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Author Topic: Still in love with my EX , please help me...

May 09, 2019, 01:00:12 AM
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Lovey


Hello, please help me sort out this situation .

We were dating long-distance with my ex ( he's 30 and I'm 26) for nearly 3 years when he quietly disappeared after a conversation we had where I playfully told him that I didn't care if he were to leave for another woman . I've always had a pattern of playing it cool with him because I've been scared of showing vulnerability . After that day though, we were broken up for 10 months since he never really said anything but quietly disappeared. He's an avoidant who despises conflicts . I didn't pursue him but made sure rumors got to him that I had someone else, only to hurt him the way he hurted me . Two months ago though we got back in touch  and he apologised for the way he went off the radar. I asked him some help with a project when I'll be back to my country and he showed enthusiasm and support, even making inside jokes.
Knowing he's also single, I confessed after that I still loved him and told him all the truth about having been single for the past months  but also lashed out at him, telling how he broke my heart . He never responded to my email.

In 3 months I'll be back in my country. Should I let him know I'm back or just leave things this way ? I can't help but feel like there's an "unfinished business".
Thanks a lot and sorry if there are mistakes, I'm a french speaker .

May 11, 2019, 03:05:11 AM
Reply #1
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LoveandRelationships


The fact that he disappeared on you like that out of nowhere with no explanation to begin with while you were dating doesn’t look good at all and for both of you to reconnect afterwards and for him to do the same thing again shows his lack of respect towards you. I was once in a situation where the boy would frequently disappear on me with no explanation but pop back up, say sweet things to get in my head and then disappear again leaving me confused. In the end I learned the hard way that the boy was just no good (when they’re not talking to you it’s usually because they’re talking to other women). I can only speak from my experience but if I were you knowing that he’s disappeared like that on me twice already I wouldn’t let him know when I get there. A man who wants you will do whatever it takes to have you & show you that he cares. He will communicate with you consistently & if he doesn’t want you he would have the decency to let you know where you stand. It’s your choice but just bear in mind that if you contact him he may well respond and you two might be talking for a little while only for him to disappear on you again. I let someone in and out of my life as and when they pleased & I got hurt in the end. Be careful not to make too many allowances for him because he will see that and take advantage of that. Unfinished business makes it harder I completely understand but it feels unfinished because he’s keeping you in the dark & hanging on when in reality his behaviour is showing you what you need to know. Do whatever you feel you want to do but be careful not to end up in a place where you’re waiting around for a man and in the end you realise it was all for nothing (like me 😞) Hope that helps!

June 13, 2019, 05:00:32 PM
Reply #2
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Cutie


Well complicated situation haha.. it was probably too soon to tell him that, you should be more subtle, like compliment him and see if he blushes etc, and probably mention project and school/work/college - related stuff more to make him more interested and that he can see you don't have some hidden plans, just to communicate. In my op you could let him know you're going to your country, i would if i were you. Probably casually, ask him what's new or if he's in that country ask abt weather, new neighbours, events there... even though that email was kinda awkward, if you reach out in cool way, maybe he'll relax too. And also find something interesting to talk about, like a very good excuse to reach out to him, something important maybe, something he'll be willing to talk about and respond to. Maybe what to pack, or sth about mutual friend, or about some common interests you two have.. lol hope this helps.  :)

 

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