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Author Topic: Trust issues from past relationship ruining current one

February 28, 2019, 06:45:31 PM
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This is a bit of a long story, so bare with me.

I dated my ex for 4 years, only to find out once we moved in together he had been cheating on me for 6+ months. We had issues before hand, but nothing I didn't think we couldn't work through. Once we broke up, I realized it was a blessing in disguise, but that doesn't reduce the fact that I felt betrayed by someone I thought I knew better than myself.

Fast foward 7 months, I have been seeing someone new. He's 31, I'm 25 so there is a bit of an age difference, but it isn't something I'm worried about. He is incredibly sweet, and gentlemanly. Caring, kind and intelligent. He checks off a lot of the things I want in a partner. It has only been about 1 1/2 months of us dating (super new) but things have progressed fairly quickly, and I'm spending a couple nights a week at his place.

When we first started dating, some people who he work with (he works at the gym I go to) mentioned he had been going out with another girl from the gym, and to be careful. I am not someone to play games, so I confronted him and he was very upfront and told me that he had gone out with another girl, it didn't progress into anything, and they are still friends/talk when they see one another at the gym. I told him I wasn't the type of person to date multiple people at once, and if he was, I understood that, but would like for him to just let me know. He said he wasn't dating anyone else, and that wasn't what he was looking for., so it seemed we were on the same page.

He has had some family issues arise, and has been spending every weekend in his home town (2 hours from where we live) taking care of these issues, so we've only been seeing each other throughout the week when we have the time (we're both busy with work). This coming weekend, he isn't going to his home town, so I was excited to get to spend some time with him. When I asked what his plan was, he mentioned another family issue he had to tend to, and wasn't sure what his weekend would look like. I got upset, and kind of lost my cool and told him I didn't trust him, and that I didn't want to ignore red flags just to get hurt in the long run. We ended up arguing and he said that I had to trust him (which, I know he is right) but things have been pretty rocky the passed couple of days since the argument. He has said he wants to work on it, and he knows it will be hard but he hopes we can figure it out. He accepted my apology, and said that an apology won't fix the problem, the only thing that will is me not acting the way I did in the future when issues arise, which I agreed with. My question is, what do I do?

Is it best for me to pull back a little and give him space, and let him come to me when he's ready? Or does that make it seem like I don't care, and that I am not actively trying to make things better? I don't want to push him too much and ask him to spend time with me if he isn't ready, but I am incredibly anxious that I've ruined everything and just need some guidance as to what I should do.

Let me know if you need more information, but thank you in advance for your help.


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