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Author Topic: How to redeem myself?

January 26, 2019, 04:00:31 PM
Read 1021 times


Hello everyone I am new to this forum. I need advice.

I met this guy through a dating app last week. And we really took things off by storm. I know I’m going to get some opinions about that. We met Thursday. Hung out Friday - it was late and I had been drinking so I stayed the night but we didn’t do anything. I went over Sunday where we almost hooked up. But he stopped and said that he though we were taking things slow, he wants to do this right, and I gained a lot of respect for him. And we did dinner Tuesday night.

I don’t know what’s wrong with me but I got super possessive. Which is not my typical character. I’ve never been controlling of a significant other ever. I can get territorial. Well Tuesday we discussed hanging out again the next day. We talked mostly through work pings. We don’t work for the same company but our companies use the same app and we can talk to ppl out of our network. He tells me he’s sick and can’t hang out. I make a joke if he was trying to bail out of hanging out. He said definitely not. Things were fine after that. Before the Weds hang out we had made plans to hang out Friday. Thursday after work I get a text from him being like hey so, don’t hate me. Some of the guy are planning a Vegas trip and I think I’m going to go. And I don’t know what’s wrong with me but it was like a switch flipped. And I didn’t get mad but he could tell I was definitely frustrated. I asked if he just didn’t want to hang out anymore. And he said he did, but my reaction freaked him out. And he mentioned how he thinks things are getting too serious too fast. How this is supposed to be the fun casual getting to know you phase. And how I should’ve been like cool have fun. I just don’t like changed plans. And don’t like being bailed on. Which I tried to explain to him. And I was like do you not want to talk anymore. To which it sounded like he was hesitant to say yes or no. And was like I need to think about this. And if this is something I want. I need like tonight and this weekend in Vegas. Didn’t tell me when I’d hear from him.

Up to this point he would mention how he thinks I’m very cute. He likes me. He likes kissing me. Is very sweet and cute when we are together. And I just messed everything up and don’t know how to fix it.

Later that night I texted him Goodnight which he didn’t respond not abnormal. I didn’t message him right away on our work ping the next day. But sent him something like hearted “ hey I hope you have fun in Vegas. Don’t have the move the hangover moment. Actually never do it and take videos”. He didn’t respond. And I’ve left him alone since.

He did look at my Instagram story but I’m sure I’m just reading into that.

My game plan if I haven’t heard from him by then. Is to reach out Wednesday and apologize. I want to talk to him in person. I’m not sure what to say and need help not sounding even more needy.

He does have my basket of vodka that I’d like to get back and he’s aware I want it back. We talked about it before this whole ordeal.

Thanks everyone. Sorry that it was so long

January 27, 2019, 02:29:02 PM
Reply #1


Sorry to hear about your situation.  I obviously don't know you, but I would assume, based on how you describe the situation, the reason you were acting so possessive is because you genuinely like him, and you're worried about losing him.  Maybe I'm completely wrong but that's what makes the most sense to me.  I would say your game plan is probably your best bet.  Wait until the appropriate time (you'd know better than I would when that would be, just don't wait too long) and tell him you wanted to talk.  I'd recommend over a phone call or in person.  Texting is fine but it'd be harder to communicate what you wanted to get across.  Tell him how you feel and that you'd hate for things to be ruined just because of that one misstep.  If he likes you, hopefully he'll understand and give the whole thing a second chance.  The fact that he wanted to take things carefully and seriously leads me to believe that he is/was serious about a relationship with you.  Good luck!

January 27, 2019, 04:37:06 PM
Reply #2


After only a few dates, you started being too needy, and I'm guessing that was a huge turn-off to him.

I would wait a few weeks and then text him again.  If he doesn't respond, move on.
"But the rain is full of ghosts tonight, that tap upon the glass and listen for reply."

-Edna St. Vincent Millay

January 27, 2019, 09:48:02 PM
Reply #3


When a guy senses the neediness this is classic remark "And he mentioned how he thinks things are getting too serious too fast". You really only have one option and that is to leave him alone and see if he misses you. No text, no phone, no ping, become a ghost and if he really wants you he will come to you. Otherwise, every time you text, call, ping, etc he sees you as someone who is desperate and desperation is a real turn off for most guys.