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Author Topic: Trust issues from past relationship ruining current one

February 28, 2019, 01:45:31 PM
Read 1474 times


This is a bit of a long story, so bare with me.

I dated my ex for 4 years, only to find out once we moved in together he had been cheating on me for 6+ months. We had issues before hand, but nothing I didn't think we couldn't work through. Once we broke up, I realized it was a blessing in disguise, but that doesn't reduce the fact that I felt betrayed by someone I thought I knew better than myself.

Fast foward 7 months, I have been seeing someone new. He's 31, I'm 25 so there is a bit of an age difference, but it isn't something I'm worried about. He is incredibly sweet, and gentlemanly. Caring, kind and intelligent. He checks off a lot of the things I want in a partner. It has only been about 1 1/2 months of us dating (super new) but things have progressed fairly quickly, and I'm spending a couple nights a week at his place.

When we first started dating, some people who he work with (he works at the gym I go to) mentioned he had been going out with another girl from the gym, and to be careful. I am not someone to play games, so I confronted him and he was very upfront and told me that he had gone out with another girl, it didn't progress into anything, and they are still friends/talk when they see one another at the gym. I told him I wasn't the type of person to date multiple people at once, and if he was, I understood that, but would like for him to just let me know. He said he wasn't dating anyone else, and that wasn't what he was looking for., so it seemed we were on the same page.

He has had some family issues arise, and has been spending every weekend in his home town (2 hours from where we live) taking care of these issues, so we've only been seeing each other throughout the week when we have the time (we're both busy with work). This coming weekend, he isn't going to his home town, so I was excited to get to spend some time with him. When I asked what his plan was, he mentioned another family issue he had to tend to, and wasn't sure what his weekend would look like. I got upset, and kind of lost my cool and told him I didn't trust him, and that I didn't want to ignore red flags just to get hurt in the long run. We ended up arguing and he said that I had to trust him (which, I know he is right) but things have been pretty rocky the passed couple of days since the argument. He has said he wants to work on it, and he knows it will be hard but he hopes we can figure it out. He accepted my apology, and said that an apology won't fix the problem, the only thing that will is me not acting the way I did in the future when issues arise, which I agreed with. My question is, what do I do?

Is it best for me to pull back a little and give him space, and let him come to me when he's ready? Or does that make it seem like I don't care, and that I am not actively trying to make things better? I don't want to push him too much and ask him to spend time with me if he isn't ready, but I am incredibly anxious that I've ruined everything and just need some guidance as to what I should do.

Let me know if you need more information, but thank you in advance for your help.

March 30, 2019, 02:09:40 AM
Reply #1


I'd ask if you can go with him to his hometown the next time he needs to go there to deal with his family issues. His reaction may tell you something.

April 25, 2019, 10:46:19 PM
Reply #2


This is like I'm writing my very own story. Almost identical other than family stuff and length of time in relationship and age... Im sorry hun. Going through this kind of thing is super tough and I've been struggling myself. I posted a question today that was different completely but you may find you relate to that as well.
Anyhow- I do know that its unfair to take what happened from a past relationship into a new one. With that said- thats way easier said than done and I know this. Just think though- this asshat you were with prior- every time you let him step into this relationship- youre giving that prick power! Dont do it sister!
So while you are in this relationship, make sure you give yourself YOU time to do some self love work and healing. If you dont I guarantee you will not only sabatoge this relationship but any! Know your self worth, love yourself, because at the end of the day YOU are the only one you can 100% depend on! Not only that, I have read a million articles and spoke to tons of men in my 40 yrs of living (and to be fair 25 of it dating)- that self love, confidence, independence is super sexy! You do this for you- only you, and the right man will stand beside you.
Let him know exactly how you feel and why you feel that way and what your plans are to move forward and if hes the right one for you- he will 100% support you and help you and reassure you along the way.
I'm no expert at taking my advice but I do know I make sense when I give advice lol! Now I'll re read this myself and try to follow as well
Wishing you well my friend! Hugs❤


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