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Author Topic: Please Help am i emotionlly abusive??

September 01, 2019, 01:04:04 PM
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Hello I have been in a long-term relationship for a year and 9 months now. So our relationship how we met was on Xbox we started out as friends playing all the time getting to know each other talking about real things meaningful things. In our conversations we always connected. We started to realize that our feelings towards each other were changing  and becoming more he let me know that he was 17 he lives in Denmark I live in America where it is not acceptable at all to be with someone under 18. So I denounced my feelings and I ended up sleeping with my ex who was the same age as me.. he knew of this because he was still the friend that I talk to the person I could talk to you about anything. And I let him know how mine and my ex's relationship was. After explaining everything to him he explained to me that my ex was being very emotionally abusive to me and was using me a lot and made me believe that things would be different. thankfully I realized that they were never going to be different and I let him know the one night hook up we just had was a mistake with him and let him know that he needed to stay away from me because we were living together at the time so he needed 2 back off. Now probably a few weeks after that incident happened it was around November and the guy I was talking to he turned 18  I was very skeptical and was unsure of how things would go but he was always very mature for his age. Not your typical teenage guy. We had very deep meaningful conversations he was very romantic, very sure of , highly spoken, very intelligent and so I continued on letting my emotions and feelings grow for him. I decided to take a leap and try something new with someone I had so much in common with someone who made me feel like there could be light at the end of the tunnel for me again. And he felt the same.  I would say probably a months after we started talking and began a relationship. I started letting him know more about my life opening up to him letting him know about past abusive relationships letting him know about my abusive childhood that I had. The end of December my ex moved out down to Florida .  I expressed to my boyfriend how much I was happy that he was leaving.  In January Me and my boyfriend got in a small argument imnot for sure what about.  I was intoxicated and trying tocelebrate new years and my burthday and thia incidwnt happened and I ended up calling my ex to check up in him bc his situation was very depressive.  (His girl cheated in him left him and he lost his job.  So thats the reason he moved to flordia to live with his family. ) I talked to him about our relationship and how happy I was to be with him and how happy I was to have him and have found him and for him to be in my life. I ended up taking some funny little Facebook pictures with my ex cuz we've always had that kind of connection too where we can talk about anything and if we fell out then we could always get back to things it wasn't uncommon for us to stray away and then pick up where we left. Which he gave me an apology fir his behavior...So it wasn't unusual for me to come to him and talk to him about my relationship. My boyfriend also knew the relationship that I had with my ex it was always me feeling like I should be there for him and I've always been there for him if he needed me  because I considered him a friend .  Our relationship throughout the years after we broke up  which was in 2008 was very on and off. It was one of those things where when we got drunk we ended up having sex. And I let that go on for a very long time because I always had high hopes of us getting back together he always make me feel needed. You always make me feel wanted even though he had a girlfriend. He would always tell me how much he loves me and I will always fall for it. I finally ended it at the end of 2009. say it finally stopped. I continue to try to be his friend and even be his girlfriend's friend well we were all on a drug binge for 11 months. I ended all communication and contact with him in 2011 because I did not want to stay in the situation that I was in. It took me nine very long years trying to get over this guy and I was finally over him. My boyfriend didnt approve of me still trying to be friendly to my ex. and i get why bc i just slept with him and fell for his bullshit again.   But i felt like Now that he was out of state and i was with my new boyfriend i didnt feeI obligated to do those things but i still wanted to have in my life bc we have histiry and have been friends since 2003. My boyfriend clearly was very uoset and demanded for me to tell him how hes treated me all tgese years and remove him feom my life.  So to make my boyfriend happy and to prove to him that i loved him.  