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Author Topic: My boyfriend is really messy, how do I change him before we move in together?!

April 14, 2018, 12:45:08 PM
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I have been in a relationship with my current boyfriend for 2 and a half years now. I spend a lot of time with him at his parents' house, usually 4 out of the 7 days/nights a week.
We are now looking to buy a house together in the next year (we have not rented together before which makes it even scarier). My problem is that I am a really clean and tidy person and mess drives me just a little bit crazy. My boyfriend on the other hand is very untidy, clothes everywhere, socks come off and just get thrown wherever, toothpaste all up the mirror in the bathroom... What can I do to make him a little tidier before we move in together, without shouting and causing arguments?? Thanks!

April 14, 2018, 05:50:38 PM
Reply #1


Ah, this is tough! Are there any chores he doesn't mind doing? Could you divide the chores somehow so that you're both contributing?
It's hard, I know - I hate having to nag my husband about that kind of stuff, but he has gotten better over time. I try and encourage us to do things together as well - for instance we cook together and once we've eaten we will clean up the kitchen together. Sometimes then it doesn't feel like a chore if we're cleaning and chatting!

April 14, 2018, 06:21:19 PM
Reply #2


I don't believe in being the clean police, but, nonetheless, certain social situations (like romance or the military) demand it.  So in that case, I suppose you'd have to shame the offender while providing positive affirmation for improvement.   Good idea?
« Last Edit: April 14, 2018, 06:22:53 PM by Jasonn »

April 16, 2018, 08:29:02 PM
Reply #3


I think its just a minor problem, maybe your boyfriend is intelligent in other way, most intelligent people is messy, just be patient about it as long as what he is doing will not go to the worst point of being messy like not taking a bath almost everyday or eating in dirty dishes and other unexpected attitude. All I can advice to you, much better not to push your boyfriend to act on the way you want him to be, just be thankful that he is acting naturally and not pretending to become what he is not. As long as he loves you he will change later. In a relationship it is better to give each other a space or freedom in order for the two of you to know or discover a lot from each other, because being strict or having plenty of rules in relationship will force you to pretend and hide your negative behavior. True attitude is not a problem, but having a pretentious partner will cause disaster on the long run of your relationship.

April 17, 2018, 04:04:08 AM
Reply #4


One way to help out a dirty person is to simply advise them to move junk out.  In other words, a lot of stuff needs to go to storage or perhaps even the dump.  Anyway, that's why a lot of places are messy I think.
« Last Edit: April 17, 2018, 04:07:06 AM by Jasonn »

April 18, 2018, 02:58:35 AM
Reply #5


Boys are mostly messy. You must adjust for him a little then after you got his attention . Say what you want to change on him and explain why he will change it. Nice approaching is better to encourage him to change his being messy.

April 18, 2018, 07:20:09 AM
Reply #6


Boys are mostly messy. You must adjust for him a little then after you got his attention . Say what you want to change on him and explain why he will change it. Nice approaching is better to encourage him to change his being messy.

As I was saying, moving junk out will make a situation where there is less to clean, but, nonetheless, things can still be dirty.  In that case, some training needs to be done.  Anyway, I beg to differ that girls are cleaner.  I don't think that's true.

April 20, 2018, 02:54:20 AM
Reply #7


As for me, why not just tell him in a nice way. Keep things in order tell him where his clothes should be put on, how to properly put toothpaste, just help him to get through it sooner or later he will get used to it.

July 28, 2018, 10:53:00 AM
Reply #8


You have to be honest with him about how you feel. But of course, tell him in a way that he still feels that you respect and love him. You could also give him some examples of advantages of having a clean house. For instance, it will lessen or eliminate your stress from work because you can finally rest, however, if it's messy, it may add more to your stress. Give him a lot of advantages rather than disadvantages and as much as possible, try to sound happy and excited while stating your list to him. In this way, you will appear encouraging and inspiring rather than nagging and annoying. Another suggestion is you could try reminding him to put things in order by using sticky notes. Write things that he always forget to do and stick it on areas where he could easily see it. Furthermore, be patient with him because he might be tidy at first but later on, inconsistency may occur. As the saying goes, "Old habits die hard". 

August 02, 2018, 07:36:58 AM
Reply #9


Before you decide to move in with your boyfriend, ask yourself if you can live with your boyfriend's habit. If you really love your boyfriend, you will accept his imperfections like he accepts yours. All of us has our cons and pros and your boyfriend's cons are being untidy when it comes to the house--which I think is not a serious problem. I think most boys have that nature to be messy when it comes at home. But you must also tell him what you feel or what you like or don't like; if he really thinks of your situation he will adjust and he will find a way not to upset you. You can't change a person, because you want them too, they have their own decision.

August 02, 2018, 08:16:04 AM
Reply #10


You don't. You accept him for who he is or you get on your bike! I think we need to look at the important things in life when judging someone. How messy he is, is the least of your problems. Important things are is he a nice person? does he treat you well? is he  kind to strangers, children and animals? Do you share the same values? Does he enjoy life and have purpose? Does he want to make the world a better place? These are the important things. His habits like untidiness you will have to live with, if he wants only he can change them. Also tidy are you? If you are tidy his habits will just naturally change.


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