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Author Topic: Can I trust him?

July 31, 2019, 01:27:45 PM
Read 3434 times


I went through my boyfriend's phone. It's not the first time. We dated for about a year and then we broke up. We're back together after 3 months and I wanted to check if he has actually changed, like he says he has, or whether he is still flirting and going out for solo dinners and drinks with other women.
There's this one beautiful woman that he works with, exactly his type, that he flirts with over text and that he keeps inviting to do things with him (like go out dancing). She always seems to cancel on him at the last minute, saying that she has to work late so maybe next time.
Anyway, I saw a text about a party that he invited her to last week. She bailed on him. He invited me the day before the party to go with him. I didn't know he had invited her before he invited me. It seems like because she couldn't go, he then invited me.
On the other hand, he tells me he loves me all the time and that he wants to build a live together. He also pursued me after 3 months of being apart. But something feels off. Why can't I trust him?
« Last Edit: July 31, 2019, 01:42:53 PM by amyyyyblack »

July 31, 2019, 01:52:16 PM
Reply #1


The reason it feels like he invited you because she couldn't go is because that WAS the case. Something feels off because something IS off...

He's chasing her cos shes unavailable and it's probably driving him nuts. I would say that should the opportunity presented itself where she actually decided to hook up with him, there's a 99% chance he'd take it. I mean, he's actively pursuing her and inviting her out to things ahead of you.

Apply this one rule to your life. "Don't listen to what people say, only watch what they do."'

Apply that to your post.
Words: Says he loves you and wants to live together
Actions: Pursuing another woman, using you as a back up plan, flirty texting

Talk is not only cheap, it's actually free. It's not worth anything. Those actions though? I'd be out of there.

August 01, 2019, 04:53:29 AM
Reply #2


You can't trust him because he is not trustworthy.  Let him go, don't waste your time around him!

August 01, 2019, 05:53:48 AM
Reply #3


You can't trust him because you have seen flirty texts of him with this lady he is pursuing. That's a red flag.

September 03, 2019, 05:27:38 AM
Reply #4


You can't trust him because he has lied and let you down so many times. You can't trust him because deep inside you know he hasn't changed. You can't trust him because you've probably never really trusted him to begin with. You shouldn't trust him cause if he managed to let you go once... you're not that special to him, and you should be...  you shouldn't be no one second best !

October 17, 2019, 12:09:01 PM
Reply #5


I'm new in here but I feel what your going through.  Only mine happened years ago.  I can't say I think you should leave him cause he don't seem sincere to you.  But I feel you should really start thinking about it if you don't want to live like that.  From what it seems it will probably only get worse.  You can't trust him cause he's not trustworthy if he's still doing these types of things.

December 03, 2019, 06:44:50 PM
Reply #6


No you cannot trust him.  Have you discussed this matter with him just out of interest as to what his reply would be?  I think it would be worth your while even if all it does is to catch him out with his narcissistic behaviour.  The best way to deal with this would be to leave the relationship asap in order to get over this the quickest way possible because you will only just leave yourself open to more pain over a longer time if you don't.  Unfortunately he does not respect you.

December 03, 2019, 07:06:39 PM
Reply #7


Yes I agree with everyone on here. He is not to be trusted. Trust your gut instinct. If something feels wrong, more often than not, it is.

You should never be someone's last option if you are in a relationship with them!!! It's almost like he wants to have his cake and eat it ..
It's like he doesn't want you but he doesn't want anyone else to have you either..
I know it's hard because you obviously love him and I was exactly the same in my past situation but he clearly has no respect for you What so ever.
The fact you are going through his phone is telling because you clearly don't trust him already or else you wouldn't need to go through it at all.
The trust issues will only get worse unless you guys confront it face to face. Talk about it and find out whether or not this is a relationship that you two should continue... because if both of you aren't in it.. it's not going to work. And trust me when I say there's nothing worse than wasting time on someone who has no plans of really making a future with you like you want to with them.

 You are better than this. For others to respect you.. you have to respect yourself first. And he will regret it all when/if you do decided to leave an move on but he doesn't deserve you. Just my opinion.

December 04, 2019, 02:48:53 PM
Reply #8


I wouldn't be able to trust him after that!

December 08, 2019, 07:58:00 AM
Reply #9


Unfortunately you cannot trust him.
He is obviously not fully satisfied with being in a relationship with solely you unfortunately and seems to be seeking something and someone else. And anything for an easy life we go along with what feels normal at home etc - trust me I’ve been this person.

He is looking at other women and inviting them ahead of you because he will always be seeking a better relationship than what you have together unfortunately. Despite him being the one to pursue you back.

I am very sorry but you need to get out and find someone wholly dedicated to you. Or you could have fun finding that person and put your boyfriend on the backburner same as what he is doing.

December 16, 2019, 04:37:04 PM
Reply #10


No move on you can not trust him.

December 16, 2019, 06:42:26 PM
Reply #11


It sounds like you cannot trust him OR that he is totally crazy and sends these invites and flirts to him self pretending he is her (that happened to me) to sound more desired...

