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Author Topic: Should I be concerned? Genuine advice needed please

December 18, 2019, 11:10:00 AM
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Jane86


Hi all,

I apologise in advance as this will be quit a long post. The history: I have been with my man since our late teen years, we've been together 9 years. Just shy of a year into our relationship he cheated on me, I never knew the full ins and outs how far it went but I am certain there was someone else who he was travelling up the country to visit regularly. 9 years ago I confronted him about this, he denied everything and made me feel crazy, I had evidence so I cut him out. Immediately after I confronted him he ended it with her (she was silly enough to plaster her life AND the affair all over social media). I can't help but think that this was just a fling and nothing more due to the fact as soon as I ended it with him, he ended it with her.

Reality sunk in for him and just a month or so after all this he realised he'd made the biggest mistake of his life, in short we discussed the above to a very small extent and he simply told me that nothing really happened they were just talking and got along, that he did like her and in a different time/place something may have happened but he was with me and wanted me and it was as simple as that. We were both very young and naive and I do believe people can make mistakes, I took him back and assured him second chances wouldn't be a thing again, that if it happened again he'd lose me for good.

The 8 years since then with him have been amazing, he loves me unconditionally and cares for me deeply. I have a connection with him that I genuinely don't feel I could ever have with someone else. He tells me all the time that i'm beautiful, that i'm all he wants and he doesn't know how he could get by without me. He suffers with multiple mental health disorders and is incredibly insecure (and is quite vocal about this with me) and I am his rock, we've been through so much together I feel like nothing could break our bond, HOWEVER...

He recently took on a new job, seems to be loving life and I'm super happy for him. A few days in (through social media - I hate the stuff!) I find out that said individual he cheated on me 8 years ago with also works here. It is a very large organisation employing tens of thousands in the offices he is based, so there isn't even any guarantee they would cross paths. None the less I have spent the last 2 days as an emotional wreck, convincing myself that they will cross paths again and feel like fate has bought them back together. The stupid thing is before all of this I'd gotten over everything that happened 8 years ago, and was at a point where I trusted this man entirely. I had buried the skeletons of the past and despite not discussing everything to the extent that I may have liked to at the time, I was content that I was over it all and simply thought that some things are better left unsaid and i'd rather not have mental images of what could have possibly gone on.

I don't really feel as though I can raise this with him to be honest. He's full steam ahead in his new job, and I should really just be happy for him and I am. I'm not sure whether my own insecurities don't help or whether it's just that i've just unearthed a bad part of the past that I thought I was over, and it's made so much come back to me that it all feels quite raw again.

I mainly want to know if I'm just being ridiculous? even typing this out I feel ridiculous, we have a house, we got married, we've spent all our time together since and ultimately he cut ties with her last time and came back to me, 8 years ago too! so why would he do it again? But I can't help the way I feel, I have quite a torturous mind as i'm great at jumping to conclusions and running scenarios through my head that haven't happened and probably never will! Maybe in a few weeks I'll feel better, maybe I just need to heal a bit again, I'm not sure.

Any help would be greatly appreciated, I feel like i'm in a dark place once again and I really want to get out.

January 09, 2020, 08:44:08 PM
Reply #1
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KateOcean


Hi,

I found your questions as I am about to post my own question, about my own incredibly difficult relationship. Oh I feel for you stranger.. These types of issues are so delicate, we as humans are so sensitive. When we love we give so much, we give ourselves, and just the idea of the other person breaking that trust is traumatising. What can another stranger say? You are not overreacting, I think it's totally normal how you feel. Of course you are worried, someone cheated on you! Broke your trust, your love. Sometimes trusting is such a blind act, and I know I have issues with it myself. Listen, trust him if you really feel you can. If he does it again, then you will survive anyway. You will be fine. Talk to him at some point about it - I would. I hope you'll be ok. Good luck.

March 07, 2020, 12:59:12 AM
Reply #2
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samsome369


hi gal, I was in your shoes before. and here's an article that really helped me when I was struggling at the bottom.
I hope it could give you some enlightenment and inspiration like it helped me  :)

http://back.ly/Ay4dc

wish you have a great future with your loved one.

March 14, 2020, 07:27:36 AM
Reply #3
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jin262308


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May 31, 2020, 06:26:25 PM
Reply #4
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kocainviser


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June 05, 2020, 12:45:45 AM
Reply #5
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alice1


Hi,

I totally understand your concern if you are looking for any advice about relationship visit http://ejournalz.com/category/relationship/


 

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