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Author Topic: I am afraid to love and to be loved

January 08, 2020, 09:07:31 PM
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laveritamifamaleloso


I and this boy have been dating for months now. I enjoy his company immensely and we cliche, he is my best friend at the moment(cringe, I know) but he really supports me in everything I do. Last week, he told me he feels like he has the potential to love me so he going to open up in that regard, slowly over time. I got butterflies in my stomach like crazy and can't stop thinking about it when he told me this b/ I feel myself falling as well but I am so scared of investing in him b/ I am scared he will leave me and my heart would be broken. The more we get close the more I diverge from my authentic self and becoming more distant b/ I sense myself liking him A LOT and I wonder if he is just a boy saying crap. Whenever I tell him my concerns, he looks in my eyes with such concern and tells me that he would never do that etc etc and he is an amazing and considerate boyfriend, all I could ask for, but there is this voice in my head, this prevailing instinct. No matter what he says, I am still skeptical and it bothers me. However, I am a very guarded and skeptical person in general so there is a high change of over-reacting.
 Soon, we're leaving for college and our paths are quite different so if we continue to date, it would belong distant so in that regard, I am scared he would ditch me. However, we really work together and I feel if I invested, things would take off so part of me wants to invest just in case it works out. I think it most likely won't but IT COULD.  However, I don't have the guts nor the self-esteem to do so b/ I think of all my past experiences of ppl ditching me so every part of my body screams when I am 100 percent engaged. Therefore, I ponder the prevailing questions, How could I invest in him to give our relationship a true shot with the content of it possibly not working out? How can I become emotionally independent like that?

March 07, 2020, 12:59:24 AM
Reply #1
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samsome369


hi gal, I was in your shoes before. and here's an article that really helped me when I was struggling at the bottom.
I hope it could give you some enlightenment and inspiration like it helped me  :)

http://back.ly/Ay4dc

wish you have a great future with your loved one.

March 07, 2020, 02:41:39 PM
Reply #2
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LilyPouille


Hi there!

I think you should be honest with what you feel. Be true to yourself. To me, a relationship is over when one of the person stop trying to make it work.
Love people the more you can. What I'm trying to say is that you should make the best of what you already have. You seem to truly love your boyfriend and he seems to love you too.
For the personnal part about you being afraid of people leaving and the lack of self-esteem. You should try to work on it because it affects your realtionship and yourself mainly.
Keep us posted.
Live. Just live.

March 24, 2020, 07:51:29 AM
Reply #3
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cassandrasantos285


I know what you're talking about... I came across this. But I had a bitter experience in a relationship that grew into marriage. I also couldn't trust the guy who looked after me for a long time. But he did just incredible things for me. He was always there when I needed him, helping me. Sometimes he just drove me crazy with his actions. When he offered me to be his wife, I immediately agreed. That was incredible. I was sooo happy! We lived well with him, we felt so good together. And then I accidentally found out that he was a drug addict. I had a shock. I didn't expect this at all. The last thing I could guess was that he was a drug addict. I understand that perhaps I should have stayed with him and tried to fight him, but I was so scared that I couldn't remain his wife. He consumed more and more, and I just couldn't stand it and I decided to file for divorce in NY .
Despite the fact that my marriage was not successful, I can say that I absolutely don't regret the good time that we spent together.
Trust your boyfriend, let him love you. No matter how this story ends, I promise you that you will get a lot of good from it! Give to him a chance not to disappoint you!

March 26, 2020, 06:34:37 AM
Reply #4
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Layla34


Hi, well it is not an easy problem to solve but I think you should be honest with him and yourself. I assume your concerns stem from some bad past experiences with men so I think you need to work on your emotions in order to get rid of all your fears. I suggest finding a therapist and seeking professional help in general. And, remember that life is always about taking risks, so we all get hurt at times, but we can grow because of that. Try to believe in his intentions, people are different, not everyone wants to hurt us.

March 31, 2020, 02:35:56 AM
Reply #5
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DreamGuyxo


Learning with each other is best for you right now, there are so many things to learn about him to make sure that you would want to date.

You know you can always think positive as much as you can of him so you don’t get your feelings hurt.


 

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