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Author Topic: Is it me or Does My Man Have Too Many Women in his Life?

June 05, 2019, 06:36:47 PM
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LoveOrLost


First of all i will start by stating my fiance cheated on me over 12 times (....as in multiple times with 12 different women, at least 12 that i can prove), including a very explicit affair with his "assistant" during the first 1 1/2 of our relationship.  I lived in Vegas and He in L.A.  We made the 3 hr commute weekly, so its not like we went long periods of time without seeing each other.
When we moved forward in our relationship I moved to L.A. with him where we got engaged.  There was so much betrayal by him I could write a book (and for a whole other post..lol).  We always fought about his "women" and his "charming behavior" when we were out, but he repeatedly convinced me it was just me.  (yes, all the red flags I know).  Long story short, I sold my house, closed my business and moved to L.A. where all hell broke loose.  Not only did he treat me horribly, I was so confused and desperate for answers  (I knew it wasn't just me) I discovered all that was going on (up until the day before I moved in with him) via finally plugging his phone into a "recovery" software and got ALL the dirty details of his sexual relationships in black and white.  It was horrifying.  To say the least, I lost everything including my mind.   But, still... no idea why... decided to stay.    YES.... he is THAT CHARMING.

Fast forwarding A LOT of challenges and time later... it's been nearly 2 years living with him and i still have severe trust issues. I have to say he has stepped to the plate and after giving me access to all of his social media, email, phone unlocked, etc... can say he hasn't cheated on me while living with him. (And trust me I HAVE been watching! lol)   HOWEVER... my issues come from his "charming ways" with so many women he consistently surrounds himself with.  He has this deep voice and just charisma that women can't resist.   Anywhere we go they come out of every crack throwing themselves at him and he proudly eats it up.  He willingly states he has to give them his "undivided attention" when we are out, (for whatever reason at the time).  He's an actor/voice actor, drum teacher and public speaker.  Yes... and states that the industry is just this "open" and to just accept it.  (I'm an accountant... any man acts even a tenth of a percent of how he carries on with women they would be part of the #metoo movement in my world!)  I call all his "friends/women" he has surrounded himself with in every aspect of his life his "butterflies"... always swooning, doing things for him, even giving him things.  He states "hes not "cheating" so I should lighten up"... but all the touching, laughing, flirting (from both sides), pics with both him the women up in each other's business (like gf/bfs) taken and gets posted, and the going off to give them his "undivided attention", while leaving me alone (then if I don't just stand there alone and accept it, he says I have an "attitude" and gets upset)... it's all just maddening.   Women capture his attention any time, any way, and any style.  He will even forget he's talking to me at times to watch a girl go by... sometimes will even give another man a "high five" head nod when passing a girl he likes with her bf.   It's humiliating.   

I have to add He's 53 I'm 45 (we are not a young couple...lol) ... yes he is an actor, but no he's not famous, nor the most handsome guy in the room.  But, is well known among a certain number of groups in the area.  Most of the jobs he has had (yes, I found out) outside of his circle of people he normally works with, were due to his "relations" with them.  Some of those speaking gigs have gone away... others just "evolved" to include different women handling the gigs. 

When I say anything about any of this, he gets upset and usually ends up in a long fight.  He tells me "they just LIKE him" and he can't control what other people do around him, although he not only doesn't try to stop it, but enjoys it.  It's just part of his whole human demeanor...  he attracts it like a magnet and loves it, (so most of it will never really go away).  Then turns to me and has this long list of what i don't do right (which is inevitably how all his gals do treat him right).  I do have to accept some will be part of his job (which I'm ok with), but I also accept a lot of it is just how he is and he sees nothing wrong with it, and I guess that's where I have the breakdown.   He has VERY few guys in his life (friends or business).  I can count on one hand and he acts miserable when around men.  He can wrap a women around his finger in a matter of minutes, I witness it over and over again.

