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Author Topic: I'm emotionally cheating

August 31, 2019, 08:20:43 PM
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confusednreckless


Sorry for my bad English. I'm a bisexual girl. I am in a long distance relationship with my girlfriend. She lives in Vietnam. I lives in US. We have been together more than 1 year. At the beginning, my love for her was intense. But it disappeared gradually. My co worker (A) and me like each other. He liked me since I first met him . At that time I was still in love with my girlfriend. So I ignored him. But then I started talking to him when I don't have feelings with my girlfriend anymore. We hung out, flirted heavily. No sex, no kiss, only hug. I told my girlfriend about A. She was extremely hurt. Everytime we talked, she cried. I told her I wanted to be friend with her. She didn't agree. She forced me to stop talking to this guy. She said she would kill her self if I leave her. I agree with her to stop contact A. And A was not serious anyway, so he left me alone. He was in fact just a young boy looking for a good time.

I told my girlfriend that I will be with her but I want to have more time for myself. I don't want to spend so much time to talk to her everyday. It really takes a lot of my time. She is very clingy, and she has a lot of free time. I want to talk to her only twice a month.  I now realize that this is cruel to her. But I want her to detach from me gradually, and I also want more time for myself too. My girlfriend now decided to attended a meditation retreat. In the retreat, you supposed to focus on meditation and not using phone or talking too much. So we have not talk for 22 days.

 I had some problems with my job. So I left to work at another place. When I left, a guy (B )asked me out. At that time, I was sad because I realized that A did not like me a lot like I liked him. So I needed a rebound relationship. And I start texting to B. At this time my girlfriend was still on her retreat. And I thought that because I didn't like B, it was not cheating.  I thought that was like hanging out with a male friend. I told B about my girlfriend, he was ok with being friend with me. But then we started to flirt heavily. The good thing is he is very respecful and polite, so we have not do anything physical yet. I don't want to cross that line when things does not finish with my girlfriend. Am I cheating? I am waiting for my girlfriend to come back from the retreat. I cannot talk to her right now because it will disturb her mind. While she's gone, I has texted to B everyday, and I came to his house one time.

I don't understand American men. Why they want to be friend with you when they know you have a girlfriend already. B want a hug from me. Should I allow him to hug me?

Am I a bad person? Am I cheating? What can I do? I don't like my girlfriend but I don't want to hurt her. And I want to keep talking to this guy
« Last Edit: August 31, 2019, 08:24:00 PM by confusednreckless »

September 02, 2019, 08:02:25 AM
Reply #1
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PottedPlant


There's nothing wrong with having male friends while you're in a relationship, and maybe it's an American thing, but I don't see the problem with a hug.

An emotional affair isn't when you have a crush on someone (which happens in relationships, it's normal from time to time) but, instead of going to your partner about a problem you may have in your life, you go to the crush instead. Basically it's when you get all those emotional needs from someone else other than your partner, and I have to say... I don't think that's your case. Excuse me if I'm saying something harsh, but it sounds like your relationship with your girlfriend is already over, and you're not emotionally cheating, you're trying to move on with your life. You don't even want to talk to her anymore, and you said it yourself you feel like your needs are unfair to her.

I know you said she'll kill herself if you break up with her, but thats nothing short of manipulation. She's trying to make you feel bad for her so you'll stay, maybe in hopes of winning your heart back. That's not okay to do to someone. You both deserve to be happy, and from what you say, it doesn't sound like either of you are. Good luck.

 

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