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Author Topic: Married man, paranoia, heartache.

October 08, 2019, 04:25:23 AM
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Poisonkitty


So for the past 9 months I have had an absolute roller coaster of a relationship.

This man makes me feel amazing. Absolutely incredible, we have such a brilliant time together and I love him like I've never loved before. I have no doubt he's the love of my life and I feel sick at the thought of not having him in my life.

However he is technically married. So I have been the other woman in his life. His marriage is without a doubt over, they have lived together as parents only for around 10 years and haven't had any form of romantic relationship. Since March he started the process of separating from her to be with me. He has purchased a new home and I've seen the solicitors separation agreement. But he is still currently in the marital home so our relationship is 'secret'. Most of our friends and my family know. And it's likely his wife knows as she has already told him she had hoped he would leave her for me. Its likely the paperwork will be complete and he'll be in his new home in a month. It's been a hard process for him. Not because of leaving his wife. But leaving his home and his children. So I understand what he is going through so we can be together.

This situation however has sent my paranoia spiralling. I'm on edge all the time. Coming from a broken home myself due to my parents being unfaithful I am wracked with guilt towards his wife and kids.

My paranoia recently sent me to check his phone. He gave me his pass code as he promised he had nothing to hide.
Yet on his phone I found photos of other women (in an old WhatsApp data file) I confronted him, he said these must have accidentally come through when he backed up his phone (the dates on the pictures do confirm this). He said that he was ashamed of this time, and that when he was missing the love in his relationship he use to chat to women online to feel like he was wanted.

I know he had a long term affair with one woman, he was incredibly lonely, his wife and him lived very separate lives. And she filled a gap for him, but not enough to leave his home and children. He was very open and honest about this with me.

Now I do understand this, because I have a similar past. When I have felt unloved I have ended up seeking the love elsewhere, however it made me leave my partner and not keep the secret hidden. But then I've never been married or had kids.

The trouble is since seeing the photos of other women I am now in turmoil. Whilst I believe him that these are old photos there is still a seed of doubt in my mind that he could have been doing this during our relationship. He has absolutely promised me that I give him the love he needs, and he has no need to seek it anywhere else. That he wouldn't be buying a new home and leaving his children if he didn't care for me the way he did.

I feel sick at the idea of not having him in my life, but right now I feel pretty darn miserable with it all and pretty lost.

 

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