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Author Topic: I’m so quick to run

April 17, 2019, 02:59:22 PM
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georgiagirl


I’m a 34 year single mom with 4 children from my first marriage.  I would consider myself a pretty successful, attractive woman. I own my own home and my own car. I take care of myself and my kids on my own 100%. However, I’m from a small southern town and the dating pool sucks. I’ve been cheated on, beat on, mentally abused. I’ve dated since my divorce in 2011, and had an on and off relationship that was extremely toxic and I’m glad it’s over with and I spent some time alone. I have a tendency to find the worst and I think I can save them. The three relationships I’ve been in were with addicts. I’m saying all this to say after spending that time to myself I realized I was worth so much more than what I’ve been dealing with. Those people did not deserve a woman like me. Not my success but the way I love. I give my all to the person I love, those people loved to take. Making someone smile is my goal. I love being a wife. I love taking care of someone. I love being a mom. Success only matters to an extent but I don’t need anyone. I have found the most amazing man. He treats me like a queen. We’ve been dating since the beginning of the year and I have fallen in love with him and he’s crazy about me. He’s a good man with a career and his own home. He takes care of his two children from his last relationship. They are his world. He is so respectful. He doesn’t even raise his voice. We are both Aquarius so that can be a bit of a challenge because we don’t like conflict so we both shut down a little. However, I run. I’ve never had a man that treated me so well. I’ve never had a man who was really worth much to be honest. Most guys in my town live with someone else, usually Mama and Daddy, don’t take care of their children by multiple women, don’t have a vehicle, half of them are “between jobs.” This man is wonderful. He served in the military for 6 years, he works hard, he is responsible. Anyway, I keep waiting for him to realize I’m not all he thought I was, like something is wrong with me. He tells me I’m beautiful, I mean I’ve been told that of course but he looks at me like women dream of. But looks aren’t worth a lot after a while. I never imagined finding a man like this. So when the least little issue comes up I try to run. I’m insecure, I just wait for him to go back to his ex-wife or find someone better. I know deep down that is not the kind of man he is. He’s never lied to me. I know he’s been more than honest. I just always want to give up so easily. He’s been good to me. He’s dealt with all that crazy and just loves me through it. Why do I always run? This man is husband material. He is truly a keeper. I could see spending my life with him. He is so good to my kids. He plays football with my daughter, who loves football. He fishes with my sons. He is attentive and cares for them and I know it isn’t just impress me, believe me I see right through that. My kids don’t cut anyone slack and they love him. They love being at his house and hanging out with them. Why do I keep doing this? I don’t want to lose him and I want this to be my last first kiss, but I try to sabotage it all the time. What is wrong with me? I am afraid he will stop holding on one day and let me run. I’ll lose the most kind, gentle, sweet, giving, caring, honest, grateful, loving, I could go on all day, man I’ve ever met. Does anyone else do this? I need to stop but I don’t know how. I am too afraid of being hurt so I try to end it first. Help!?!

April 17, 2019, 03:20:40 PM
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geekgirl505


Hey there.  I know how you feel as I've been in similar shoes - too good to be true, you tell yourself.  A wise business ideal is that if its too good to be true, it probably is. But you have to check your pessimism at the door when it comes to relationships, as they're not like business.  I hear in one breath that you have a ton to offer (and you do!!), but then you're worried you're "not enough" for this guy.  Let him decide that for himself.  From my POV, however, it seems like this guy really treasures you and your kiddos.  Ride the good tide, and don't let the past hurt make you feel insecure.  Best advice I had heard in a long time is this - there's a difference between intuition and insecurity.  As you've been through the wringer in the past, I can guarantee this is your insecurities speaking - rather than intuition.  Insecurities speak from a place of past hurt, while intuition speaks a nagging, gnawing sensation in your gut in the "right now". Make sense?

For what its worth, you sound like you're winning a game of Monopoly, but you're still trying to flip over the board as if you're losing.  Finish the game - he is worth the same risks you took in past relationships, only to be hurt, abused, etc.  But here you are, alive and well, and desiring a healthy, happy relationship for you and your family.  So why not risk it for a good guy who's throwing up nothing but WHITE flags from the start?

Go enjoy your beautiful budding relationship!  You certainly deserve it, and so do the kiddos!!  So does your guy!!!  Peace and love, GeekGirl
« Last Edit: April 17, 2019, 03:23:36 PM by geekgirl505 »

April 26, 2019, 02:35:04 AM
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LostinLDR


I am also an Aquarius.... and also a runner. I have his deep seeded belief that at some point everyone is going to leave me, so I better not get attached. The problem with that is, that your insecurity will eventually be the cause of this seeming endless cycle. The only way I've found to stop it, is confront it. It is hard! Talk with your boyfriend. Tell him what you're scare of. Let him know you need that extra security or reassurance. Seriously one of the hardest things to man up to my insecurities and talk about them. For me, I tend to storm out during arguments or completely shut down and not talk. Once I was calm one time, I told him that he needs to keep me from leaving, tell me that he wants me to talk to him and be patient. During our next argument, he did just that. I felt so supported and heard, I'd forgotten what I was upset about. If he loves you and he cares (and it sounds like he does) he will listen to what you need and try his best to give it to you.

 

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