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Author Topic: I had sex with my best friend/best friend of my ex. Please help.

July 02, 2019, 11:57:25 AM
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tearose422


So for background information. I was in a relationship with my ex for about 3 years during and just after College and we broke up two years ago. Our relationship was great, but definitely had its sore spots. We brokeup twice during the relationship, but the final breakup happened because he moved to a different country. Though the initial few months after the breakup were difficult for me, still having feelings for him, we both moved past it to where we even became friends who talked occasionally. So all and all it was a good relationship and he is a good guy.

Context on my/his best friend. We were friends in College when my now ex and I were dating, but became really good friends after my ex was supposed to live with him after graduating but moved to the other country instead. This opened up a spot in his apartment and I wanted to move away from home after graduating so because we were friendly we agreed to live together. For the past two years we have lived together and cultivated this friendship that has been unlike any I have had with a guy friend. We were there for each other with everything, school stress, relationships, and just good time hang outs and long talks. We became so incredibly close and I think there was always a mutual attraction but we made each other off limits because we lived together and we had this mutual friend/ex in common.

Fast forward to this past weekend (our last weekend living together in our apartment) and we hung out, got very intoxicated and had sex. I must note though, we were intoxicated but everything was still consentual. It's weird because I don't even regret having sex with him, just the potential aftermath. I am at this point now where I feel like human trash and so guilty because he was so strict about me being off-limits given the friendship connection, and I feel like I have ruined everything. We agreed not to tell my ex and though my friend and I are on ok terms, I feel so awful about defying his wishes and creating tension within his friendships.

I could tell you about how everything was consensual or how when my ex left for the other coutnry he said that he wouldn't mind if I dated our mutual friend, or this that and the other, but nothing really seems to justify my actions and though people say they are ok with such and such in theory, I know that is not usually the case in practice. So I am just looking for any advice on this situation in terms of how to forgive myself for feeling like I mucked up a perfectly good friendship in both cases. I literally feel so awful and can't stop crying and I am just so dissapointed with myself. Again though, any advice would be much appreciated. Thank you for reading.

July 10, 2019, 11:23:48 AM
Reply #1
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ReneeOfHearts


You weren't in a relationship with your ex so you shouldn't feel guilty. But rebound relationships/sex are things. Maybe you should explore if you have real feelings for your friend, unless you think you are going to get back with your ex.

Don't beat yourself up.

 

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