I did this for him and for myself. I called my ex and i let himk ow that all of the emotional abuse hes put me throw was not right and him using me and playing with my heart made me feel and that he ne ed not to wver communicate or contact me again.  My boyfriend seemed happy but still upset bc i objected to it at first and questioned his opinion bc i didnt understand why i needed to loose someonw i just wanted to be there as a friend for.  He would never listen to what i had to say about it.  So i let it go and dis as he said.  Bc i wanted to be with him and i loved him and trusted what he was saying was the best thing for us.  Moving on i let him k ow of the sexual encounters ive had.  We were being flirty and he wanted to hear about everything so inthought it was kinky and why not i have nothing to hide and i would tell him everything and anything. so i told him about my very best friend of 25 years when we were younger 14 years old we ended up having intercourse with each other. My mother passed away when I was 16 so I would say if I would have stayed where I was living we possibly would have had a relationship she was in love with me and i was with her but we nevwr .ade anything ifficial.  I loved my friend dearly and we were just children. But because of circumstances took us apart we stayed friends and throughout the years growing up I would say by the time I was 19 that was the last time I had any kind of sexual interaction with her. Whichbat that time was just holding hands and cuddling maybe a lil kissing bc i was in a relationship with my ex and he didnt mind that i showed my love for her like that.  I respected him and dis not let it lead to intercourse anymore.  After the last time i saw her. I havent seen my friend in 10years I felt like we should let our friendship flourish we do live apart she lives in Georgia and I live in Ohio so I never really got to see my friend a lot. As we've grown so have our relationship.  Saw her in 2014- 2015 and or friendship was just as strong and notjing sexual happened at all. I saw her again in 2017 and 2018 and again nothing was tgere. No feelings. Just pure friendahip and love.  I've expressed this to my boyfriend multiple times that our relationship is strictly based on friendship .  I mean this happened before he was even born so I feel like my past is my past and I cannot change it but I do assure him that nothing is going on nothing has gone on for quite some years now and that are only relationship is based upon friendship .  So pretty much after I told him about a lot of these things he felt like it was unfair for him to have to deal with these things  so he basically wanted me to get rid of my friends because he feels like he shouldn't have to deal with  our relationship . Or what I'm guessing is that the thought of it was too much for him.  I really don't know because he really  didn't tell me his feelings about it . it was kind of just  a  something he didn't want to deal with.he would nevwr hear me out on the situation and always accuse me of being manipulating and immature and nit being responsible.  He disnt think it was right to have frienda that you have had sex with.   Am i the only person in the world who k ows people who have stayed friends with their Exs?  Or people who have had sex with tbeir friends but stayed friends with them bc the friendship was worth keeping??  Am i teally a horrible human being for thinking this is absurb that he wants me to choose him over 25 years if friendship.  Nothing has happened bw me and my friend sexual since i was 19 and again i am 34 years old now we have grown from those feelings and wants.  I dont see or view her in that way at all. I feel like im constantly having to fight to keep my friend and he only thinks and feels like im choosing her over him.   Whats wrong with me?  The way i think is unnatural?  Ive also Stopped drinking doing drugs and smoking all for him.  I even got a  psychiatrist bc a lot of past abuse i never got help for it and he suggested i do that. Ive been extremly emotional and i lacked the comunication skills that he needed from me.  When he gets upset at me i use to just freeze up. And cry bc i didnt know how to react or what to say  or do the things he needed me to do. Like just liaten.  I thought i was listening to him by trying to explain the resons why i did something. Instead he just always wants me to acknowledge how i made him feel and apologize. And he would tell me im just making excuses.  Nothing i did was intentional. But evwrything i did and still do is a problem. I can never say what i want to say and if i feel differently or have another opinion about something.  He always says im playing. A victim or being immature.  When i start to talk about my feelings or i get emotional he valls me a drama queen. Hes even gone as far as saying i emotionally abuse him and ive explained everyhing to my therapist.   