I am happily married, 30 yrs old, we have been together 10 years. No kids.

We communicate well, we joke around. He is my best friend. He would do, and does, everything in the world and under the sun for me. I could not ask for a better person, partner, or love.

Like any relationship we have our issues. He is very controlling, he strongly disapproves of bar's and I am not allowed to make friends with men (which is understandable). I get guilt trips for hanging out with my 1 and only gal pal, and then he asks why he cant join. There are things I cant tell him or talk to him about for fear of judgement.

I have been the bad guy in the relationship though. I have lied, manipulated, and broken his heart before. He does not fail to bring it up and remind me of these long past mistakes of mine. I want to start a Family in the next 2-3 yrs, he wants to wait 5 or more before beginning.

He reminds me he has very valid reasoning to be controlling. I am very forgetful, i forget to finish laundry, do the cat box, etc... I work full time and he does not work at all, he goes to school, and loves to remind me that when rolls are switched I better be ready to pick up the cleaning and cooking. Then proceeds to lecture me for 2-3 hours like a 7yr old child about chores and being an adult.

Recently I have realized I have feelings for someone at work. They are carefree and we have already had some discussions. Anytime I talk about my personal relationship to anyone (not just the other guy) they wonder why I deal with it. I realize if my marriage comes to an end, it needs be for me, and not because I have feelings for someone else. But my feeling for this Other person is what made me start thinking this.

I really do not want till 35 to have my first kid. I don't know if its healthy to continue to have the past held over me like this, or get a guilt trip for wanting Gal time just me and her. I do not want to continue to get lectured like a child, or made to feel incompetent for being forgetful.

I keep reminding myself i should be grateful for the amazing relationship I have. Or maybe I am just comfortable? Or maybe my feelings for this other person is 100% the only reason I have these doubts? does that mean they are wrong?

Please help.

Hey!

He is controlling You. It's not Your fold, but his.
He might be clingy, not self-confident. I think You already understood everything and just need someone to say, "Yes, You are right!"
Everyone is human and can forget stuff. Who the f*ck cares as long as no one get hurt^^
Everyone needs alone time (friend time), this is how we recharge. When we are recharged we can give love. When we give love we receive it even more back. He is only taking, because he is long empty himself.

I have two things to say to You:
1. It doesn't seem like he loves himself. How can he love You, if he doesn't love himself.
2. In situations like this I suggest going for 2nd guy, because if You truly loved the 1st one, there would not been 2nd.

Talk to Your husband. Tell him that controlling and being jolly and mad about stuff that happened long ago is stupid and You can't build family with such trust issues. No matter 2 or 20 years later. 10 years together is a lot of time. If he can't forgive You think there is no unconditional love as well.

Be honest with Yourself first. Then be honest with him.
Give him a chance, but there is no one more important in this world then You.

Also, what is the alternative. You are stuck with a guy who is not making You happy. Would make Your kids unhappy. Scolds everyone. Controls every step of Your family. Sounds like start of domestic abuse. Sorry.

Good luck!


Best regards,
W.A.M.

Ugh I hate hearing about this stuff because I dealt with it with my first ever relationship. Thank god i didn’t marry him. I got so sick of the controlling. You gotta really examine your relationship and if it makes you happy or just causes you more hurt or stress. Not being able to hang out with a friend or friends although he is allowed is not cool but I had the same treatment. Just because they are insecure doesn’t mean they should treat you or make you feel that way. Also I fell for someone else too while I was in that relationship. I never considered myself a cheater and I didn’t with him but that’s why you’re having feelings for someone else.. because you deserve better want better and want to be happy. Being tied down to someone not meaning just being in a relationship but having a chain on you and restricting you only makes you want to be free. I know it sucks the whole situation and yours is different since you’re married I wasn’t. But I felt so relieved when I broke things off with him. I felt like I could breathe again. Be me. Not have to ask for his permission to do what I wanted. I knew a good while before i finally did break up with him that i didn’t want to be with him anymore. There just comes a point where you can’t take it anymore. At least I didn’t.

Just make YOUR decision. Don’t let him guilt you. It’s your life you should be happy.
Good luck and I hope you do find happiness with whatever you decide