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Author Topic: Why are men lying so much that they want relationship?

August 17, 2019, 07:59:30 PM
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Kaya12


Hello All,
I am 27, I don't have much success with online dating. I was doing it intensively for the last couple of months and I met A LOT of men. I don't understand one thing, why do they make so much effort to pretend they want a relationship. I am shy, calm, smart, average looking, girl, definately not ONS type.
Lately I was dating (1,5 month) a guy who wrote in his bio that he's not interested in ONS/FWB. He told me he's looking for a relationship, he's ready to start a family. While we were dating he was always smiling at kids, making plans with me, we kissed on 4th date. After that he started to be touchy-feely and actually didn't want to get to know me on deeper level. Moreover, he was using Tinder all the time while telling me he's not talking to anyone but me.
Then I met a "gentelmen" type of guy, very articulate, smart. He was telling me from the beginning he is looking for serious relationship, that he's religious, we were talking a lot of what kind of relationship we are looking for, our personalities. On our date he was very nice and respectful. After few days, he asked me to send him a selfe (I declined as on my dating profile I have 5 pictures..) and then he started to bring up sexual topics (just one week after our first date!!).
How can I recognize these men?? They seem so serious and honest at the beginning!

August 20, 2019, 08:44:33 AM
Reply #1
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chrishen


It's going to happen. Some men will say it because that's exactly what girls say on their profile. They ALL say No FWB/ONS. So what's a guy going to do? Tell you what you want to hear. Use your own words to built rapport.

You seem like you're doing ok. These guys seemed to have pulled a bait and switch on you but you stuck to your guns. Keep doing what you're doing. Measure them for how much they invest with time and energy. You seem like you have a good eye for it, which shows you have boundaries.

Usually guys after ONS will only invest 1 date, if that, before trying to make it sexual. The guy who committed to 4 dates, I guess was just willing to play the long game. Difficult to catch them out, but you seemed to be able to do it.

You'll be ok. Keep on doing what you're doing. Focus on actions not words. Talk is not only cheap, its free!

August 21, 2019, 09:42:36 AM
Reply #2
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sam1989


I dont like people who lie to get their way. Please listen to your heart and stay or move on. It is better to be with a truthful person and not with someone who lives and hides under a veil of lies. Good luck to your future, you seem like a very nice woman. You will find a great man :)

August 22, 2019, 12:42:03 AM
Reply #3
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Ocelot


If a guy is saying straight away that he is looking for a relationship, kids, comittment, etc........run!  He's saying what he thinks all females want to hear so he can win you over and possibly get sex from you.  If a guy is genuine he won't say those things up front because he needs to get to know you for awhile before he knows whether he wants a relationship with you, and he won't lead you on with empty words.

August 24, 2019, 08:05:39 AM
Reply #4
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Jamesw742


You have to be careful about who to trust ans to start a sincere relationship with.

She said she was sorry and that she would stop immediately, but even since then condoms have been mysteriously disappearing and reappearing in her purse. I want to forgive her, in my heart I have, but in my head I need to get out. The only thing keeping her with me is that I think all she wants is the house we live in. We bought it in November of 2013 using my retirement savings for the down payment. She brought absolutely no money into the purchase of the house, which didn't bother me at the time, but now I feel like she is just going to screw me right out of my house (which doesn't even feel like home for me anymore) and my future, but thanks to
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October 07, 2019, 03:15:25 AM
Reply #5
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Poisonkitty


Unfortunately this is the world of online dating.

A profile doesn't always speak the truth, as they say what you want to hear and not what is actually true.

Just be honest and yourself with these men. The right one will show up eventually.

October 07, 2019, 04:20:13 AM
Reply #6
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Taylorjordan1999


Try looking in places where you like to go. Like coffee shops, or a park, or something like that. I usually do this because they might have something in common with me!

October 09, 2019, 06:49:27 PM
Reply #7
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peony0099


I'm in the same boat as you. I'm 28 and have met MANY men within a few months of online dating. Most of them are gentleman and seemingly respectful. They take me to nice dinners and pay for them. On their dating profiles they write that they value honesty and that they're looking to take things slowly in hopes of a meaningful connection. My own dating profile even states "no hookups".

