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Author Topic: Scared of getting myself hurt again

September 29, 2019, 04:02:41 AM
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Emmmmminem


So I’ve (21,F) been hurt pretty bad by guys in the past, mostly due to my own inability to let go when I know that they’re not right for me. I’ve never been in a proper relationship but have had 2 “situationships” (if that’s what you’d call them) that I’ve been through, my longest lasting just over 9 months. The problem was that I would develop feelings for them quickly, and when I build up that courage to tell them how I feel I’d get shut down. Neither were ever ready for a relationship but when I said I should go, they wanted me to stick around. I gave in just like that, only hurting myself further.

I was essentially dumped from my most recent one and I hurt pretty bad from it, I can say it took me a long time to recover and start talking to men again.

I was doing fine on my own and then I met a guy on social media, and I took it slow knowing how I can get attached easy, I kept my options open and didn’t set eyes on only him. We talked for about 2 months before I met him. I distanced myself a bit by letting him know I was only available maybe once a week or fortnight, and that it was purely just for dinner or to go to mini golf or something. He appealed more to me as he wasn’t pushy of anything, and didn’t expect me to let him in my house on any of our first dates.

Eventually I invited him over for dinner with my housemates and we all got on well. I met his best friend and he met mine. He then went overseas for a few weeks and I found myself getting excited whenever he texts, and I in turn backed myself off a bit. He started to notice and begun telling me he missed me and wanted to come back to me. I fell for this; I let down my guard and saw him as soon as he got back. We talk everyday and I get too scared to initiate conversation, so I find he will always text me first even just to show me a funny meme he liked.

My problem here is that I’m scared because I don’t know if he is serious about me. We did have a talk in the beginning of things, and he established he was ready for something to develop if he felt it was right. Since I dropped my guard I’m starting to really like him, but I’m at the point where I could leave if he wasn’t feeling the same and maybe hurt a little, but if I stay and don’t say anything to him I’ll hurt so much more. I’ve been rejected twice and now I fear it. I am not asking him to get into a relationship with me, but I just want to know if we are on the same page.

Can anyone give me advice on what to do? I know the most logical option would be to talk to him, but even if so how would I approach that conversation? Thanks in advance.
« Last Edit: September 29, 2019, 04:04:24 AM by Emmmmminem »

September 29, 2019, 08:47:05 PM
Reply #1
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msduplicity


First of all, let me start by saying that we all go through heartbreaks. Yet, we always find ourselves letting our guard down. I remember with my last breakup, when I got dumped, I swore I would never fall for anyone again or put myself out in the same way I had, I even told my ex that. Only two months later I was falling for a dude I had hardly ever seen in person.

Trusting someone again is a tough process and it takes a very special someone to get you there. It can be terrifying at first, but your gut will show you the way.
 
This is going to sound horrible, but in the end, you're bound to get your heart broken. Whether it be in a month, or 30 years, chances are you're not going to be in that relationship forever. You cannot let fear keep you away from experiencing love- one of the most wonderful things in this world. What matters is that you take something away each and every time.

That's what you need to do with your situation. It doesn't matter how long your past relationships lasted or how insignificant they seemed to the other person. Only you yourself know how deep your feelings run and how much the end of each relationship cost emotionally to you. The truth is you are very young and have plenty of time to learn from your misfortunes. Having your heart broken just twice at your age is a fortunate affair! At our age plenty of people have only felt that kind of attraction in their dreams. I know I'd rather a million times fall in love and get my heart broken, than not having experienced the wonders of having that kind of bond to someone, for however long- it doesn't matter.

 You have done the right thing by breaking your past experiences down, identifying what dissatisfied you and "demanding" to know that the other person is emotionally available ahead of time. From here on you should look for red flags and trust your gut. Matters of the heart is mostly learning to get hurt and secondly having fun with an S.O. You are not alone in the way you feel and you have every right to be reserved from here on out. Just keep in mind to not shut wonderful people out. You will regret missing opportunities more than anything.

And remember: every heartbreak is an opportunity to grow, learn, become stronger, overcome and, hence, build confidence in your strength and your abilities as a person.

 

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