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Author Topic: Should i stay or choose another one?

October 20, 2019, 01:05:29 PM
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I have been seeing this guy for a year now. We sometimes go together on vacations and things are nice and i have strong feelings about him. But i need to organize all the things, i care about everything where as he forgets doing almost everything. I mean he didn’t even know how stressed i was about things and so. And he never even talked about the future and what are his plans about it not even about planning ever to move in together. There is this other guy i know from work for 8 months and we always had great talks. One month ago he asked me out but i told him i am seeing someone. But he continued writing to me. And i am having a great time while doing it and i think i am developing somE feelings and he even says plans for future and so on everything... he spends all his time to my attention.
Now i am very much confused and i don’t know what to do..

October 22, 2019, 04:13:53 PM
Reply #1


Reading your story, it sound like the old adage, cat and mouse.

Your guy that you're seeing--- You are giving him everything you have. You are giving him all of your attention, your time, your willingness to plan, everything. Even though it stresses you out, you do it.
This makes a man lazy. You need to let him do some things. It's because it sounds like you have been in the driver seat for some time, he gets to lay back in his lazy boy. Your focus needs to be put back onto yourself. You need to do things for yourself, hobbies, etc that make you feel good. If he's not putting in effort or sharing with you his dreams and goals for the future, yet you've shared yours, then you need to stop- refocus energy back to what your life is about- and let him come to you. If he doesn't get it, you could simply say, "It would be great to go on vacay with you, where do you think you'd like to go?" and leave it at that. If you guys bring up the future, you need to be clear with what you want. And then basically say "I'm being real, can you step up to this?" You will waste more years of waiting around by simply refocusing on you, and letting him come back to you.
The 2nd guy is typical - it's a chase. A chase is exciting. You are unavailable, and you're a catch, and guys are drawn to that. Do not start something with him until you are clear with what you want from the first guy.
Because if the first guy doesn't work out, you will have started something on the wrong foot with this second guy. Be high quality. Don't spread yourself thin. Good luck

November 05, 2019, 03:12:06 AM
Reply #2

No more shenanigans

Well Standing Outside the Box objectively it's easy for me to say what should happen. I think that you're in a real sweet position. All the cards are in your hands. If you have nothing to seriously ties you to this other person that you've been with for a year you can do whatever you want. Obviously please stop the feeling the things you and require in a person and it's frustrating. If he can look in the mirror and realize you need to change some things for you then that's great but if he constantly doesn't think anything's wrong with him forgetting everything and not giving you what you need then tell him you would like to still see each other by date other people and go on a date with this other guy. I wish I had the confidence I have no when I was younger.
Men usually don't worry about our feelings it's us worrying about theirs so worried about your own. My decisions in my world pertain to family and what's best for them and that stuff when my heart want something or don't want something.
I would say go to lunch with this guy it's only lunch. Good luck to you


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