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Author Topic: unwanted relationship issues.

April 09, 2019, 07:31:16 AM
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katlunara


I've been in my current relationship for about 6 months now. Known the guy for about a little over a year. When we first met we both instantly clicked it was like we were meant to be together. We had problems along the way. We "fixed" it (explained later on). He has a lot more relationship experience than me since hes older. My only experience was the 1 ex i had that was long distance. The problems we were having was because of me. I didn't show him the love and care he wanted to see, something he always gave me. I just got too comfortable. Don't get me wrong i love this man with all my heart. I'd do anything for him. I want to be part of his life forever. We've already talked about marriage, he already proposed. But today he told me that hes getting tired and sad that I'm not pulling my weight like i should be doing. He reminds me that this isn't the first time this issue was brought up, and pretty much doesn't believe me anymore when i said i will show him how much i love him. I said it too much already and never did any kind of action. I accepted my fault. I'm just hurt that he pulled back from the relationship, until i prove to him my worth. He knows I love him a lot but he doesn't want to be hurt. I understand how he feels and i really don't want to hurt him. I just feel hate towards myself for being too comfortable with this relationship to ignore the fact that hes putting 100% of the effort while I'm probably putting in just 10%. My last relationship was the same situation but i didn't love the guy enough to really make it work so i ended it. I thought i could take what i learned from the previous and not repeat itself. Stupid me I did it again. This current relationship is different I can feel it. I don't want to lose him at all. I want to make it work. Got any advice?
« Last Edit: April 09, 2019, 08:31:56 AM by katlunara »
I'm always trying my best to help. I may not be the best, just know that i have tried.

April 09, 2019, 09:30:39 AM
Reply #1
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gibsonalexandria@ymail.co


He sounds narcissistic. What does he mean by pulling your weight? In what area and what is it that you have done wrong? I dont like the sound of "prove how much I love him" talk. Sounds very manipulative and trying to get you to do things he wants. Need a bit more detail in these problems he saying I guess.

April 09, 2019, 02:56:09 PM
Reply #2
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katlunara


He sounds narcissistic. What does he mean by pulling your weight? In what area and what is it that you have done wrong? I dont like the sound of "prove how much I love him" talk. Sounds very manipulative and trying to get you to do things he wants. Need a bit more detail in these problems he saying I guess.
Like i don't tell him i love him a lot when he does. He says he has to pull it out of me for me to say it. It's true i don't tell him a lot or if any at all. He doesn't want to feel like he's pressuring me to love him, and just wants to see that i really do love him.
I'm always trying my best to help. I may not be the best, just know that i have tried.

April 11, 2019, 09:57:47 PM
Reply #3
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naddie


I think for him, words mean more than actions (you should see the brain vomit I am about to post on my end, very much similar to your situation in parts). He wants some reassurance cause he is starting to feel insecure. He obviously loves you, and it pains him to feel it is not reciprocated in the same measure. I know it is probably uncomfortable, but open up to him a little more/often and see if that helps.

April 22, 2019, 11:58:41 AM
Reply #4
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lilbutterfly


Hey! I was in the situation your boyfriend is currently in since i was giving my ex more love than i received in return even tho im sure that she loves me a lot but it's prolly just her persona or bc she was scared or got too comfy too - talk to him and ask him in what ways he wants to experience that affection and try to write him maybe something cute every now and then, like to show that you love him - it's smth that you cant change from one day to to the other but you gotta try to get out of your comfort zone even tho it seems hard i promise it will be worth it and will make it easier for you both!

April 23, 2019, 01:19:19 AM
Reply #5
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CaraEmber


My boyfriend and I (long distance) have literally had to have discussions about our love languages because we show love differently. For example, he told me that he loved me before we were even dating (long history, so I won't get into it) but I didn't say those words until a few days into officially dating. For me, it was a defense mechanism. If I didn't admit to the full extent of my feelings, then he could not emotionally damage me. It was messed up, but it caused some strain in the beginning of our relationship because I just couldn't admit my feelings verbally, despite the fact that I did love him. Now, we use "I love you" as a reminder and as a way of checking in on each other. I am in university and he's an apprentice, so we are both really busy during the day, so sometimes I'll text him random hearts or "love you"s just as something to brighten his day. I've gotten used to it by now, but it was really strange to me in the beginning because it didn't feel natural to me. Regardless, I kept up with it because that is his love language, and I wanted to make sure that he knew how much I love him in a way that feels natural to him, which does include a lot of reassurance.

 

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