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Author Topic: Office crush

April 28, 2019, 05:51:54 AM
Read 1265 times


There is a man 10 years older than me (he is 41 and single for about a year). We have been colleagues for some years. Earlier I thought of him only in this way but things had changed.
It all started last year. We worked together (just two of us) many weekends. We talked much about various deep topics. He started to buy me coffee, listened to me and gave some really good advices. He is very wise, patient, peace loving, handsome, reliable (at least at work for sure).

(Have been reserved, cold and egoistical for years (different bad experiences in communication with people led me to that))

We started communication through messages. Through those conversations I started to feel that he meant more and more for me. I felt being understood, felt inspired to be a better person, felt that I could try to open my heart again and stop afraid of being vulnerable. I received many compliments from him - for example "you have beautiful soul", "this colour really fits you", "you have nice attitude towards others" etc. There has never been anything sexual in these conversations and compliments, except just one question about my actions in keeping a good physical shape.
Then there were some times when he was somehow ignorant - didn't want to engage in conversations, ignored me. Maybe it was because of me but it could be also because of his PDD (persistent depressive disorder). Asked if I can help somehow but he rejected. He will handle this by himself with his inner resources.
And then he told me a secret. He has a dark side - which means he feels/finds out through communication that someone is interested in self development. He joins in the process and helps to search the right way.. He observes people and gets energy and inspiration from seeing that his work is successful. And this helps him to cope with his depression.
To feel better and get a closure I thanked him for all his previous help and advices and "said goodbye". (He knows that I like him)
Everything was calm until last week when he started to show his attention again - again coffee, helping with works, friendly teasing, showing interest in my actions.
And then - again silence.

I'm having trouble coping with my feelings.
There are obstacles why I can't leave this job right now. He won't leave either.
Think I'll try to have a serious tête-à-tête when there will be a chance but I'm afraid he won 't give any answer.

Is there any chance that he really is interested in me? Any other suggestions how to cope with an office crush?

April 29, 2019, 01:53:11 PM
Reply #1


From my own personal experience in an office romance, the guy I've been dating now for 4 months, we started out in a similar way. I had just moved back to my home state after grad school and started working at this technology/defense company and he was the HR manager. I'm 27 and he's 55 though. We met up for coffee after work and would just talk. I had no intention or idea that I'd be with a man my dad's age. I think you should just make the first move and see what happens.

May 01, 2019, 04:48:04 PM
Reply #2


Take the first step, go to drinks and find a reason to get alone with him. Eventually the truth will surface

July 09, 2019, 07:41:27 AM
Reply #3


First of all, thank you all for previous responses.

I tried to talk to him.
Because of his then hot-then cold behaviour started to think that he is manipulating me. Said him that. He then told me more about his dark side. Turns out that he has random connections with women who have changes in their private lifes - getting married, divorcing or in search for relationship. Nothing sexual, just conversations. He finds out what drives them and then gives advices, talks about their problems, sometimes flirts. Without any intentions to develop relationships with them. He sees how they change for better and gets energy from their transformation. Is it normal??

I told him to stop doing this, at least to me. First of all, because we are colleagues and I don’t want to ruin good work relationships. He agreed and was silent for a while. But then I had birthday and he sent me wonderful greeting. And everything started again. He helps with jobs when needed and stands really close, offered his help in delivering a heavy object. Everyone at the office heard that and there have been some teasing jokes about that since then. I got to know that he had told very good things about my work results to our boss, his exgirlfriend suddenly doesn’t greet me anymore. At the same time outside work he ignores me now. I really like him and he knows that. It’s hard to resist because of his good qualities. I’m just afraid that I’m just one of those women he manipulates. Maybe anyone has a good advice, please? How to stop it and do not lose good work relationships at the same time?


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