I need some advice. My partner and I have been together for 4 years. Our sex life has been basically non existent for years. When we do have sex I am the one who initiates and does the pleasing. My mom passed away 8 months after me and my partner started seeing each other and this is the excuse that she uses. She puts all the blame on that and me. We have talked to other people about this and in the moment I have agreed. But the more I think about it the more it pisses me off. This IS NOT all my fault.  She NEVER tries to have sex with me but gets upset and says she deserves someone who basically thinks about sex with her all the time. I feel like this is a two way street, that I shouldn't be the only one to try or initiate.  I need help! What should I do?

Maybe she is not that in to you. I think if it is possible to talk openly and honestly, you should let her know how you feel and encourage her to talk sincerely about her feelings. Sometimes to be really happy in life, we need to move on. Sorry if this seems like an opposite to what you want to hear but I have been there. I was not happy with my 1st marriage for many little issues that were never really resolved because they were never discussed. I became distanced and sex became a horrible task! I simply fell out of love.