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Author Topic: Should I divorce my cheating husband or try one last time??

March 18, 2019, 01:17:22 PM
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I’ve been with my husband for 8 years now, married for almost 4. When we were dating he cheated on me with another girl he met from collage. We had been together for about a year and a half at that point, maybe longer.. He ripped my heart out but with that being said he came to me and told me about it himself because he felt so guilty. I was so infuriated and hurt that I decided to cheat on him (I told him the first day he told me that I would only give him another chance if I could cheat on him back and he agreed I should) I’m a very loyal person and was madly in love with my husband so I don’t believe he ever thought I actually would. When I confronted him about it he lost his mind. He even broke up with me 2 months later because he just couldn’t get over it.. We eventually got back together and things were perfect. We thought maybe we cracked the code and we would prove everyone wrong because we were so happy together. We got married about 2 years later and had our first child. Having children can obviously be hard on a relationship because all your time is consumed on the babies needs. It’s even harder when you end up with postpartum depression. I felt completely alone, and things only got worse when my husband wasn’t helping as much. He thought where I was breastfeeding there wasn’t much he could do to help plus he had to go back to work a week later so I was left with a husband who only helped out when I completely had been pushed over the edge with absolutely no sleep due to the fact my daughter ended up having a severe milk dairy and soy intolerance. I was very unhappy and several times brought up divorce to hopefully scare him into helping out more, he was obsessed with playing video games constantly due to his depression. I started working night shifts while my husband watched our baby girl and when she was about a year and a half old I found out my husband had Skyped another girl for an hour and a half. She had messaged him but he was asleep so I looked at his phone and seen where she said she really enjoyed talking to him and couldn’t wait to hear from him again with a bunch of hearts. Once again I was devastated and I was constantly back and forth between wanting to work things out or leave. I ended up getting pregnant with our second child and thought to myself there was my answer and I should give it another shot. At 8 and a half months pregnant I opened a Snapchat of a girl laying in bed saying see I told you I would come home alone tonight. Also with pictures of a couple making out saying she missed him and wished that were them... Come to find out they had a relationship going on for a couple of months and were both cheating on their spouses 🙄 I left with my daughter and stayed at my parents house for a couple of months. I wanted to keep as calm as possible for my unborn child so I ended up letting my husband be apart of his birth and eventually I gave in to his begging and tears and his reasoning behind it all. “I swear this time is different, when I came home to an empty house I had a lot of time to think. I lost everything that was important to me and a life without you is unbearable” “Everything in my life was shit, I wasn’t doing my part at home and you kept nagging about it. I kept messing up at work and just felt like I was a failure at everything” “She made me feel good and made me think I was some kind of god and she worshipped the ground I walked on. She manipulated me and I was blind about what truly made me happy, you” “I lost a lot of family members growing up so I was always to scared to get too close to someone because I didn’t want to feel that pain again” I believed him but I just don’t think I can trust him ever again. I became obsessed with looking at his phone records everyday multiple times a day. I built this wall up and I have yet to put it down even almost a year later. I ended up getting drunk one night with a friend and a cute coworker who was apparently in love with me made me feel like I was amazing and I deserved so much more than some one who cheats on me and doesn’t help out with the kids. I ended up kissing him and just felt infatuated with him to the point where I began to care less if my husband was cheating on me or not. I told my husband the first night it happened and he lost his mind yet again and became very obsessive and controlling over me. He’s done nothing but push me farther away from him because he just would not allow me to talk to this guy as a friend anymore. Look I get it, I cheated on him by kissing another guy when drunk but he’s the one who started this and I never really gave my husband the time away from me we both deserved because although we weren’t living together for about 4 months I still talked to him everyday, told him I loved him, I was just at a loss and I didn’t want to face what he had done. I tried leaving him multiple times but talking about custody of the kids scared me out of it, I needed time away to think but he didn’t give that to me because he didn’t want me to date other guys. I wanted a legal separation until I could finally make up my mind but that wasn’t an option either. My husband isn’t a bad guy, he’s just a selfish guy. He wants marriage counseling and he wants so badly to work things out but the jealousy and obsessive behavior is pushing me away and making me feel stuck. What if he has changed? Will my kids eventually find out their dad cheated on me and I cheated on him back? Will they be mad at me for leaving their dad? So many questions and I’m literally at a loss as to what I want to do. Literally half of me wants to give him another chance for my families sake but the other half is yelling I deserve much better. I deal with depression and anxiety and have my entire life. In a heated argument he mentioned that nobody would be able to handle me the way he can and he’s willing to do whatever it takes to help me with my mental health. All of a sudden he’s saying he wants to be this amazing father and husband but I’m not sure if that will last or not. Please help me out and give some kind of advice from an outsiders point of view because to be honest being I’m so half and half about leaving I’m just completely losing my mind and more depressed then ever because I just want what’s best for me and my family..