To add chaos to mayheim... he gets furious if I have ANY male friends (had to get rid of them even though I was never "with" any of them sexually).  I can't even post a pic of myself online, (no matter how conservative it is) cuz if a man compliments me he gets furious and will say "Im just putting myself out there for attention"... so I hardly even post on social media anymore.  I got accused of "wanting to be with someone else" just because I did my hair for church last sunday!   So no... tables are not balanced.

None of my friends like him... my mother calls him one of those "charmers".  He's undoubtedly a nice guy... women get mad at me cuz they say "hes just nice and I'm being too hard on him".   He even openly admits he could have women lined up for him at any time.   Yes, he's slept with almost half of L.A (he's had soooooo many partners that's not much of an exaggeration), some of his "women" even tried to "friend me" that he was having "relations" with to stay close with him.  So,not knowing who to trust... I don't communicate with any of his "people" at all anymore.   Now trying to branch out on my own for friends or work... drives him crazy. 

On a good note, he has changed considerably and has cleaned up some of his behavior.. he doesn't call everyone "beautiful, love, goddess" (etc) any more (only cuz I don't want him too).  But they are telling him they "love him and miss" him all the time.  He says he doesn't reciprocate that (but I know he does when I'm not around or wont see).  He will usually show or tell me when a past "relation" calls or shows herself somewhere.  He doesn't go out (as far as I know) with any of his "women friends" anymore, but yes, he has multiple coaching vo clients in a back studio (alone) for hours sometimes, while I'm at work. (His studio is at our house, he works from home).  If I ask why one stays later than another and/or he continues with the lengthy big bear hugs (conveniently with the big boob gals) upon leaving, (which also happens to be the gals that stay the longest) he does get upset though. 

after all being said... (and A LOT unsaid)...

I do honestly think he loves me, and in his own way tries. That's why it's so confusing.  If there is "hope" anywhere in a relationship, is it worth all this pain?    Will I ever truly "get over" all the trust issues with a man like this?  Does the acceptance of all the "women" ever get better?  Is this just me being insecure?   Is it me?!   Can someone this "needy" of women's attention ever be a good partner?  Will the fears ever go away?

I have very few people i know (now that i moved here with him) and really no one I can chat with about this, so I just need to get some honest opinions from someone else.... before I lose my mind....   thanks for reading  :)

June 26, 2019, 06:02:24 AM
Reply #1
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Mchill


He’s a player.

The app is forcing me to elaborate.

He knows what he’s doing, he took steps to get there, and does what he needs to stay there. 

It’s not your imagination.  He will be this way till he’s a dirty old man hanging out at the strip club buying table dances.

I assure he likes the attention and he will never not work it.

Being an actor has certain perks and some eat it up.  I was in a cover band once when i was young and we weren’t that good.  But after few drinks, no one knows the difference or they don’t care.  But i was blown away at the amount of women that would throw themselves at me.  They would even tell me “it’s ok, I’m married” or “i know you have someone else, let’s have some fun” on and on and on.

I’m closing:   Seriously, pay attention. This is something my dear old Dad told me a thousand times........”when someone shows you who they are, believe them”

September 21, 2019, 02:14:34 AM
Reply #2
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Sarah


Hi, I am so sorry you are going through all this. I am somewhere in the same situation. Everyone is telling me to kick him out. But instead I took him to counselling. I should take my own advice I’m giving to you: Run and don’t look back. He is a narcissist.

October 10, 2019, 06:50:58 AM
Reply #3
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AGT


Man doesn't have to have many woman in his life.  He needs the 'one and only'.  If he cannot find her, then it will be put into his 'one and many'.  It is a cruel fact.  Man are more emotionally fearful.  You will meet someone who deserve you some day.  Trust your instinct and get to love and take care of yourself first.

January 20, 2020, 10:33:56 PM
Reply #4
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Kalinka1890


Learn to love yourself FIRST, then others will love you too.
Good luck!

 

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