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Author Topic: What should I do?

February 16, 2019, 11:32:48 AM
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I have been talking to someone since late July of 2018. In early July, I left a controlling and manipulative man whom I was in a 6 year relationship with. The man I am talking to now left a 5 year bad relationship 2 months prior to mine ending. At first we started off as friends just cheering each other up. But it developed into something more. After a month of us talking, I tried asking him out. At the time he told me he wanted to get to know me better since both of us just got out of long term relationships, which is understandable. After a few months, we began having sex with each other, but still are not in a defined relationship. In November he hinted that he needs to stay single for now since he was about to become really busy due to the holidays. His career path requires a lot of his time, and he was working from 6am to 11pm from almost all of November to January. Still, he managed to at least message me and tell me that he missed me and everything, even if the messages weren’t as frequent. Now that the holidays are over, we are messaging regularly again and spending more time together. For Valentine’s day I got him a sentimental gift with a note asking him to be my Valentine. This was my way of asking him out, but I have noticed that he’s sort of oblivious, and something subtle like that sort of went over his head. He thought it was just a cutesy cheesy note for him when it wasn’t. I’m not a very confident person, so I’m scared to ask him out again since I don’t want to be rejected. Is there any advice I can get? And does it sound like he has good intentions? Or should I just end what we have going on?

February 17, 2019, 09:24:44 PM
Reply #1


Your fear of rejection is going to keep you from finding the answers you want. It is a risk, but the only way to know is to ask or act.  You said "Or should I just end what we have going on?" Why end it? If you think that is the answer then you should look rejection in the face and realize you have nothing to lose by asking him out. I say go for it.

February 21, 2019, 09:17:54 PM
Reply #2


Seems like he doesn't want a committed relationship at this time, which is understandable since he just left a bad long term relationship.  You asked him out already and he put it off, so he knows that you're interested in a relationship, but he won't entertain it again because he's not looking for that.  I think the question to ask yourself is how long will you be able to continue to be "friends with benefits"?  If you're not okay with that, then you should probably just ask him out again, and if he's still not ready then you should move on.

P.S. Try posting this question on the RGUE app (pronounced "argue") and see if you get some different insights.