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Author Topic: Is he really over his ex and ready to commit? or am I too insecure to trust?

April 15, 2020, 09:01:05 PM
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MARCH- I met this guy in a family vacation (will refer to it as SAFE HAVEN) just 3hrs away from home. Each time I went to there back in 2016,  I would just pass by where he worked (beach restaurant), and chat with him for a while. I'm a natural social butterfly, so meeting new people it's VERY easy to me. While he was in his shifts we would just talk about my lifestyle in the metropolitan area, about his being in the coast, my goals and his as well. It was a very reciprocal thing, but no flirting included from my side. For the 3rd visit we already added each other in instagram and snapchat. That same year my 2yr long relationship with my ex was failing, went through cheating and humiliation.

SEPT- When I went to the Safe Haven I had recently broken up with my ex after holding a year of domestic violence, so naturally I would visit his work place to distract myself (0 intentions) and I noticed a change in body language but like when you detect a fuckboy, you follow me? He was a little bit flirtier, cockier, etc. When I get back home, I started to look him up in FB because it felt fishy to me and realized he HAD A GF. When he tried to flirt with me through social media, I would ALWAYS bring up his partner and made him understand that I wasn't that kind of girl. Either he RESPECTED ME and treated me as a friend or forget about it. He understood my boundary and we kept talking through social media, where he would ask me for advice regarding college, business or relationship wise and I gladly offered him my knowledge expecting nothing in return.


MARCH- I decided to celebrate my bday in the SAFE HAVEN with my friends, and told him that was a good chance for me to meet his gf (which he had already expressed how jealous she was, towards me and every other female, stupid me gave him advice on how to handle that). I met her, told her how much he talks to me about her whatever, anything to make her feel secure that NOTHING was going on between us, the truth. Then, I proceeded to invite them after their shifts to the apartment I was staying because I was having a get together. She denied and then when he got off the shift he told me she was waiting for him so he just wished me a great bday and left.
APRIL- A month later his gf writes me trough IG explaining that she felt insecure and wanted to know if anything happened between us. I was honest told her no, and explained the times he tried to flirt but I made him VERY aware I didn't like it because I respected their relationship and myself.

MAY- He writes to me saying that he will block me because he wanted to make his relationship work, she didn't like me (hurt because I'm very likeable) and asked him to stop having communication with me. I understood, advised him not to, it was unhealthy but respected his decision.

JUNE- He unblocked me, said he was sorry and I continued to listen to him and advise him.

OCT- He did the same thing because she asked for it AGAIN. At that point I felt mad and taken advantage of, so I blocked him everywhere because I knew he was going to come back.

APRIL- I came in differently, I stopped being everyone's therapist, because I finished healing my damn past. I went on a road trip for a friend's birthday and there was a stop, guess where... yup, in the Safe Haven. VENGEFUL ME KNEW, I had to go to his restaurant because I wanted him to apologize to my face. Just so my mind could have peace knowing that he acknowledged I was a truly great friend and that he was selfish using my friendship to fix his emotional damage and not even care for mine as much as I did with his. Well, he did apologize and I let that grudge go. But fucking lucky me, he was now starting the breaking up process in his toxic relationship. I added him on social media, and just helped him out but not with the same intensity I used to. I gave him the words I wanted to hear when I was on my abusive relationship. Then we hung out for my "post" bday a week later outside of his job, nothing obviously happened, I was no one's rebound. I was distant though, I was tired of carrying his emotional burden because I noticed he was codependent.

JUNE-  he invited me to a party in MY AREA, I accepted but reluctantly, I really thought I was going to come up with an excuse to ditch him, but when I did, it was too late, he already drove 3hrs. with his friend to my area. I didn't even allow him to pick me up. After that he went back to the coast, I continued with my life, but we talked over social media, and left him VERY clear he needed time alone to heal and fix himself.

AUG- As this process went on, he came back to my area with his friend to hang out. I was slightly drunk so when we were saying goodbye I kissed him lightly. I apologized, explained it to him, made it clear to him again that he needs time alone. Communication continued the same, I get to know him better, he is hardworking, full time student, has very clear goals, funny, has initiative and was respectful to me, but still mentioned his ex not in an insulting way but in a hurtful way. He knew that there were some boundaries he shouldn't even try with me.
DEC- I start to talk to him in more of a daily basis, because he ALWAYS wrote to me first even though I would ignore his messages for DAYS.

JAN- When I came back from my new years overseas vacation I visited him in the Safe Haven, because my inner fuckgirl (which wasn't interested in sex but do play with his hopes) also dedicated herself (from Aug to Dec) to sell him dreams and hopes of me going back to the coast to visit for another casual hang out. I kind felt guilty so I passed by surprised, he seemed genuinely happy. So 2 weeks after, him and my bff planned a "surprise" visit were I lived. I really got shocked that he drove the 6hrs for just a 3hr visit.

FEB-  I agreed to start dating but I always chose the dates to be in MY area just to actually prove if he really is committed as he mentioned in the surprise visit. He has NEVER missed one, or put a "but" nor arrived 5 mins late.

April- Fast forward to today, he listens to me, for my bday due to quarantine we couldn't spend my bday together but still he sent me gifts, we facetime every time, BUT occasionally he still mentions the hurtful things his ex did to him. I'm scared he might go back with her and well block me again...

AM I to insecure? is he ready?


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