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Author Topic: What did my ex want from me??

August 18, 2019, 10:03:24 AM
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I’m having trouble understanding why this is happening. Whether it is my fault. Any advise will be very helpful. Sorry it will be a long story.

Me and my ex (i'll call him Ted) dated for about 4 years, the first 3yrs was amazing but in the last year we start to drift apart, he basically stop caring. I caught him flirting with a girl on fb, which he apologise and block her. About a month before he broke up with me, I notice he was interested in someone else but when I confronted him, he said I’m imagining things. After we broke up, I was heart broken and in pain but he was fine. I then found out that a week after the break up he got with that same girl. After the break up, when I see him at a mutual friend party he would purposely make out with a girl in front of me, or being rude to me and tell me to go away. I was really hurt by his actions and really hated him then.

Fast forward 1.5 years, I’ve finally pull myself together and focusing on me. Then he suddenly msg me wanting to meet up to apologise. He wanted to get back together and said how sorry he was for everything and he regret letting me go. We talked for hours and he said his a change man now, give him a chance to prove it. I still hated him but I also have feelings for him, so I didn't know what is the right thing to do. I don't know if I can trust him, but I also don't want to just ignore this chance to get to know him either to see if he changed.

I'm focusing on finishing my degree this year so I didn't want any distraction or really want to date anyone until next year.

Me: We can start of as friends, but I don't want to date anyone this year and if you find someone that you like along the way then go for it, don't wait for me.
Ted: Of course I wouldn't do that, I only want to be with you, have a future with you that why I'm here now. I will do all I can to be with you again.
Me: I don't have much feelings for you right now because I am still hurt by what you did in the past, but be patient and give me time to forgive you and to get to know you again. I can't promise anything right now, just let things happen naturally.

He start sending me good morning beautiful or call me gorgeous, it nice and all, I already told him to take it slow but he constantly flirting with me, sending me sweet msgs and it didn't take long before all my feelings for him started to surface again. At the start when he came back I was also talking to other guys casually, so I did tell him that as well, but he said as long as I give him the same chance as I'm giving other guys, he will be happy. I did stop talking to other guys after my feelings got stronger toward him. We met up again for lunch and walk down the beach, he keep asking for hugs, so I gave him a hug, then he ask to hold my hands and kiss me, but I feel it moving too fast, so I told him i'm not ready just take it slow please. He wasn't happy but said he understand.

We talk throughout the week and when Thursday came.
Me: So when are we catching up next?
Ted: Let me know when you're free since you're the one that always seem to be busy.
Me: No I'm not always busy, let me know when you're free and we can catch up.
Ted: No you let me know when you're free instead.
Me: Fine, what about we catch up Saturday?
Ted: I can do lunch but I'm busy in the afternoon/evening.
Me: Why would you keep asking me when i'm free when you're the one that are busy here. This is annoying.
Ted: Why is it annoying? I might have work its not like I purposely plan it over you.
Me: Then you should of just told me you're only free on Sunday. Don't worry about catching up then, we catch up another time.
Ted: when you get over your butt-hurt we can catch up sunday.
Me: Why you calling me butt-hurt, thats not very nice thing to say.
Ted: Well you're being immature so when you're ready you can msg me. Have a good day.
Me: Don't call me immature, I hate it when you used to do that. Don't bother talking anymore then.

That night he send a snapchat saying his doing a test at work, I was still mad but I send a snapchat back saying good luck. I haven't heard anything from him again. Friday came, no msg still, Sat came and nothing either, so when Sun approach I got really upset, for someone who said he miss me and want to make effort did not even msg me once to tell me he want to meet up.

That night I calm down and apologised for the fight.
Me: I'm sorry I got mad and make things difficult, it should of been a nice catch up for us. I'm having a lot of trouble dealing with my over flowing emotions at the moment with all these feelings coming back, mixture of happy, sad, angry, frustrated, excited, hate you, but miss him at teh same time. It was just all over the place, thats why I was cranky and lashes out.
Ted: Thats fine and all but I need space to think about this. I reply back to you after 3 days.

After 3 days.
Ted: I don't think we're compatible and that we will ever work cause you drove a division in our relationship from the beginning. If it started off bad already it will just get worst adn we will get stuck in a loop of misery. you're unreasonable, immature and like to throw a tantrum, I just don't want an immature relationship like this. you haven't change at all.
Me: I have changed, you just didn't give us the time to get to know each other, you just want to throw it all away after coming back and asking for a second chance. I was in a bad place and all I ask is for you to be understanding.
Ted: So now you're blaming me for not being understanding? that is exactly why I know you haven't change and still immature, you still don't respect other people decision and start blaming me.
Me: I didn't blame you, I just ask for you to be more understadning of my situation since how I feel was caused by you last year.   

