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Author Topic: If I break up with him he might get worse..?

February 04, 2020, 10:46:37 PM
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Eggcellence


So I’ve had feelings for someone for at least a year now and we started dating in the summer last year. It really felt like a dream come true and I was always so happy to be around him, but I don’t know anymore.

We’ve both had problems with insecurities and anxiety and talked to each other about it on late night bus rides back from football games. He’s also had a past of cutting his leg at home and I’ve tried to get him to stop but he just doesn’t listen. I’ve pretty much taken care of my stuff and I know how to deal with it myself now. I’ve also tried my hardest to help him with his problems as well but he just doesn’t listen and keeps reverting.

We don’t have any classes together this year and after marching season ended we stopped talking as much because we don’t see each other anymore. (I’m also,, technically not allowed to date till college so it’s not like we can meet up anywhere else). And I hate myself for thinking this, but I just don’t think I like him anymore, l can’t handle his stuff anymore. He’s had a history of forgetting to do homework and losing assignments and it’s been a lot worse this year and he’s basically failing a bunch of his classes. I’ve tried really hard to get him organized and even did some of his missing assignments for him to turn in but he just ended up never turning them in and lost them. On the last day of winter break he had to make up a math test and he was refusing to because “it would only make things worse” and “I’m too stupid”. And I kept telling him anything is better than a zero and it took me an hour to eventually convince him to take it. That plus the missing assignments part just really pisses me off because I’ve been trying really hard to help him.

I’ve listened to his problems and provided solutions as well even fix them but he doesn’t try because he thinks he’s too stupid and anything he does makes it worse. I just feel like I can don’t anything more for him and he needs to learn how to do it himself but at this point it just seems like it isn’t going to happen. We sat together on the bus today going to some field trip and kind of felt like the same thing again. He told me he had a piece of glass under his bed and he was going to use it again tonight to cut himself even though I’ve told him a million times to throw it away and to promise me to never hurt himself again but he never listens. I also fell asleep and I woke up he started trying to peel the skin off his fingers because he liked how it hurt. And also tried to wrap the seatbelt around his neck to see if it would work. I just don’t think I can handle it anymore.

The fact that he was waiting for me to wake up to do it just makes me feel like he just wants attention from me, and I don’t think I want to continue with this anymore. He then told me about how his friends have been taunting him with “she probably doesn’t want to talk to you anymore” and “I talk more to her than you do” and that it gets to him and stuff. I honestly feel more like a nanny and a half rate therapist than an actual girlfriend. Don’t get me wrong, he’s really nice and sweet at other times but it’s not balancing out. I’m not saying I’ve been the best, I’ve made mistakes too but at least I’m trying to fix them. This probably makes me a horrible person but I can’t deal with all of his problems anymore. I also hate it when people don’t even try and just give up. I’d say I’m an academically strongest student and I usually like people who strive to do the same. And when people give up and quit things like he does, I don’t like it.

I don’t think I feel the same way anymore but I don’t know what to do. I feel like if I break things off he’ll just get worse but I also don’t want to get pulled down. His birthday is also soon, plus Valentine’s Day so it’s not great timing either. If I end them now he will probably do worse things and descend even more because he’ll think he’s not good enough. Should I keep going with it to keep him okay or break things off right now? I’m just really concerned about the aftereffects. (Thank you for coming to my ted talk)
« Last Edit: February 05, 2020, 04:16:41 PM by Eggcellence »

February 06, 2020, 11:32:19 PM
Reply #1
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gerbelz


I'm sorry that I'm going to have to break it to you, but you should never be in a position like this. You should never feel responsible to continue a relationship if you feel guilty about it. If you feel like you are not able to provide the emotional support he needs, then you should be honest with him. Ask him what he really needs from you. If you can not fulfill it, then at least guide him.

He might get defensive at first, but be strong. Be clear. Say that you are not responsible for his emotions and that suicidal thoughts is a battle you need to fight on your own. Tell him, "Take a good look at yourself. Look at who you are and what you are doing to the people who love you the most.". I used to be like your boyfriend, until I realized that I was affecting the people who wanted to help me. Someone told me, "I am wasting my time if you are going to be stubborn about how you feel. If you can not control your emotions and let it run like this, I don't know how to help you anymore." That was when I felt truly guilty about how I projected my feelings.

He doesn't want someone to love him and be there for him all the time. He wants someone to wake him up. He is desperate to get out of this shell and that is why he might seem like he needs your attention. He wants something from you and you aren't giving him the right answer. In reality, he just doesn't know how to say it.

Time will come when he will be thankful of what you said. He might become someone better and maybe you will love him again one day.

I promise you he will feel your love. Even if things seem shaky, he will know in the bottom of his heart that you are saying this because you want the best for him.

I suggest do it as early as possible. Describe everything clearly without being interrupted. I want to emphasize that. Without interruption. Say that he has made a mistake but that you want to make sure that you want to watch him grow from that. Learning to forgive yourself. Make sure this is all in person.

We are afraid of the uncertain, and you may be afraid of what might happen to him. But you will never know until you find out. Take the risk. It might change him for the better.

I hope everything works out! Good luck!

February 06, 2020, 11:33:25 PM
Reply #2
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gerbelz


Well technically suicide is not a battle on your own, that last stretch is. Just wanted to point that out.

February 09, 2020, 11:34:03 AM
Reply #3
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SimonEA


Try this powerful man from africa. he will help you. just talk to him and tell him what you are going through. find he contact here https://www.thespellsoflove.com/comments-and-testimonies

 

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