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Author Topic: My best friend is engaged, but was flirting with my guy friends? Help!

June 26, 2019, 09:49:54 PM
Read 923 times


My best friend is a really sweet girl, she's been with 1 man ever, she is a virgin, never done anything wrong in her entire life up until this point. Anyway, she's starting to go through some of what we think is "fear of missing out." Wanting to go out more, party, talk to people, etc. It started off with no problem, we figured sure, get it out of the system it'll be fine.

All of our friend group has been in relationships, most of us are in long term ones. We all are very happy with our significant others as well. Though, if we meet someone attractive while obviously there may be no flirting or even interacting with that person but we may all be like "oh he was really cute/hot/attractive" etc.

Anyway, it started to get a little questionable the other night. I told my friend that I have a neighbor who is super attractive who I pet sit for. He's total eye candy, but not my type at all. Though we talk on the norm because we both have dogs and see each other very often. Anyway, I don't know how she took this, but I think she wanted to find a guy to "talk" to also. Though, I think she missed the "not my type" part and the "just eye candy" part. She met a guy at a bar and he stroked her thigh (keep in mind, she's never done anything sexual ever). After this guy touched her leg she has been starstruck about it. I told her it was a one-time thing, nothing happened, we left the bar, that was it. Didn't even get the guys name.

Fast forward to yesterday.

My guy friends (and my attractive neighbor) were out playing pool at a bar next door to our apartment building. There were about 4 of us ladies there as well, though none of my friends knew my guy friends. I introduced everyone and all started playing pool, and the next thing I know my engaged friend is flirting HARD with one of my guy friends. I came over to say hey and check on the situation and he asked if her ring was an engagement ring, and of course, I said yes." Anyway, it wasn't a secret and all the guys knew within a few minutes. So most of the single guys stopped talking with her. I wasn't watching her every move given I was playing Pool, but next thing I know, she's gone. Well, my guy friends said she went off to the dance floor with some guy. Of course, freak out because I don't want her to do anything she would regret. So I found her and asked if she was okay, and she said yes many times and to go back to the Pool game and have fun. Well, the rest of the night I certainly was watching her becuase she was flirting HARD with my guy friends. Even encouraging me to "not let that girl with the weird skirt flirt with my man" (referring to my attractive neighbor). I was like "well, he's not my man... I really don't care who he flirts with."

All of this was pretty concerning to me, since, while I don't really know if it made the guys as uncomfortable as it made me, I feel like I should apologize to them for her behavior. Overall it wasn't a good look. She even turned her ring around and put it on the opposite hand (which the guys noticed too). Today one of the guys even told me she was saying how she thought his roommate was cute too.

I had a long talk with her about how being engaged is a big deal. Overall she still hasn't done anything beyond the flirting. No sleeping with anyone, no phone numbers, no kisses, nothing, just being very very flirty. Obviously, we are worried about her having these "fears of missing out."

What do you think? I already mentioned it to one of them that I had a long talk with her and apologized to him, though he was the only one that voiced his uncomfortableness. I feel like I should do the same for the other two guys. Though I'm not sure if I should just go up to their apartments (with my dog of course because I feel like dogs make it all less awkward) or just send a text or something. Messaging them seems a little odd to me and I'm not close enough with them I think to call them, but I feel like knocking on their door when I take my dog out to potty would be more casual since we all have dogs?

July 14, 2019, 08:55:32 AM
Reply #1


Hi millylovehim,

I think you shouldn't interfere in your bestfriends life and try to fix it for her. She is the one who has to determine which behavior she thinks is right and which isn't. That being said, because you are close friends, I think it's a great idea to give her advice and voice your opinions/ concerns. It sounds to me that the fear of ''missing out'' she might have, could become a problem in her relationship. Getting married too soon when she hasn't had the freedom to explore anything else yet, might make her feel trapped and take the wrong decisions, which ultimately will destroy her marriage anyway.

However it's definitely up to her to decide and all you should do is try to open her eyes to the fact without interfering in her life.

Good luck


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