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Should I leave?

No, it's something you can work on
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Voting closed: November 27, 2019, 02:41:46 AM

Author Topic: Is this emotional abuse?

November 07, 2019, 01:00:57 AM
Read 2020 times


I've been together with my boyfriend for almost 3 years and together we have a daughter that's almost 2yrs old (I found out I was pregnant 3mnths in). Over the past year him and I have been fighting more and more. It all started after having my daughter and my mental health took a kicking and I stopped wanting to have sex on more occasions than I would want to. He began asking me to just have sex with him "for him" kind of thing and to give him handjobs. I would do it as I felt bad especially since he stated sex is really important to him.

He then began to make comments on my eating habits and weight because I wasnt back to my pre baby weight (still not), and whenever i cut my hair he would say I wasn't as attractive as i was with long hair and would leave me with the baby all the time to do what he wanted, barely helped out. This stuff would continue on.

Fast forward to the past 7 months. I got a job where I work shift work and weird hours and hes mostly with the baby. He will now get mad at me if I'm not doing housework the moment I'm off or the days I have off. Also, as soon as I'm home he takes off or stays in the garage. (He will only wash dishes when it is literally necessary because all are dirty and will only wash and dry clothes will never fold or put away). He began using "Start being a mother" when I want to sleep a little bit more. Whenever I express my frustrations I'm told I'm being whiny, I'm being overly sensitive or im asked If it's my time of the month. He's usually only nice to me when he wants sex and if I say no, and then no again to just doing it for him he becomes moody and cranky with me and uses "you're not attracted to me anymore". Anytime we try to talk about our issues (not saying I'm a saint, yes I get quite cranky with him and I'll admit it) he always justifies his comments or actions. I just dont know what to do. My family and friends all just tell me I cant just leave because my schedule will make it hard to parent my daughter and that all our problems are miscommunication. Any advice is welcomed!

November 07, 2019, 03:43:38 AM
Reply #1

Captain Black

I see numerous problems and potential problems here. Basically you both need to get around a table and talk to each other to sort your differences . Sooner rather than later . Compromising from both sides will be needed . Communication is essential in a relationship. If you can't settle your differences ,then consider seeing a Relationship Counsellor.

November 13, 2019, 06:06:52 PM
Reply #2


 >:( >:(  yes.....I do not understand how people can be so hurtful. They just don't seem to understand the depth of pain their words can cause.

November 26, 2019, 07:32:40 AM
Reply #3


This does not seem like a healthy relationship!

December 16, 2019, 05:57:26 PM
Reply #4


This is without a doubt abuse.  I know because I had it from my husband and he is potentially going to Jail for it.  Its now classed as domestic violence.

January 01, 2020, 08:55:24 PM
Reply #5

Confused giraffe

Yes this is emotional abuse. Him making you feel bad about your appearance is "bullying". Him leaving you with the baby and going out to do his own thing is "neglecting the relationship" him not doing dishes or washing properly/fully is "a lazy B "
He should be understanding of you not wanting sex, especially as he  clearly points out you aren't as "attractive " pre child (I bet you're still looking good though)
Doing it "just for him" will make you resent it . So the more he pushes you to do it, the less likely you are to want to do it. It will taint the experience with him.
Sadly. You may have to look in to getting a new job, or asking family to help out with child care and leaving him. You clearly aren't happy. He doesn't treat you like you want or deserve to be treated. Do you feel loved? Do you feel wanted? Do you both just co exist in the same home? Do you feel used?Can you see any way to fix things where you both sit down, compromise and both try? 
If you don't feel loved wanted and can't see a way to fix it but do feel used and you both just co exist, then you need to make a very big decision. Stay,be unhappy, which will affect your child. Or split up . Change shifts/job or get family to help. . .  .
Sorry you're going through this

January 02, 2020, 12:18:47 PM
Reply #6


This is definitely a form of abuse. He sounds controlling, not caring for you or your child. If he's willing, it is best to have a sit down and lay this all out on the table.

January 13, 2020, 09:19:48 PM
Reply #7


First, so sorry you are going through this. It sounds awful. Second, I think it is emotional abuse. It sounds like you really need to talk this out.  Stop the cycle. If it gets worse when you try to do that you have to think about whether this is really worth all of the anguish and sadness and hurt. Can you go to a counselor? Does he even realize this is a problem?

January 14, 2020, 11:55:24 PM
Reply #8


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January 16, 2020, 06:52:13 AM
Reply #9


 I am sorry to hear about your struggle. I am also going through a similar situation for over 2 years now and still up-to-date I still ask myself the same thing, whether it was an emotional abuse or just momentary anger. I try to be understanding and carrying, but sometimes, you have to think of yourself too dear. Especially when you don't want to have sex, that is your right to be. He cannot push or force you into it, on top of that, he cannot comment on your references.

January 19, 2020, 12:30:07 AM
Reply #10


He's really immature and selfish.  It's all about him, with no regards to you.  If you can't please him he's whines like a baby.  There's only so much you can do, before he will really beat you down emotional, physically, spiritually and mentally.  If you stay it will not get better it will only get worst he 's not happy and neither are you.  He disrespects you, and you allow him too because your not sure what to do.  The people who surround are not much help either.  If I were in your shoes I would go and seek help or talk to a counselor.  I wouldn't let anyone know.  I would secretly make plans as to when to make my move and leave with the children.  Look in the mirror and ask yourself this question.  "Do I deserve to be treated this way"  If your answer is YES, stay.  If your answer is NO, find the courage and strength within and start making the preparations.  Try to save up some money utilize the help from the counselor and LEAVE.  You and your children deserve better.   
I’m a friend; first, something I don’t take lightly.
I am a writer for children’s books. and I own publishing company, and a daycare center.  In addition I am one of the writers for lastingloverelationships.com

January 20, 2020, 09:00:35 PM
Reply #11


It doesn't seem healthy. You guys should sit down and talk about it.


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