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Author Topic: Who do I choose? - TLDR at the end

March 09, 2020, 04:08:21 PM
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Purgamentum


Currently I am in a relationship with someone I have loved for many years, but we have only just gotten together officially this past year. There are many amazing aspects to the relationship however, there are parts to it that make me very uncomfortable.

For starters, he is an extreme extrovert, and I am an introvert. He has a lot of friends and they often come over, or ask him to hang out. He has a lot of troubles saying no to people, so he often says yes without my opinion. We are unable to have serious conversations as he feels they are unnecessary/most issues shouldn't be a problem and you should just let life take its course, which is not how I think at all. He smokes and drinks every day; not an obscene amount, but enough that worries me for his future health if he continues to take in substances over a long period of time. I also feel he doesn't really know what I like, nor does he pay attention to what I like unless they are simple/easy-to-remember.

Meanwhile, another man that I know is everything anyone would want in a person, or at least that's what my friends are telling me. He knows everything I love, and if he feels he won't remember it, he writes it down. He'll buy me little gifts here and there, and we're extremely open with one another during conversations. His maturity level, interests, and way of life are similar to mine so it feels like it should be a perfect match. And yet whenever my friends say I should break up with my current partner to be with him, I can't help but think about how unbelievably happy and light my partner makes me, despite these little issues.

So, am I completely exaggerating/expecting things to be progressing more quickly than they should be? Or am I really with someone that in the end, will cause me more hurt than happiness.

TLDR: One man makes me extremely happy, but causes me distress with his substance habits and emotional immaturity. The other man can give me everything I've ever wanted, and understands me, and yet, doesn't make me as happy as the other.
"The happiest people don't have the best of everything, they just make the best of everything."

March 13, 2020, 07:10:59 PM
Reply #1
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Misspink


It seems like you are struggling to decide if you should listen to your heart or your mind, the first guy being the one you would pick with emotion and the second one being the rational choice. It's a very hard decision but I'd say instead of weighing their pros and cons look within yourself. Look at your past and see how you made choices before, rationally or emotionally, how did that turn out for you? Do you think that your heart could never get over the first guy, or do you think that someday you might say you were dumb for not picking the second guy? You need to figure out your own priorites, if I told you what I think based on mine there's a 50 precent chance that I'd steer you towards the wrong choice. There is also the possibility that neither of them is right for you. If you have such a hard time choosing and you can find faults with both of them that could be a sign it's about time to go single for a while. You don't NEED to choose, you can always focus on yourself and stay out of releationships until you know excatly what you want. And if either of them is the one he'll come back when the time is right, or you might just find someone that you will never need to question.

 

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