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Author Topic: What should I think about him?

March 26, 2020, 06:50:59 AM
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So, hello everyone. I hope you can help me. I met a guy online, middle-aged, divorced. We talked on the phone a couple of times and he told me right away that his marriage was a mistake because he was a young immature boy and he didn't love his wife so they speparated. After that he started dating one of his coworkers, he was her boss and, as he told me, because of that they had to hide their relationship for a couple of years (!). He said that she was a really nice, helpful and supportive girl but he was not so much into her and he was also busy setting up his own business at that time. It all changed after 3 or 4 years and he said he was falling in love with her more and more and was gradually fully opening his heart for her. But unfortunately the first couple of years of this secret relationship were too much for her and she found another guy and started cheating on him for a couple of months. He said he knew he deserved that but at the same time it really broke his heart. It all happened 2 years ago and now he is looking for somebody again. My question is: is it possible that he learned from his mistakes and changed? I like him but I am too old to be in a strange relationship with no commitment on his part. I appreciate that he is honest with me and that he knows he was immature but is it enough for me to believe him? Please help.

March 26, 2020, 07:51:18 AM
Reply #1


He told you his past, that doesn't mean he's going to hurt you the same way and make the same mistake. I think it's a great thing about him, to be this honest with you. I think he's looking for someone who can actually accept the way he was or still is. I think you should see how this story goes. There is no redflags for me. Everybody has emotional baggage.
You are maybe insecure with your own past story and scared to be hurt. It's only if you try that you can actually know, but I think don't set too many expectations on what he is or would be. Just appreciate the relation and don't ask yourself too many questions, right now you don't seem to know the guy. Let yourself be surprised.
Live. Just live.

March 26, 2020, 08:12:35 PM
Reply #2


The big questions is, do you believe him? How long have you known this guy? I think you should wait a couple months and see how serious he is. I totally understand since I am in the early 30s. We got no time to waste on someone who is not looking for long-term. I would say, get to know him better and see where it goes. Did you ask him what is looking for?

March 27, 2020, 05:33:56 AM
Reply #3


Well, I did ask him about that and he said he is looking for a serious long-term relationship. Do I believe him? I definitely appreciate his honesty, he told me everything on his own initiative so that looks promising. He texts me and calls me so he is interested, but Im not sure what to think about the fact that he was hiding his previous girlfriend and their relationship. He told me a lot about this girl and I checked her on social media and she looks like a really nice, warm woman, so I'm wondering if she could be so naive for such a long time?

March 31, 2020, 01:50:09 AM
Reply #4


A history of cheating can lead to many expectations for both of the spouses

The best way to better understand the relationship between the two of you is communication and expecting the right mutual outcome from both ends. If you decide on a good time you can bring up trust in a conversation, and how both you and him can communicate, can lead to a better more mutual feeling between the both of you when it comes to understanding trust in the relationship.

You can grow trust out of no where, with the bases of good communication and expectations on both ends.

April 05, 2020, 12:56:42 PM
Reply #5


I'm afraid to upset you, but I think that he hasn't changed. Now he trusts and tells you everything, like to mistress, when he lied to his wife. I think that you will be in the place of the wife whom he was deceiving, in the end of your relationships. If you are looking for a serious relationship, this is not exactly what you need.
I can say this for sure, because in marriage I realized that people don't change. I had a wife, and she trusted me all things, talked about her previous relationships and said how she was cheating on her ex-husband. I believed her when she said that she would never do it again. But soon after registering our marriage, I had to filing for divorce in pa . I found out that she cheated on me when she accidentally received a message on her phone when she was in the shower. I read it and got it. She still sleeping with those guys with whom she cheated on her ex-husband. The only thing she got from me is the second divorce in her life.
I would really like to make a mistake in the assumptions about your boyfriend, but I'm afraid that the practice is on my side.

April 06, 2020, 05:01:15 AM
Reply #6


I honestly understand why you are scared, but the problem is we can only make hypothesis on how he could be as a person, the answer to this question is if you try, you will know if he's going to make you feel the same way as the cheating woman.
The problem is for me, if you refuse to get hurt then you refuse probably all relationships...I'm not saying go and get hurt with this guy, but maybe he's a good guy who learned his mistakes, or maybe he's the same guy who didn't change. Both sides work. Because you can meet some other guy, but you seem to like him ?
So I have a question for you, ( as @Piscesgirl2019), how long have you known this guy? Do you want to try? Did you meet him in real life? Do you feel great when you're with him?
Live. Just live.