I was really hurt by what he said but at the same time it made me think was it my fault, was i'm immature. I asked him to meet up and lets have a talk, but he refuse, I try to call him but he didn't pick up, then that night I called him again but nothing, suddenly he called me back, I picked up but nothing on the other side, I said hello and then I heard a girl voice saying "oh crap" and then hang up on me.

Through fb msg
Me: Who was that pick up the phone? Are you seeing someone? At least tell me, its rude to hangup on me and now ignoring me.
The next day
Ted: We can meet up and talk on the Sunday but we probably meet at 7pm.

I came and see him at 7pm.
Ted: I don't have much time, need to sleep for work early so lets make it quick. I felt really upset, like I meant nothing.
Me: I told you why I was action that way and it won't happen again I promise. I've decided not to think about the past anymore, so I won't feel angry at you and lash out anymore, trust me.
Ted: We're just not compatible so it won't work, I just want to be friends, can't we just be friends?
Me: Are you seeing someone? Was that the girl who accidently call me back that night? Is that why you decided that I am no longer worth your time or effort?
Ted: Even if I was seeing someone, you were the one that said I could.
Me: I did at the very start but then we started seeing each other, so how could you just decided to see someone else?
Ted: I just don't know what I want, and I feel conflicted at the moment. This is complicated so lets meet on Tue to finish this talk since I really have to head back now.
Me: Alright then let finish our talk on Tues. 

Monday came.
Me: are you still ok to meet tomorrow night? Its getting late so I msg again.
Ted: Sorry I can't meet up
Me: but you promise me.
Ted: My house got robbed so I need time to sort things out.
Me: Oh no, I hope there wasn't much loss and the dog is safe.
Ted: Yeah the dog is safe.
Me: We can meet up for the talk once everything is settle down with you. I do want to be there for you, hope everything work out.
Ted: you're sweet, I do appreciate it, but i don't want to string you along when I don't know what I want at this stage of my life.
Me: We can talk next time in person

Day passes by and I try to talk to him but he hardly reply.
Me: can we meet on the weekend?
Ted: No, I don't think we should meet anymore, we already had our talk, and it doesn't matter what you say it won't change my decision.
Me: I'm not planning to change your decision, it will just be a chance for me to say what I want and to get things off my chest. You can't just come back into my life, and say what you wanted to say and then leave.
Ted: Fine, we can meet on Sunday then.

Then Sat came:
Me: Hey don't for get we're meeting tomorrow. So what time you want to meet?
Ted: Oh I forgot its my niece B'Day tomorrow, I wont' be able to see you.
Me: You niece B'day doesn't' take all day, you can spare a little time for me. Stop ignoring me.
Ted: I just don't want to meet today, its my only day off this week and I don't want to feel miserable.
Me: How is meeting me make you feel miserable? and why so much excuses not to se me? What are you afraid pf?
Ted: Cause you cry and you make me feel bad and its just dramatic
Me: I said it will be a calm and cool conversation, its not going to be like you imagine can you just let us meet.
Ted: Fine if you let tomorrow go i'll meet you after work Tue, I promise.

Tues came.
Me: Hey hope you didn't forget about our meet up later. I see you at 6:30pm.
Ted: yes I remember, ok
Me: See you then

Then by 4:30pm I got a msg
Ted: We can talk over dinner, come to my place.
Ted: Sorry that was my work mate he took my phone.
Me: ok, all good
Ted: I have a girl now, just letting you know
Ted: Thats my mate again, sorry his a bit of a dick.
Me: ok, see you tonight.
Ted: I have to let you know when I finish, will see how I go.

Then by 7:45pm he send and msg and said on my way home now so tired. That was the last msg I heard from him. I msg and ask are we still meeting up, I called multiple times. I saw that he saw my msg at 11pm but no reply.

The next morning I msged him.
Me: You should at least men up and msg me to say sorry we can't meet and reschedule instead of ignoring me.
Ted: I didn't want to reschedule cause i don't want to see you, we got nothing to talk about.
Me: What happen to I promise, it one meet up to have a proper talk and you just going to avoid it?
Ted: I will do you a favour even though I hate doing this, but I'm blocking you, its the only way for you to get over me.

I tried to call him and then he block my number too. I was so hurt by his action, I just don't get why he can't face me, can't explain the sudden change in attitude, it been 2 months since he contacted me, how can he go from I want to be with you to I don't want to see you ever. It can't be from that 1 fight can it?