When we talks i try to answer what hes saying at the time or respond back hes co stantly yeling at me telling me im interrupting him.  I catch my self sometimes and ill stop but he will still gwt upset at me.  I have to spologize and acknowlege and understand everythingbthats being said. I feel like im apologizing for something every day bc he feels everything or theres a problem about something or i did something.  I dont kow what to do anymore.  For months now my crying has turned into anger.  I snap at him very easily.  Im uptight. I dont k ow what his next mood wil be ao i try to be as sweet as i can be and then somwthing will hapen and hismood changrs. He tells me im never trying or else he wouldnt feel the same. I try to not interrupt him. I try to listen and i communicate to try to work out things in our relatiinship way more than what i use to andits stil just not enough.  My friend got brougt up again this year he said hes stil not oky with her which i thought we sortrd this out last year bc he said he would tak to her. Fter an incident that hapened. We spent the day together and she caled.  She said she would like to get to know him and tlk and he pretty much just told me to have fun he was going to sleep.  So tht turned ito a big argument nd i explained to my friend hat our reltionship hs been like and she basically said hes gaslighting me and being controling. My therpist said he was being emotionaly abusibe. He says im being emotionally abusive.  I dont kow what im being except for im loosing my mind. I dont know how he wil react to me like ever. Bes loving then he turns on me. He listens when i have a bad day and super suportive but if its something that i feel differently about then he does wel now im a monster abuser.  I dont k ow what to do ever.  My therapist clairifed that i have depression ptsd and i have disassociate disorder. Ive been coping with these things as much as i can on top of not knowing how my boyfriend wil act towards me or the next thing he ill tell me ive done.  I cant ever tell him how i feel unless im being sweet and loving.  Atm i dont have my therapist but i need some kind of belp. I do t k ow what to do and this is killing me.  Hes mad at e now bc he told me his feelings about somethings.  I never keep my promises. I try to listen and be good. And it drives me crazy that he never listens to what im saying and just tells me im trying to blame him. Or play a victim so i get upset and explode.  I cant listen to him,my anxiety is out the roof i pace back and forth its like i have to just submit and say sorry and understand what hes saying and i hurt him this and i hurt him that and i never get to tell my side of the story.  He nwver wants to understand where i coming from ever.  Im crying so badly right now so im sorry if there is a lot of mistakes.  I just dont know what to do to make him hear me. And now hes basically broken up with. Example of me making him walk on eggshels. Yesterday i tried to talk to him about a conversation we had about my friend. Warm hearted calmand being loving. And he started to interrupt me.  I said can i continue please.  I dis and he interrupted me again.   My concerns are i dont k ow if hes jealous or our relationship or worried about something hapening but i told him i will nevwr end my relationship with my friend of 25 years he started interrupting me agai. And telling me to shut the F*** up. So now i cant express or tell him my feelings. So i try to be stern and twl himits not right he wants to just interrupt me and tal nast to me like that and i told him if thats how he wants this to go we can do that bc im trying to just talk to him and hes still talking while im talking and trying to tell me to shut up bc im interrupting him???   And he tells me he has to walk on eggshells bc he doeant know how im going to react to things be says....??  He just told me to shut the F up of course i was upset.  Hes being disrespectful and rude and he wont let me talk. I didnt scream or raise my voice or talk nasty to him. I told him exactly what i juat said.  Bc it isnt right.   Am i wrong i tried to stay calm until he said that to me.  Its so unfair then he turns it around like im being nasty bc im upset at how he just talked to me?  Everything has een my fault and hes the only.one who feels sad and hurt al the time and im abusisve bc i want to feel or express how im feeling.  I feel like i cant do this anymore and we cal each other husband and wife and i want to get help gain. But i cant afford it atm i just dont kow what to do.  Is it just me?  Am i realy just being emotionally abusive and hurtful?
« Last Edit: September 01, 2019, 05:28:34 PM by Misscherryb0mb »

September 01, 2019, 02:55:59 PM
Reply #1


Thats Long Distance Relationship* now for 1yr and 9months.  Im trying to get him to answer me but he wont talk to me.  I think this ia juat the end and i dont know what i have done


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