But I've learned that men will do anything to get a woman to trust them. Attractive men tend to be great talkers.

Listen to their words but observe if their ACTIONS match their words. Trust your gut. If he makes you feel uncomfortable in any way, even if seemingly ungrounded, he's not the one for you.

They should not be talking about commitment right off the bat. it should be about getting to know you. Are they asking lots of questions? Do they ask "how about you?" when you ask them a question?

October 14, 2019, 04:47:17 PM
Reply #8
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kwalt16


I am dealing with this issue as well. Even when you get into a relationship with them they sometimes say they aren't sure what they want in life, etc. it makes me feel like they were just using me the whole time for sex.

December 24, 2019, 06:58:28 PM
Reply #9
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Better off Single


Because if they tell you the truth, they won't get the golden ticket into your pants.

December 24, 2019, 07:08:20 PM
Reply #10
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Better off Single


He probably is interested in a relationship, just not with you. Don't take it too personally. That's the name of the game when it comes to online dating.  A man is not going to turn down the opportunity for sex. When you're online dating, you want him to chase you. When you sleep with him, the chase is over, and he got his reward for doing so. There's no reason for it to continue. Hold off on the sex, play a little hard to get while getting to know him better. maybe you will end up deciding he isn't the one for you. If he loses interest in the process you find out what his intentions were. Win win for you. Do not chase after him because he's pretty much a kid in a candy shop.

December 25, 2019, 01:52:44 AM
Reply #11
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dogfishcat


Here's an important question that hasn't been addressed yet:

What kinds of guys are you going for? Are they attractive, rich, overall desirable? Are you aiming "above your league" so to speak?

Because the truth is, those highly attractive guys have options. If you give them attention, they'll gladly take you for a spin, but then they'll keep looking for the model-esque woman to seriously date.

I don't know anything about you, so I can't say too much. But you gotta look for guys in your league. Tons of genuine guys out there would love to get a chance with someone like you, they're just probably not 6' tall with a 6 pack and making 6 figures.

December 25, 2019, 03:31:51 PM
Reply #12
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Marsq


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December 30, 2019, 05:37:35 PM
Reply #13
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desree


Many times when we don't look we find.  Fall in love with yourself first, appreciate you, see the beauty within you internally as well as externally.  Be comfortable with the skin you are in.  Feel good about yourself and be happy with you.  Remember likeness attracts likeness.  The energy you put out is the energy you will get back. Even though I am typing these words it makes no difference if you don't apply and believe it, because you have to change your mindset first and foremost in order to bring about a change.   Who cares if these guys are all about games, as long as you stay true to yourself, you will detect it right away and you find the right person for you.  Don't care so much about meeting a man.  Focus on really getting to know you and know what you like and dislike and the rest will follow. Lasting love relationships is a great place to start, you might read something that may catch you eye.
I’m a friend; first, something I don’t take lightly.
I am a writer for children’s books. and I own publishing company, and a daycare center.  In addition I am one of the writers for lastingloverelationships.com

January 31, 2020, 11:21:22 PM
Reply #14
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desree


take your time. if neither of them can't wait cut your loses and move on.  don't invest too much.  this way you won't get hurt. at the end of the day it's not really about them it's all about you. just enjoy the moments you are with each of them and leave it at that, don't expect too much and you will be alright
I’m a friend; first, something I don’t take lightly.
I am a writer for children’s books. and I own publishing company, and a daycare center.  In addition I am one of the writers for lastingloverelationships.com

February 02, 2020, 04:16:44 PM
Reply #15
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SomeGuy


My best piece of advice would be don't have sex with them for a long time. If a guy is serious about something long term he will agree to meet up with you and spend time with you whether you're putting out or not. If they're still trying to keep in touch with you after a month or two then you can assume they're looking for something long term. It also sends out a good message to men who are looking for a loyal girlfriend and potential wife. If you sleep with a man after a week he's just going to assume you're a slut. He'll be delighted your a slut but he wont stick around because he knows If you're fast with him then you're probably fast with everyone.

February 04, 2020, 10:17:39 PM
Reply #16
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Eggcellence


I’m sorry this happened to you, there’s too many people like this in the world. Just keep trying and you’ll eventually find someone who doesn’t want just those things. I know it doesn’t seem possible now but just keep looking.

