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Author Topic: I need advice.I don't know what to think...

March 27, 2020, 07:59:01 AM
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I am 23 years old girl and I have boyfriend who is 28 years old. We are together from about 7 years. In the begining of our relationship we were a young and fell in love. I am serious person and he also is.At the beginning of our relationship everything was completely innocent and we never thought we would stay together for 7 years.I was in high school and he was graduating.We are from a small town where there is not much to do and what to do during the day. There are one or two cafes to diversify and that's it.For the first two years, everything was normal. We went out for coffee in the evening, we saw each other whenever we could, we were constantly surprised.But the moment came when I became a 12th grader and started thinking about my university studies, which meant I had to move to our capital to start a job.I told him I wanted to come with me, live together, build a common home, a family and be somewhere where I could study and find a well-paying job.He kept postponing the topic, telling me I still had time to go and, suggesting he had a job, a house (he lives with theirs). He has everything and does not want to move.The time has come for me to go, and he decides that he cannot live in a big city, does not want to leave his home. And since then, some of my difficult years have begun.
   I moved to the capital, studied, worked, it was difficult, but my parents could not help me financially. I was doing it alone.I changed a lot of accommodation, lived with different people. But he never wants to come to me and be supportive of one another.One year we ran a long distance relationship. It was difficult, at first he traveled to see me, then stopped. I used to go home whenever I could, but it was difficult.I couldn't stand it and told him I wanted to separate. It's not difficult in the big city, everyone is fighting for a better life, everyone wants to develop, and there is no way that can happen where there are almost no people.We realized that we clearly wanted different things from life and we parted. And then began the circle, from which for the fourth year I can not get out.
  It was very difficult without him, but I was determined to continue my life. He didn't make plans for the future with me, and I wanted the opposite. I had started to get out of the depression I was in, but one day he started looking for me and told me he couldn't live without me.I love him very much and we get together despite the circumstances. He promised me that he would move at the earliest opportunity, and I believed him. Then another year passed, and he told me again that he could not leave his native place.In short, we parted again, I became depressed because I was experiencing the same thing every time.A few months went by and he looked for me again, telling me that he had already found a job, could not live without me and move. I couldn't believe it. There was no way I could live with him because I was responsible for the girl I was with.He told me it didn't matter and he would move into a room that had other people. Move, work started, everything was fine, I helped him when it was difficult. I started looking for a dormitory, making plans, and after maybe another year, it started to get cold.He avoided me, kept coming home, didn't ring so often, he was cold. And we were together for a long time and we didn't get anywhere.I asked him for an explanation of his behavior, and he said he didn't endure in the capital. And looking for a job in his native place.I was shocked that the same thing was happening again. It happened last year, it was very difficult for me. But I was determined to split up for the last time and not look for him again.We were separated for 2 months, it was difficult, I was depressed again and it was very difficult for me to continue, then I decided to make changes in my life. I changed my apartment, changed my hair and other things, but I didn't go anywhere.Did he look for me again, telling me that he acted like a fool, that he wanted to marry me, that he wanted to live with me, and so onI didn't believe him, because it was another time and everything we had got to was already ruined. He said he was serious this time and I should give him a chance. I did it because I love him.
  And now I'm in the same position. At the beginning of the year I told him that we would raise money, we would like an apartment, we would find a good job, I will graduate this year. And everything will be fine and we will get our lives in order.Two months ago, he told me he couldn't stand it here. He can't get better, he has a hard time paying rents, paying bills, wondering what to eat every time and can't stay. He started looking for a job. They still haven't called him from anywhere. But right now, we're just back in the same position.I was considering going with him, but after telling him that I wanted to find a house on our own, to live without his parents, he was still considering it. It is very difficult because of quarantine, nothing is happening now.He is not with me at the moment, he has been home for two weeks because they have been given leave of absence from their work. We hear, everything is fine, I do not raise the subject so as not to be confused. But we're not going anywhere.It is very difficult for me, I manage on my own and it is not easy for me, but that's why we are people.I don't know what to do. I wish I didn't think and go down the stream, but I'm not like that. He's fine because he's not fighting. I never made him do something he didn't want. He promised me himself. And I have some sense of guilt. It's like I'm guilty of getting here.Please give me some advice. I love him and I can't do without him. But I also want a nice job, to go out and have fun.
Thank you.

April 04, 2020, 05:42:33 PM
Reply #1


hey gal, in my experience, love can really change a person, in a positive way.
my advise is start learning how to treat yourself nicely then expand it on others.
the next step is learn how to find balance in a relationship
learn how to make him be obsessed with you so that his change will surprise you.
this article helped me figured out what men really want in a relationship, and it's totally not what I thought


hope this will help you like it helped me, and either way, wish you have a wonderful relationship

April 05, 2020, 01:32:14 AM
Reply #2


It seems like the both of you have very different priorities at the moment and what would be great is if you two actually find and look for a ground that the both of you can stand on...

I can tell that maybe neither of any location between the two of you right now could work, meaning it’s best if you both decide on a single location that you both can agree upon.

I know certain areas make for certain moods and people are always decisive so it’s important that you fix this between the two of you, this is the only thing that could probably work for you right now


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