March 19, 2019, 11:50:36 PM
Reply #1


Honestly, I think it's time to just move on. Divorce can be scary, but in the end you can be happier.

March 20, 2019, 01:41:17 AM
Reply #2


This is a very toxic relationship and not the type of relationship that you want your children growing up seeing. Sometimes people are better apart. I think it will be best for both of you and your children if y'all do divorce. There is 0 trust. Nothing can grow from 0 trust. Best of luck.

March 25, 2019, 12:05:32 AM
Reply #3


Cheating is a break of trust. Trust is like a mirror it can be put back together but you’ll always see the crack. You’ll never fully trust them again.

March 27, 2019, 10:49:33 AM
Reply #4


I think it is time to evaluate your life and decide on what's important to you and what isn't. People evolve and things that you thought you wanted 5 years ago might not matter anymore. Do you still love him? Does he genuinely love you or is it a matter of control? These are a few questions you need to ask yourself and be brutally honest about it.

If you still love him and he loves you and wants to make the marriage work then there needs to be boundaries set and lines drawn. You both have trust issues as a result of past occurrences so trust needs to be rebuilt gradually or you can just forget the relationship. It won't be easy but if you are both willing, you can make it work.

March 27, 2019, 01:41:09 PM
Reply #5


Hi, I'm sorry you're having a hard time at the moment.  I have been married twice, both failed miserably and I no doubt had my part to play, however both guys cheated on me... and more than once.

I agree with the above comments.  I've found that if someone is prepared and comfortable enough to undertake this kind of action - fully knowing how it would make you feel when you found out - and everyone does eventually - they care more about themselves than for you.  There is very little or no respect for you and to an extent, feel that they can do this with perhaps no repercussion, depending on your relationship.  Be a strong lady and go. 

March 27, 2019, 05:49:42 PM
Reply #6


Divorce is scary but there's so much out there in the world, you deserve the chance to find someone who won't cheat on you... They exist!

March 28, 2019, 06:26:52 PM
Reply #7


Trust is everything, if that's not there then there's no hope :(

April 03, 2019, 10:00:24 PM
Reply #8


It's so hard to leave a marriage.  Especially when there is a child involved. But in my experience, I'd say if he hasnt changed yet, hes not going to.  My ex was a cheater and a liar. We separated and tried to work on our relationship..well I was trying to work on it, he was out cheating more... when I caught him red handed I knew it was really over.. maybe consider a separation and see if hes willing to prove himself to you. I hope you have better luck than I did!!

May 15, 2019, 08:03:38 PM
Reply #9


I would say that you definitely deserve someone better. He did it once, he will do it again :(
There are so many good things out there waiting for you :) Don't worry!

June 01, 2019, 10:50:33 PM
Reply #10


You do deserve someone better. It might be time to move on. Cheating is inexcusable, but you need to understand him first to see if he is capable of change. Why so you think is the real reason he cheated? Can that be solves? If you guys can solve that would it improve and solve other parts of relationship as well.

June 05, 2019, 09:24:53 PM
Reply #11


Cheating is tough to deal with in so many ways.  I think you need to get real with yourself and determine if this is really how you want to live your life or the type of environment you want your kids to grow up in?  Leaving is tough...I've been there and facing it again.   I left the kids dad when they were young and it was traumatizing to say the least, but had to be done.  My girls respect me for it now that they are grown.  But, yes It will take facing change and require a lot of effort, hurt and times that may not be very positive.   So ask yourself what fear is keeping you there, fear of leaving or him cheating?  If you truly believe he can change (which is a long shot) and your willing to build trust again (which is a very difficult process in and of itself) get real with yourself.  No matter what you decide it will be tough, at least you know there will be hope on the other side and finding someone that is right for you if you move on.   Either way, I think seeking professional help through the process is always a good idea.  Best of wishes to you :)

July 05, 2019, 09:11:15 PM
Reply #12


Divorce! You deserve so much better lovely x


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