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Author Topic: What should I do? Messy situation

March 21, 2020, 09:48:48 PM
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Emmmmminem


So I’m really confused at the moment. I am seeing this guy I used to see but he broke it off with me last year for “space”. I ended up finding out after we reconciled things that he done it to satisfy his ex. I fell for him and was really broken when he ended it and it made me really depressed and changed me. He did warn me that he wasn’t over her when I first started talking to him and didn’t want a relationship and I knew that but continued to fall for him.

Flash forward to when he made contact again months later. I was seeing someone else when he came back, so I had no proper intentions of us being anything more than friends with benefits. Things with the other guy went south and I ended it and pushed myself into this guy and used him as a rebound, much like he did to me. We had a talk and he said that he wanted to focus on me and him and see where we go and essentially didn’t want us talking to others, and I agreed. It’s been half a year now and I know I’ve let myself fall again, to the point where it hurts me knowing he still doesn’t want a relationship with me yet.

We spent New Years and valentines together and he always makes an effort to text me and make time for me but I’m getting scared he’s going to leave again. I keep comparing now to last year and it’s making me scared to the point I lose my appetite and cry a lot.

I had a talk with him a few weeks back to tell him I felt we were getting very comfortable again and that I was scared he was going to leave. He agreed and said he doesn’t want us to lead each other on and we should stay “friends”, and that he had no intentions on leaving. I don’t want to talk to anyone else and told him that, but he was acting weird and implying we should be talking to others. He kept saying things like “why don’t you want to talk to other people?” And “I can’t tell you what you can and can’t do”. I asked if he wanted to talk to others and he never gave me a proper answer.

I got upset and he said he wont talk to others, but I’ve noticed he’s been a bit suss with his phone hiding notifications and he has been getting messages from girls. I’ve gotten back on my tinder for the sake of my sanity, but I don’t want any of the guys I’m talking to. I only want him.

I don’t want to leave but I know it’s probably an option I have to take. I have never met a guy like him who I can relate so much to, and he is overall a very good person at heart. He told my sisters boyfriend on New Years that while he knows he doesn’t love me, he can definitely see himself falling for me. I’ve held onto hope that after all this time that could happen and I feel that’s the reason I’m still around. But my sister said if it hasn’t happened it probably won’t, and I should let him go. I don’t want to leave but I don’t want to hurt myself staying. What do I do?

March 22, 2020, 08:24:13 AM
Reply #1
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LilyPouille


Well, I guess you already know that you two don't have the same needs and expectations for this relationship. You fell for the guy,but he didn't.
For you mental health, you should let go this love. Because you will only hurt yourself if you keep seeing but want something more. I think you should move on and see other other people, go on dates and just live.
I don't think you should let him lead the relationship, when he wants, he choose to broke it off, when he wants, you are his friend with benefits. I don't think the guy wants to be in a relationship with you otherwise he would have done it a long time ago. Everybody deserves to be told the truth, I think he already told you he only wants to be "friends with benefits" but you only want to see what you only wanna see.
Plus, I think he might know you're in love with him and he actually plays with it. Maybe you two can be friends, but it might be difficult for you, since you want something more. It's up to you, about what you want of this relationship, if you want to be in this mood for a long time or you want some changes.

Lily
Live. Just live.

 

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