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Author Topic: Im still hung up on being the second choice and wonder if ill feel good enough

October 18, 2018, 11:05:57 AM
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basil123


so im in a relationship with a guy named mark, we have been dating for 4 months now. Me and mark were really good friends for a year. 7 months of that year he was dating a girl. during this time I started to fall involve with mark. me and him would hangout just the two of us at least once a week, he would even come over to my house sometimes as friends. He even came to me for relationship advice a few times :/. I didn't tell him I liked him for a long time, when I finally did he was still in a relationship. about a week later he left his girlfriend (for more reasons than just me). Me and him started our romantic relationship a little to fast, things were going ok and we really liked each other. only problem was that he wasn't interested in anything sexual with me. I found this weird, but was so in love I didn't address it. until one day he broke up with me telling me he still likes his ex. I was broken. I finally thought he was mine, but he never really was. we went a week not being together. he comes running back to me telling me that he had sex with his ex and then found out she had sex with his friend, she hurt him and now he wanted me. he felt awful. So, like the desperate person I am I took him back because I was so in love  with him. now, things seemed back to normal (we were now having good sex)  until his ex started getting crazy, wouldn't stop texting him and wanting to meet up to talk things through again and again. one day he tells me he doesn't know who he wants and I die a little inside... again. next day he tells me he is in love with me and he chooses me. him telling me he loves me is a big deal for mark. he never told any of his other girlfriends he loves them, he tells me he's never seen a future with another girl but me, he wrote a damn song for me, he tells me he'd die for me. he totally loves me. he blocked his ex, told her that he never wants to speak to her. happy ending right? well, I will never feel enough. he tells me im more than enough. I will always feel like a second choice. he constantly tries to reassure me that he is crazy about me. im crazy about him, but will I ever be completely happy with this fear in my head that im not enough? thanks for reading this, I just want to feel secure.

October 18, 2018, 11:36:06 AM
Reply #1

missg


so im in a relationship with a guy named mark, we have been dating for 4 months now. Me and mark were really good friends for a year. 7 months of that year he was dating a girl. during this time I started to fall involve with mark. me and him would hangout just the two of us at least once a week, he would even come over to my house sometimes as friends. He even came to me for relationship advice a few times :/. I didn't tell him I liked him for a long time, when I finally did he was still in a relationship. about a week later he left his girlfriend (for more reasons than just me). Me and him started our romantic relationship a little to fast, things were going ok and we really liked each other. only problem was that he wasn't interested in anything sexual with me. I found this weird, but was so in love I didn't address it. until one day he broke up with me telling me he still likes his ex. I was broken. I finally thought he was mine, but he never really was. we went a week not being together. he comes running back to me telling me that he had sex with his ex and then found out she had sex with his friend, she hurt him and now he wanted me. he felt awful. So, like the desperate person I am I took him back because I was so in love  with him. now, things seemed back to normal (we were now having good sex)  until his ex started getting crazy, wouldn't stop texting him and wanting to meet up to talk things through again and again. one day he tells me he doesn't know who he wants and I die a little inside... again. next day he tells me he is in love with me and he chooses me. him telling me he loves me is a big deal for mark. he never told any of his other girlfriends he loves them, he tells me he's never seen a future with another girl but me, he wrote a damn song for me, he tells me he'd die for me. he totally loves me. he blocked his ex, told her that he never wants to speak to her. happy ending right? well, I will never feel enough. he tells me im more than enough. I will always feel like a second choice. he constantly tries to reassure me that he is crazy about me. im crazy about him, but will I ever be completely happy with this fear in my head that im not enough? thanks for reading this, I just want to feel secure.

so sorry you're going through this @basil123 that sounds horrible.

i have to admit that when i started reading this my alarm bells were ringing, as i personally couldn't imagine being friends with someone for so  long and then suddenly start dating them. that would feel very weird to start kissing a friend. i understand that you liked him the entire time but oculdnt make a move because he had a boyfriend, but did he ever show affection to you or interest whilst he was with her?

to me it sounds like you were a rebound, which sounds harsh, hence why he wouldn't leave his girlfriend in the first place to be with you and only got with you when it ended, and then as soon as he got with you, he then decided that he wanted to be with his ex again (or at least try to get back with it).

i think you deserve better and it may be hard to let go of him because you like him so much, but i think its for the best!

let us know how you get on, i know this isn't probably the advice you want to hear but that's my side of what i think ... hope it helps xx

 

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