My boyfriend and I have been together for three years. Throughout that time I have broken up with him twice. Both times for the same reason..which is still troubling me now.

My boyfriend, we will call him Karl, has a hard time communicating. When I am upset, whether it be sad, angry, or frustrated he doesn't know the words to say to make me feel better. While I know I cannot rely on him for everything, I strongly believe that the person you are with should understand you enough to be able to give you words of comfort or communicate effectively through an argument.

The things that are brought up/upset me the most in our relationship are these:

Lack of effective communication
Lack of affection

While I know that he loves me in his own way, I don't feel that he loves me in a way that is right for me. I have this feeling in my gut that this is not what love is supposed to feel like. I love Karl, he is a very funny, generous, interesting, kind man. But when I bring those two subjects listed above up to him, he becomes defensive and it always turns into an argument. He tells me he is loving me the only way he knows how. And that if he is not enough then I should go. He says that he just doesn't know what to say when I am upset. I have tried to get him to change by talking about it (very cautiously), asking to go to couples therapy, and in my more intense bouts of unsatisfaction, giving ultimatums. Nothing has worked.

I know the simple answer is to pack up and leave. But I guess I am scared... we moved across the country, away from everyone I've ever known and loved to start a new life, we have put in three years together, and I love Karl so so so much. I am petrified that once I leave him I will regret it..like I did the last two times. I want so much to make things work, to make him work to give me the love that I crave and deserve but I am losing hope. If things would change for the better in two areas I would marry him in a heartbeat. He is an amazing human being with plans for life that I have always shared. I will take any and all advice into account. I don't have anyone I can talk to about this. Please take the time to write a reply and help me figure this mess out... Thank you in advance.

Young lady, you're being too sensitive. Let the man breathe and give him some air. He is not doing anything wrong. It seems like you're nagging him for him to love you a certain way. That is not love, that is you're insecurities. He's a good guy, let the man breathe.

I believe you need concrete proof to make your decision.

I didn't know what to do and who to turn to. I don't have many friends and none that can really help me emotionally. I have a small family and I don't want them to know of what my wife has done because they still love her too and I don't want them thinking less of her. It's kinda funny how almost a year ago she came to me and said she felt trapped in our marriage, but it was really me who is trapped. Trapped my heart, trapped by her, but thanks to


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