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Author Topic: Should i marry him or what if i'm about to make the biggest mistake of my life

March 19, 2020, 07:07:25 PM
Read 890 times


Hi all, excuse me for my bad english

Note: we are in a distant relationship for 2 years now

My boyfriend(26) and i (26) have been together for almost 3 years now and we have started to talk about getting married. But i am not excited and i don't know why. Maybe, i'm confused and scared because of our differences in our culture such as religion, food, interests etc.

But one thing that worries me about our relationship is i feet like i'm a mother to him because he is so dependent, he keeps a maid for cleaning house and cooking, he gives his clothes for ironing. he can't do anything by himself. And i on the other hand, i prefer to do things all by myself and rather save the money for our future plans.
In addition, he has taken a loan for his parents in his name which would go on till 2024 and now he is trapped with the loans. He earns double of what i am earning but he struggles to pay his bills and spend most of his money on ordering food online. I had told him to cut down his expenses and also im willing to help him pay half of his loan but i feel he is not less bothered about saving money to even pay his bills. Then i had to literally make a financial plan on an excel sheet about his loans and how we should pay his loans sooner so that we could save on the interest.

Another incident was, today (march 20, 2020), he told he had to stock up grocery and staples due to corona virus outbreak so he asked me to order the grocery from amazon pantry for him and deliver to his address (of course he is paying for it),to which i did as he asked and i had sent him a complete details of the order to his whatsapp and later on he was texting me and asking how much was the amount he had to pay that's when i got furious, maybe i overreacted. Usually i hate depending on people, even when im sick i try my best not to trouble people around me. All these things irritates me. Please help me here, am i being over sensitive or is he too dependent on me?

We always fight for silly reasons because we never agree to a point. he likes to talk silly stuff on phones like he miss, he would update what he had for breakfast lunch dinner etc. and for me, i want to talk about life, about our business plan for future, dreaming big together, but he never likes to talk about those stuff. Am i being too serious or materialistic?

And yeah, both our parents disagree because he is a hindu and im a christian, but he told me he wanted to convert to christian but im not sure if he said that just because he wants to marry me or whether he is really curious about christianity.
Also, he gets really sad when i hang out with my friends or if i bought a new gadgets, he try to make me feel guilty. I feel bad that he does not have any true friend, people keep on using him, and sometimes i feel really pity for him, sometimes i feel im marrying him out of pity , guys im really confused myself.

and the really reason im with him till today is because he makes me feel like that im special, i don't feel insecure at all, all i know is he loves me more than i do but the question is should i marry just because he loves me too much, what if i want a better person than him, what if i want a person whom i can rely on such as taking up responsibilities, more matured person
Am i in a toxic relationship or am i overthinking? please give me an unbaised answer

March 20, 2020, 01:35:30 AM
Reply #1


My honest opinion is to wait. I’ve always been told that small issues now turn into bigger ones later. I am divorced because I overlooked issues like these and felt like they would change or perhaps I would Ad well..that never happened. When people show you who they are it’s best to believe them. Seeing that you both have different beliefs see what happens if you remain dating and not advance to marriage and try working out those issues. If he’s truly trying to follow Christianity he will follow this path outside of you ..if it’s genuine. Following first instincts will never lead you astray!

March 20, 2020, 06:58:39 AM
Reply #2


I definitely think if you even have a tiny bit of doubt then marriage isn't for you right at the minute

March 20, 2020, 01:28:53 PM
Reply #3


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April 20, 2020, 05:50:18 AM
Reply #4


I think you two should spend time apart. If he can’t get his act together and learn to be independent, then you should probably leave him. You both should be self reliant. One shouldn’t entirely depend on the other in a relationship.

April 23, 2020, 07:21:02 AM
Reply #5


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April 24, 2020, 07:44:17 PM
Reply #6

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