December 19, 2019, 10:23:53 AM
Reply #12


I agree with all the others. Doesn’t sound like you can trust him. I know that’s hard to hear because you love him and want your relationship to work out. I’m so sorry

December 28, 2019, 10:16:39 PM
Reply #13


No. He absolutely cannot be trusted. You are fairly early in.  If he's doing things like this now he's not ever going to completely change. He will disappoint you and break your heart.This is from someone 25 years into a marriage that started with cheating and lying followed up with promises that it would never happen again. I have never been able to prove he slept with anyone else but he has exhibited untrustworthy behavior many times and he pays attention to other women in ways that cause them to develop crushes on him. If I had a penny for the number of times I've met women he's known through his job that have looked me up and down(as a romantic rival) I'd be rich. You can't imagine how embarrassing that is. I often wonder what might have been if I'd been smart enough to send him packing and insisted on waiting for a man who had the respect to only look at me and adore me. I guess I wouldn't have my kids, though. I hit the last straw and saw clarity two years ago. I was absolutely done and we almost divorced but I have now decided to stay until my kids are out of the house. Do yourself a favor and get out now before the situation is complicated by marriage and kids.  You are worth way more than putting up with this kind of behavior that breaks down your self esteem and makes you behave in a way that's out of character.

December 31, 2019, 12:17:24 AM
Reply #14


He can't be trusted! You're much better off moving on to find a man that deserves you and will treat you right!

January 02, 2020, 06:26:06 PM
Reply #15


Trust your gut.  If you don't trust someone and you have to resort to snooping, then why are you with them?  Clearly you don't trust him, so why are you with him?  You were second choice, so what does that say?  If he is still behaving like this after 3 months of being back together, do you really think it's going to get better?  Put yourself first, because he is definitely putting himself first. 
I’m a friend; first, something I don’t take lightly.
I am a writer for children’s books. and I own publishing company, and a daycare center.  In addition I am one of the writers for lastingloverelationships.com

January 03, 2020, 11:38:12 AM
Reply #16


Clearly he doesn't show you the respect you deserve out of the relationship, he thinks that because you don't know about this other woman it's totally fine for him to continue on messaging and flirting. He might even soon grow tired of this woman and move on to another who doesn't bail on him, and will continue to do this under your nose. He's not worth your time or the second chances. I say trust your gut, confront him, and let him go.

January 16, 2020, 06:29:56 PM
Reply #17



My answer would be no way! If you know this for certain, then I'd confront him. Relationships are hard enough without having to worry what your partner is up to.

January 21, 2020, 01:47:44 PM
Reply #18


sorry, when you smell smoke, there usually is a fire. Hope im wrong but it seems like something is going on

January 21, 2020, 04:00:56 PM
Reply #19


You cannot trust him because he is investing a lot of time on her which normally people invest on the person they are having relationship with. It maybe that between the time you broke-up and got back together or otherwise also he had his eyes on this girl. Maybe she is not reciprocating his advances as per his expectations so he keeps on pursuing on her. There is a thrill to it. On why he got back together with you there maybe various reasons maybe he is used to having you around. You may offer him some sort of emotional or structural stability\security in his life or it may also happen that he wants you around and also have the girl as well for the thrill or whatever he feels for her.
But everything aside. You thought trr to have a very level- headed, rational and honest discussion with him over his pursuit of multiple girls at once and if he seems to give evasive or too emotional answers which do not clear up your doubts. You should end things with him or be prepared to deal with his on-off dalliances in future.

January 27, 2020, 08:24:23 AM
Reply #20


You can't trust him after this,stop spending time on him

February 07, 2020, 10:55:25 AM
Reply #21


i don't think you can trust him a tall. don't make yourself an option.

February 20, 2020, 08:12:54 AM
Reply #22


It sounds like you already know the answer if you're looking through his phone to make sure he's not up to anything. It doesn't sound like you trust him and I don't think you should either. Maybe talk to him about it or speak to the woman he's been trying to meet if you feel comfortable doing that.

June 21, 2020, 11:34:39 AM
Reply #23

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June 23, 2020, 02:28:34 PM
Reply #24


He seems pretty shady to me. Please be careful!

July 01, 2020, 03:42:39 AM
Reply #25


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July 01, 2020, 06:05:54 AM
Reply #26


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July 22, 2020, 06:39:31 PM
Reply #27


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July 24, 2020, 06:44:50 PM
Reply #28


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July 27, 2020, 12:33:43 PM
Reply #29


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July 28, 2020, 06:18:18 AM
Reply #30


If your guts telling you not to trust him, listen to it.

July 30, 2020, 01:48:11 AM
Reply #31


hmmm looks like you are second option to him and thats bad, nobody likes to be second option not especially in their relationship, for me i would say you observe him for sometime and see if his attitude changes before making a decision.....

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August 02, 2020, 11:44:12 AM
Reply #32


I'm so sorry you are going through this. I'm going through a similar situation and I know how much it hurts.

It's so hard to let go and your heart wants to believe he loves you and only you.

I can only pass on advice that someone has given me and that is that he is who he is and that can't be changed.

You deserve to be someone's one and only...you deserve better.

It's hard advice and in fact I've failed to take it myself...still I do think you deserve to be treated better.

August 04, 2020, 04:54:10 PM
Reply #33


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August 09, 2020, 12:46:19 AM
Reply #34


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August 12, 2020, 04:33:53 PM
Reply #35


Definitely, should not bother entertaining this kind of guy.

Avoid These Type of Men

August 13, 2020, 04:33:42 PM
Reply #36


He seems disrespectful to you. I think you should move on. You deserve better

September 03, 2020, 07:30:30 AM
Reply #37


I think you already know the answer to this one :-\
All the best xx


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