can skip the getting to know each other part. But still... And the fact that he kissed me last year, before I turned him down. And he then said he just felt down and needed some tlc. What is that about? How do I know his flirting a few weeks ago wasn't for that same reason. I am sorry but I am just not that type of person who can be used to just make someone cheer up and to be honest, I thought he had a little more respect for me. I am not torturing the guy. I am sure he enjoyed his life after that flirting while I can't get him out of my mind. 😂
You know the funniest thing when we were at our corporate Xmas party a few years ago, I was standing against a wall talking to him and he had to step forward to let someone pass so he pushed him self up against me and looked at me apologetically. I felt that spark then. Not sure if one feels that it's always mutual but yeah. I really do like the guy but I just can't be in a relationship with him.

 

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