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Author Topic: Marriage, hes not ready...but I've waited too long, do I leave?

April 02, 2019, 09:15:44 AM
Read 1190 times


So I should start by saying I am a single mom. My children's father is still in their life, however it is very part time. So I am not looking for a "father" for my children, however the person I am with, will need to step up and be a good male role model for my children. I've made that very clear

 I have been dating my BF for 2 years, and he is everything I want in a man. He puts me on a pedestal, treats me like a queen, he supports me, gives me everything I need physically and emotionally, we are best friends, spend as much time as we can together. He is there for my children, has stepped up and become a role model for them, however "steps aside" and let's their father in, when its appropriate. The relationship couldn't be better.

I have made my intentions clear, that I want marriage, that I am not dating and allowing men in my & the children's life if I donot see that potential. We first had that conversation 18 months ago, and he was extremely supportive, although we had only been dating for 6 months and I agreed that it felt right, but this was too soon and we needed to continue dating prior to any further chat about marriage.

Fast forward now 2 years, and where it will get brought up from time to time, we havent made any actual plans, or furthered our relationship (i.e. not moving in together, etc.) So I had a conversation with him and said I basically need to know that this is going to happen or I need to leave. (it would kill me to leave, I've never been this happy, but if he wont give me full commitment, what I think I want and deserve, I believe it is best I leave rather than continue on this half ass (but very fulfilling) relationship for years to come.

His response was, "I'm not against marriage, I'm just scared, & not ready to make that commitment. It feels right, but I want to make sure it is right. It's nothing against you, but it's me that I need to figure out."

I respect what he is saying, we have both come from failed marriages & I have alot of fears going in also. But because it has been 2 years with no actual movement forward, I think it's time I step aside, & allow him to figure out if this is what he wants, or whatever it is he means when he says "it's me I need to figure out."

What do you think, am I correct? or am I just being selfish & wanting what I want.

June 24, 2019, 06:41:59 PM
Reply #1


Marriage is not the be all & end all ... after your first marriage - you should know that already.

So why are you so keen on marriage ?

It's 2019 ... nobody cares if you are married or not - there's no stigma in living together.

I expect he's been burned financially by his his first marriage & probably never wants to re-marry - despite what he might say.

My advice ... if it ain't broke - don't worry about it.


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