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Author Topic: Should I stop pursuing this before it verge off to FWB?

October 10, 2019, 07:06:13 AM
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AGT


Dear everyone, I hope to get some insights on my circumstances. If this is a long read, I will like to apologize. Your help and advises will be really, really helpful. So I know this guy from a dating app, had a very short period of texting communication and decided on meeting. Our first meet up went well though he was really shy in the beginning. But there was no deny mutual attraction was there. Soon enough, we went out a few more times until one night he kissed me and it seems to be the most natural thing to do. And the next time we kissed, it was more intense but it wasn't sexual at all. It just oozes warmth, can I say that? Anyway, one evening before my business trip, we were talking on the phone and somehow the topic of exclusivity came up WITHOUT MEANING TO and it got really weird. I will have to say that all these kissing, hands holding and the weird 'exclusive' conversation happened just within a month of us dating. So we agreed to talk in person when I am back. During my trip, he still text me and almost always, he always initiates text, so this somehow tells me that he hasn’t been scared away from our last conversation??

I came back, we met up but it was quite awkward. His mind was all over the place, we tried holding hands but it was unnatural. He texted me after that apologizing for losing focus but I didn’t reply him because I don’t know what to say to his apology. The next night, after gathering my thoughts, I told him matter of fact that I felt kind of embarrassed with our hand holding fiasco and a bit hurt with his distance. Again, he apologized for it but also called out my standoffish manner, all right, fair enough. Again, he initiates meeting up again to talk about it. I suggested one Saturday but he came back saying that he was meeting his ex to sort out some stuff so he won’t be sure if we can meet, he will try. But I rejected right off and told him directly that it was a bad idea to see me after he has seen his ex. He agreed but he added the additional remark that it’s important to him to see me but he needed to be honest about his meet up with his ex. The next day, he came back and we fixed a day to meet before he fly off for his holiday with his parents.

So came the day we had the talk and I did agree with him about the short time frame we had been dating to go into exclusivity. So I asked for casual exclusive – that we don’t date other people and see how things goes. But without the trappings of commitment (I am not ready). I told him matter of fact that this was more out of practicality because if he is sleeping with several other people, I do not want to risk catching STD (or worse getting knock up) if it comes to the stage when we have sex. He doesn’t agree with this concept, to him it is either all in or none. He said it is either exclusively committed or it is not. And this is why he doesn’t see how it would be a concern that he is still dating other people now. His rationale was he just want to meet more people after being in recluse close to a year after his separation plus being a foreigner here, he doesn’t have lots of friends. He wasn’t out prowling for sex. And he said I am the only one who he had kissed and hold hands with.

Then I asked if he knows what he wants and without hesitation he said to be frank, he doesn’t. He was just enjoying the time with me and want to spend more time together, let nature takes it course. I am really confused. Throughout our dating time frame, his actions have been very consistent. The way he looked at me is of adoration. He is respectful about giving me time to bring things to a more physical level. He didn’t run away about ‘the talk’. He has been the one pushing to have this talk. My instincts have always been pretty spot on if someone is just playing with you and I didn’t have these doubts on him. Maybe to my simple mind, if you are into that person, there is no need to question or think too much. With him still considering or thinking, am I wrong in questioning if I am just a rebound for him (his ex cheated on him, so the breakup was really sudden) or someone whom he just wants to keep around until someone he thinks is better come along? What makes it more confusing is that whenever I pull away from him, he will make his appearance known. Should I continue to see him or downgrade our relationship to just acquaintance (not friends)?

October 12, 2019, 08:32:07 AM
Reply #1
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footballwidow


I would stop pursuing him.  If a man is interested he will pursue you and it doesn't sound as if in this short time you had fun with him.  Everything sounded so serious in such a short time.  Dating should be just that, having fun, laughing, getting to know each other, hence the term dating.  What's with all the exclusive conversation after a month and all the awkwardness.  Hang up the drama and move on.

 

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