I msg him on snap chat.
Me: Why are you doing this? I just don't understand. If you have someone else then at least tell me that. I open up my hearts for you, gave you a second chance even after you hurt me.
Ted: Even if i'm is seeing someone else, it would of been after I broke it off with you
Me: That's not true because I've been waiting to meet up with you and still trying to to talk to you.
Ted: we're just not compatible, you make me unhappy and it cause my anxiety to flare up.
Me: What about the time we met up at the beach? You didn't have fun as well?
Ted: To me honest, not really, I was really stress.
Me: You don't talk about it, how will I know, you just look happy to me.
Ted: You were playing game with me from the start and I don't  like it. Also when we had that fight, it was a turn off for me.
Me: bur everyone fight and our fight wasn't even a big one and I already apologised for it.

Then the next day, at night, I randomly got a msg from him on fb and I thought he unblock me but it was a msg that say, bitch *** off you dog, then the next msg say, that wasn't me sorry. I was so shock, hurt, unable to think. I couldn't believed what I saw, I was furious so I called him and it was a chick who picked up.

Me: Did you send me that rude disgusting msg?
girl: Yeah that was me
Me: Can you put him on pelase
girl: He doesn't want to talk to you, so you should just leave him alone and stop bothering him. He doesn't care about you anymore, he doesn't want to see you just forget about it. Go find someone else to bother, go to tinder.
Me: I don't want to talk to you, can you put him on.

I feel so insulted that he would allow some girl talk to me like this, I was so hurt by what she said and just couldn't believe my ears. I hangup and just started crying, I haven't cried this much since he broke up with me last year, I feel so empty and lost. I just couldn't understand why he would do that to me. He or she then blocked me again.

I then went on snap chat.
Me: How could you let some random girl talk to me like that, after all the years we know each other, I thought we should at least have a certain level of respect for one another.
Ted: I'm sorry you got upset but I hope you respect my decision, we just not meant to be.
Me: Just remember that its your decision to let go and not give this chance a go, don't ever regrets it.
Ted: I don't know if I will or will not, but right now it feel like the right thing to do. We might be happier with other people because we just not compatible. It was your fault for playing game, it was your fault for having too much rules about not wanting to date this year and was still talking to other guys and making it difficult to catch up when I was making effort to ask.

I already explained why I don't want to date this year, I also said I stop talking to other guys and only focus on him and I already said sorry for being mad that day, what more does he want, why can't he understand. He said he hope we can be civil and stay as friends, if it meant it be it will. I then told him I don't want to be friends and he should stop making excuses for his action, at the end of the day he only running away cause he found someone else who is easier to get with then having to put effort into his ex who he know still mad at him and he will require to prove himself more. He then said his not seeing anyone and that I should respect he wish and stop trying to convince him what his feel is wrong. Then he block me on snap chat too.

Now I left feeling sad, confuse and angry. I just don't understand if two people have feelings for each other then why is it so hard to just give it a try. I can tell he no longer have the same interest like when he first approached me. I can tell he is seeing someone else not long after the fight since that time that girl call me from his phone, but I was hoping by talking to him he will come back to me and we can reconnect again. I try really hard but in the end he show nothing, did he really wanted me in his life, was all that just a lied, how can he just give up like that. Was it really my fault like he said? What should I do now? Should I give in and said we could be friends, should I continue to try?
« Last Edit: August 19, 2019, 10:08:31 AM by PandaPanda »

August 18, 2019, 10:51:56 AM
Reply #1


Let him go completely. He really can't be any clearer-he's just not into you like that anymore. Further more, he lost a lot of respect for you too letting those terrible things happen. If he cared at all her would never let another girl talk to you like that; you are better off without him. Figured out a way to heal, focus on your career, school etc. Also Block him! Don't give him a chance to make you feel anything! And don't look back, some people just want you to feel bad so they can feel better- don't be his emotional bag. Be successful at what you do, cause that is the best revenge. Also talk to someone- you need to get this completed off your chest. Remember above all, Love yourself :)

August 18, 2019, 06:43:46 PM
Reply #2


If you really like him, maybe you should try to find out about his ultimate need, and satisfy this need, this is how all relationships work, I've heard about the hero instinct in all men and how it has the power to control them, here is an article that will maybe bring the solution for you http://bit.ly/2KJ6pOV
Hello I'm interested in sharing and getting advice in the world of relationships, I'm ready to share all the things I learned along my experience and would like also to learn new things about relationships.

August 19, 2019, 08:43:46 AM
Reply #3


Thank you Sad417years for you comment. I completely agree with what you said, i will try and focus on myself and stop thinking about him.

I just feel so hurt from what he did and he made me feel like it was my fault we ended up like this. It make me think what if I didn't ignore him for 3 days but to msg him instead, or if there something else I could of done.