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Author Topic: I'm confuse, what should I do?

September 01, 2019, 06:40:08 AM
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My bf and I started dating when he was 18 and I was 22. I was hesitant at the time cause of our age gaps but he was very sincere and persistent, eventually won me over. He was really sweet, always compliment me very chance he get, always make sure that I'm happy and try to cheer me up when I'm down. He try to see me every chance he gets and we try to organised dates to spend time together. He always say that I'm the one and he like to talk about our future, getting a house together, having our own kids and growing old together. He used to say that he feel really lucky and that he can't believe a girl like me would ever like him. I always try to tell him not to be so hard on himself. His is great person with great personalities. This was our first proper relationship, so everything was new to us.

Fast forward, we dated for 3 years now. During that time he was renting a room at a family friend place because he didn't get along with his family, but then he got into a disagreement with the owner of the house he was at. I was still living at home but wanted to help him out so I asked my mum if he could temporary stay in our spare room until he find a new place. I didn't realized what a big mistake that was.

At the beginning everything was great, we get to see each other everyday and we were really happy. He was a bit messy so his room always look quite disgusting, I didn't want my mum to judge him so I started cleaning up his room, I did talk to him about it, he agree to clean up after himself but he never really follow through. He became lazy to go out on dates, always say his tired or he rather just chill at home with me. The only time he would go out is when his friends organised a party or want to go out, which I am also invited, but it just doesn't feel the same. I didn't really ask for much, maybe a date night outside of the house once a week would be nice. He always say we will but never make the effort to organised anything. When I mention I want to go somewhere he would promise to take me but never keep his promise, I always end up feeling disappointed. The only time we get to do something is when I organised it and push for it.

Being at my house I know he wasn't comfortable doing everything so i try to help him where I can. For example, I do his washing, bring him dinner because he doesn't like going to the kitchen and organised his lunch while I do mine for work. He started to expect it and get annoy when I was unable to hangout his washing, we get into fights and it feel like he doesn't understand or appreciate me which made me feel even more frustrated and so angry. One time we stayed over at our friend place after a party, we talked about going to lunch together the next day and just spend time with each other, but the next day when we about to leave his friend ask where you guys going, he told them and ask them to come along with us. I was really upset because it was suppose to be just us, but he got annoy that I got annoy and told me to tell our friends not to come because he won't do it.

So as time passes, we fight more and everything just feel so hard. Even though we make up after a fight and sat down and have our talk about improving the relationship and try not to fight anymore, but it just doesn't seem to work and the more we have "the talk" the more I feel he just can't be bother listening and it soon became "great another talk" to him. Sometimes in anger we would say lets break up, but we never meant it, this happened at least twice. After one of our big fight he said he had enough and he was moving out with his older sister. I was really mad at the time so told him that is a great idea.

We decided to take a month break to clear our head and to decide what we wanted. I love him a lot, even though we fight I can still see a future with him and just want us to be good again like we used to be. When we met up after 1 month break, he told me he doesn't know what happened between us, how did we end up like this, he was really confused. I told him I still love him a lot and want us to work through this, but he told me that he don't think he love me anymore or only love me like a family. He said doesn't understand because he was madly in loved with me before, how come the feelings are no longer there like he remember, he started crying which made me cry.

I don't know what to do now. I don't have the answer for him to why he doesn't feel as much love toward me like he used to. Whereas I feel so much love towards him, we did fight a lot but the feelings never change for me. I don't want to loose him but I fear that he is distancing himself from me now. Should I keep trying to reach out or accept that maybe he never really love me from the beginning and should just let go of this relationship.


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