Lets Chat Love
Register An AccountLogin

Author Topic: I’m not allowed to have male friends..

February 14, 2019, 07:08:06 PM
Read 332 times
Offline

Gocubbies86


 So my boyfriend gets very jealous if I have any male friends. Stating “all men are dogs”. But he is allowed to have female friends who he talks to , hang out with and go to lunch with. Last night I tried to plan a romantic evening at home for us, mid date night he takes a call from one of those female friends and proceeds to talk for around 20 minutes. I flipped out. Am I overreacting???

February 14, 2019, 07:40:10 PM
Reply #1
Offline

JNelmondo


You aren't overreacting.

If you'll permit me being blunt...

He's projecting his insecurity on you.

It's the insinuations that get me. If I have a partner who says "women are all dogs" (I'm male) then the conclusion I'm going to come to isn't that women are all dogs, it's that she's saying that I am unable to control myself. As if we have no control over cheating or not. Please.

It sounds more like he's saying that he doesn't trust himself, so by extension he can't trust you. Again, I feel like he's just projecting a whole world of hurt on you.

Regarding his shrugging off the romantic evening. Well, he took you for granted the moment he started treating you like a possession.


Author of dubious success and the pixelated face behind the articles at the unknownbreakup.com

February 16, 2019, 04:29:55 PM
Reply #2
Offline

zombiepop


I was in a similar relationship for 6 years. I let it drag on way too long. You need to talk to him about this, and if he isn’t willing to change, then leave him. That sounds toxic to begin with and I’d hate for anyone to go through what I had to.

February 16, 2019, 09:19:40 PM
Reply #3
Offline

cheyh93


You’re not overreacting, you have the right to be upset if he gets upset about you having male friends. He should trust you with having male friends. It’s a double standard to tell you not to have male friends and he still talks to girls. This sounds unhealthy

April 03, 2019, 01:30:35 AM
Reply #4
Offline

Eagle425


I had an ex that was very controlling and jealous. I couldn’t have guy friends. No guys on my contacts on phone. Yet he had girls from work and I was to be chill about that. I wouldn’t have minded but he made me paranoid after he accused me of cheating while we were together which i didn’t. One thing I can tell you is it’s not fair for him to tell you something you can’t do yet he can. A relationship needs to be built around trust. So if he can’t trust you around other people just cuz he’s insecure he either a. Needs to fix that quick or b. Sorry you should get outta that relationship. I know that’s probably not what you wanna hear but trust me. Insecurity and jealousy make a controlling man

April 11, 2019, 07:20:09 PM
Reply #5
Offline

BroadwayUnicorn


You are not over-reacting in the slightest. It can't be one way for him and another way for you. Relationships should be 50/50 give and take. If he is trying to control who you are allowed to speak to, but then speaks to whomever he wants, that is unfortunately a huge red flag. If you can talk to him about it rationally without either of you flipping out, and can communicate in a way that helps him to understand how hypocritical he is being, and he agrees and adjusts, then things should be fine. If he does not, and wants to keep controlling you while acting however he wants, you may want to take a second look at if this man is the right person for you. If the person you are dating doesn't trust you, that is not a very solid foundation for a lasting and loving relationship.

April 12, 2019, 07:53:25 PM
Reply #6
Offline

KatrinaMoore


Not at all, sounds like he has control issues. This is a huge red flag as you should be allowed to be friends with whomever you choose. This means he needs to have total control and he does not trust you. As harsh as this sounds, I'd move on from this relationship.

April 15, 2019, 10:03:12 PM
Reply #7
Offline

pizza123


So my boyfriend gets very jealous if I have any male friends. Stating “all men are dogs”. But he is allowed to have female friends who he talks to , hang out with and go to lunch with. Last night I tried to plan a romantic evening at home for us, mid date night he takes a call from one of those female friends and proceeds to talk for around 20 minutes. I flipped out. Am I overreacting???


