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Author Topic: Married colleague, friendly or flirting?

November 16, 2019, 06:40:06 AM
Read 1122 times


Hi all,

So this might be a bit of a difficult post, but I'm so confused that it's impacting my life, and I have no one to talk to. So any advice would be much appreciated.

I've recently started a new job. I'm married and 31 years old. My colleague is 44 and is also married. I'm quite attracted to him anyway, but his behaviour confuses me. He follows me around a lot, always wants to talk to me and wants to spend lunch together. He makes sexual jokes towards me, compliments me, tells me he misses me when we aren't in work etc. He also touches me quite a bit, whether it be leaning in, touching my hand or leg, and more recently, holding my hand and trying to hug me. He tries to look after me quite a bit and tells me how much he cares about me and things.

On the surface it seems like he's flirting, but then he'll tell me how he gets on better with women than men, and how he always get accused of having affairs because of his friendship with them. He also tells me that he touches people without realising sometimes, but I've watched him with our other female colleagues and he doesnt do it to them.

It's at a point now where I'm enjoying the affection he gives me but so confused at the same time. I know I should tell him to back off, but maybe I'm misreading things and he doesn't fancy me, he's just being friendly. My head is a mess and I can't stop thinking about him. I feel so guilty because we are both married, but I think a big part of how I'm feeling is due to my marriage being dead long before I even met my colleague. I don't think I've experienced any form of affection for several years.

A part of me thinks I'm misreading signals from this man because it's what I want to believe, rather than what his intentions actually are.

Any advice would be appreciated!

December 05, 2019, 12:09:09 AM
Reply #1


This behavior from him seems very flirty by anyone's standards I would think. It doesn't necessarily mean he is looking to cheat. He may like the female admiration and attention as well but won't cross any physical lines.  I would not get involved with a married man. Do you want to cheat on your spouse? You could use this as a wake up call to repair your marriage. I would distance myself from this man at work. It sounds like you are both crossing lines.

December 05, 2019, 04:22:57 AM
Reply #2

Captain Black

I wouldn't take him on . Affairs are just not worth it . They always get found out and then its upto the likes of me to sort the mess out( I do relationship counselling ) . So don't fall for it .

In the UK some of his antics in the work place  would be bordering on sexual harassment especially the touching and the sexual jokes. His flirting is very heavy  by my standards and I would consider myself to be quite flirty .

IMO he needs to back off .

If you do have some form of Union Representation in your workplace then it may be worth if its really bothering you having a chat with him/her .

December 21, 2019, 04:28:47 PM
Reply #3


My immediate reaction is that he gets a kick out of the attention.  He's possibly tried it with your other female colleagues but they've not 'reciprocated' or shown an interest?  I'd be VERY wary of doing ANYTHING at all that might seem like you're 'encouraging' him ... and you might have to have a frank conversation to make it clear that being friends does not 'allow' flirtatious comments and touching.  Good luck!

March 07, 2020, 01:08:19 AM
Reply #4


hi gal, I was in your shoes before. and here's an article that really helped me when I was struggling at the bottom.
I hope it could give you some enlightenment and inspiration like it helped me  :)


wish you have a great future with your loved one.


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