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Author Topic: worried my boyfriend will kill himself. what should I do?

January 30, 2020, 09:42:25 PM
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Hi everyone,

My boyfriend (26M) and I (22F) have been dating for about a year now, and everything seems to be going well between us. We usually text every day and call each other three times a week or so. I ask that he shoot me a quick text when he gets home from work just so I know he's okay. He obliged until lately suddenly out of the blue, he went cold turkey on me and shut me out and isolate himself (has a tendency to do that quite often) he won't answer my calls or text me back, at first this was not a big issue to me as I know he suffers from depression (is on his meds), ADHD, and possibly borderline bipolar. As someone who suffered from depression, as a result of a terrible relationship, I understand he needs his space, so I give that to him letting him know that I am here, and will always be here for him when he decides to talk.

Days go by and still have heard from him, so naturally, I start to worry, and I shoot him a quick text stating, "hey my love, hope everything is okay, get back to me when you can. love you." and go on about my day. Radio silence from his end. Just before bed, I call him to make sure he's okay if he needs anything and to tell him I love him & am here for him no matter what. (not an everyday thing more like twice a week just to check in on him). He does not answer my calls or return them and outright declines them. the same thing happens, he repeatedly shuts me out and goes days without answering me, and I do get worried for him but also don't want to keep texting and calling him. I want him to have space, and talk to me when he's ready.

I know this not easy for him to go through, I just want to make sure he's okay, and if there is anything I can do to help him through this as struggling alone is painful. I hate to watch him suffer, it hurts me. I just want to be able to help him with whatever he's going through, and support him but sort of hard when it's radio silence.

The reason for my constant worry is my boyfriend has told me once he's in a depressive state, he tends to find ways to commit suicide and has tried twice before in the past as he feels worthless (his words not mine).

ETA: I don't text him every day when he shuts me out. it's more of a twice-three times a week situation.

TLDR: My boyfriend shuts me out won't call or text me back for days on end. I'm worried, I message him, let him be, but also want to want to make sure he's okay cause I love him.

I do not what to do. I don't want to overstep my boundaries and come off as clingy. I just want to make sure he's okay cause I am worried for him, want to help him through this because I love him. Any advice?
« Last Edit: January 30, 2020, 09:58:31 PM by natalia »

January 31, 2020, 01:28:51 AM
Reply #1


Oh honey.....I can really feel for you. Is there any way you can go and meet him? Somethimes there are things that are best said face to face. WIsh you could hug him and tell him that everything will be fine eventually.

February 09, 2020, 07:28:19 PM
Reply #2


So sorry to hear this. Unfortunately its very common for people with depression and BPD to distance themselves and push away from those that love and care for them. The important thing is to be there for them when they are ready to talk. In terms of managing his risk of suicide it is important for him to talk to someone if not you. Encourage him to reach out to mental health services for support and crisis management. If you know he has a plan and a means to hurt himself then you may need to contact emergency services to intervene or do a welfare check.
By all means keep in contact with him regardless of whether he responds to your calls and text. At least he knows that you are there for him, that that there are people out there that love and care for him and that his life matters.

February 20, 2020, 11:27:34 AM
Reply #3


If your boyfriend is depressed and capable of committing suicide, I think you coming of as being clingy is the last of your worries. Is there a way you can go see him? Just keep messaging him so he knows you care. Even though if someone can actually commit suicide that person won't think that way and defenately won't care if you send messages. Does he have a councilor you can talk to?


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