Def not! He is insecure and being disrespectful.

April 17, 2019, 12:05:41 AM
Reply #8
Offline

Clrptt


Of course you didn’t overreact. If he can have girl friends, you can have boy friends as well.
Did you try talking to him calmly once and explain him the problem ?

April 17, 2019, 02:30:32 PM
Reply #9
Offline

georgiagirl


I don’t think you’re overacting at all. If a person cares about a relationship they will respect it. Affairs and cheating don’t just happen they start out innocently, as oh we’re just friends. First and foremost it is disrespectful to cut into a date to take a phone call unless it’s a business call that must be taken or something to do with his children, if he has any. But to interrupt your dinner to talk to another woman, no way I would be okay with that. As I said, cheating doesn’t usually just happen. Typically it begins as a friendship. To me your partner should be your friend. I would not have deep intimate conversation with another man aside from my boyfriend. That is where affairs begin. I can see having other couples as friends or someone you know as a friend that you both hang out with together or comments on the silly things you post. But 20 minute conversations with a person of the opposite sex is just inappropriate. Some people are okay with this for each other but I don’t think it’s healthy. Don’t do things to one another you wouldn’t want done to you. The oldest rule in history and because it is so true. Before I do anything that may affect my relationship I ask if I would be okay with him doing it. I was close with my high school boyfriend. We actually were seeing each other but it didn’t work out. We dated for years in high school and we’re now 34 and 35. We started our relationship back up and it just didn’t work. However, we remained close, he found comfort in talking to me about problems in his life. I became his confidant. This lasted until things got more serious with the man in now dating. I asked myself one day after talking to the ex if I would be okay with the man I’m dating doing that and I realized I wouldn’t. That let me know I had to end this friendship. And that was it. I don’t speak to him anymore at all. It’s been a while since he even called. I think he realized how happy I am and how great of a man I have and backed off out of respect for me and his care for my happiness. But, if he were to call right now I would answer and politely tell him I don’t think it is healthy or respectful for us to continue being friends. My boyfriend has become one of my best friends. For my issues with him I talk to my other best friend of 24 years. He point is I care about him enough that I wouldn’t want to do anything to hurt him and I believe he feels the same way. If your boyfriend doesn’t feel like that then you can do better. We all deserve someone who considers our feelings as much as their own and he clearly is not doing that.

April 19, 2019, 01:50:12 PM
Reply #10
Offline

Purva


This shows his double standards. I thunk you should raise voice against him and not allow such things to happen with you

April 20, 2019, 11:36:55 PM
Reply #11
Offline

Tinmansheart


Control issues. Be advised. Have you tried couples counseling yet? He may be and is likely completely unaware of his insecurity.

 

Related Topics

  Subject / Started by Replies Last post
6 Replies
649 Views
Last post May 16, 2018, 07:15:37 AM
by Valentino
2 Replies
328 Views
Last post July 31, 2018, 12:09:34 PM
by Lissiel
3 Replies
325 Views
Last post August 02, 2018, 04:59:23 PM
by sidica
6 Replies
459 Views
Last post August 10, 2018, 08:39:38 AM
by ashmatt
2 Replies
325 Views
Last post August 06, 2018, 11:45:07 AM
by NesMarcos
2 Replies
349 Views
Last post November 14, 2018, 05:40:05 AM
by Pablo260
0 Replies
177 Views
Last post January 23, 2019, 11:41:45 PM
by needoutoffriendzone
2 Replies
193 Views
Last post March 10, 2019, 07:07:08 AM
by fuzzy1980
0 Replies
108 Views
Last post February 20, 2019, 06:52:47 AM
by JayEssss
1 Replies
101 Views
Last post April 03, 2019, 01:48:44 AM
by Eagle425
0 Replies
62 Views
Last post March 27, 2019, 12:32:05 AM
by KiwiAnchor
1 Replies
77 Views
Last post April 07, 2019, 03:29:46 PM
by will_m3s