June 21, 2020, 11:38:31 AM
Reply #17
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Psychic Healer Kenneth


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June 22, 2020, 01:43:51 PM
Reply #18
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robindownes455@gmail.com


Online dating is hard I ran into alot of that stuff you are going through hang on there eventually  you will find someone  who really  d ok as want   relationship  it just takes time

June 22, 2020, 03:32:44 PM
Reply #19
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doniecindy


I am a victim too of the same deception. I just found out that my bf is married with a kid.  I guess some men are born predator and would do anything to lure a girl just to get into her pants. 

June 30, 2020, 10:12:39 AM
Reply #20
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SpideyV


As one poster said it's going to happen. I have bad experiences with dating online I always meet the guy who says he is perfect (but has issues, is usually insecure, jealous, possessive..) and wants a relationship they're the worst.I personally think there's a thrill when the guy lies about his true intentions because he knows that women love to be wooed then end it with "I am not interested".

July 01, 2020, 03:37:52 AM
Reply #21
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MaryT89


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July 01, 2020, 06:07:41 AM
Reply #22
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MaryT89


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July 07, 2020, 10:47:02 AM
Reply #23
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dafadil111


Kaya12,

Look for solutions. You are at the point of struggle with men who do not seem serious about commitment after a certain point in dating. No worries. As you peruse the roster of “available” men online, you will certainly come across a few good men whose character matches their profile.
 
In order to have the patience to find “a few good men”, understand that a need to commit does not necessarily match with a desire to commit. These men you are approaching based on their profile may not be aligning what they say they want with what they actually desire. Not everyone knows what they truly want at any given moment. Not everyone has the capacity to be honest with themselves to communicate that what they say they want now is actually what other people want for them now.
 
For example, a man who states a desire for commitment on his profile may in fact think he wants that at some future point, but not at the time that he is dating you. He may have societal and familial pressures that underscore attention towards a lifestyle he feels he needs to contribute to. But he may not actually be ready to commit to anyone woman yet.
 
The reality is he may not be that into you in the ways that match you energetically (everything is energy). And that can totally be ok! Thankfully, it only takes a few dates for you to see that. 
A real bonding occurs when there is an energetic matching from two people. What you are experiencing is an energetic mis-match. He wants to have his ideas of fun and you want something different. Commitment or not, you may not like a man’s idea of “fun” and sexual expression.
 
(How can I recognize these men??) In order to understand the actions of the men you are dating, each one would need to be completely honest with himself, to be honest with you.
 
Next time, try focusing on exactly what you want. (All kinds of desires matter, so get creative.) Be thoroughly honest with yourself in your profile and IRL on dates. You may find that the energetic output from your fully formed ideas of what you want will attract the men that match those ideas. And your energy will likely detract those that are not honest about their current desires in dating. You will be too much of an energetic powerhouse to be messed with!

Read more intuitive Q&As like this at [dear intuition dot com]

July 08, 2020, 10:48:35 AM
Reply #24
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snoo234


I think thats just one of the risks of dating? youre going to meet a lot of bad ones before you find the right one

July 20, 2020, 02:46:37 AM
Reply #25
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sorokin1991


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July 22, 2020, 06:34:25 PM
Reply #26
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43v3r


Hey lover an friends,

I wanted to ask...

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Does he say one thing and do another?

Like...

Saying he's going to call...but then????

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July 23, 2020, 11:43:31 AM
Reply #27
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Jones Matthews


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July 27, 2020, 12:33:51 PM
Reply #28
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alyssamo


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August 05, 2020, 05:11:22 PM
Reply #29
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butterflydream


I couldn't agree more with peony0099 "listen to their words but observe their ACTIONS". Sound advice.

I'm struggling too with someone I met online. (I started a post a couple of days ago and am waiting for advice on this website).

It's really hard for me to understand why they say one thing and yet seem to do another.

Keep your head up, stay true to yourself, and don't let anyone tell you you're not good enough.

August 06, 2020, 05:08:24 AM
Reply #30
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millionaire4646



I believe  that life is a journey where we stumble and fall and man just do not lie like that
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August 09, 2020, 12:48:03 AM
Reply #31
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August 17, 2020, 12:27:57 PM
Reply #32
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shabry98


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