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Author Topic: How do you overcome possessiveness and insecurities?

November 20, 2018, 04:34:23 PM
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sandythecat


Hello.
First of all thank you for stopping by. I appreciate everybody who actually reads this post and I am open for all kind of advises.

I have a partner and we've been together for almost 6 years now. Currently we're working together but soon we're going to have to work separately. We've never been separated before and this change actually scares me. I have trust issues, probably due to my previous relationships and my insecurities related to how I look physically. But my partner has never betrayed me and always treat me with love and kindness. Due to the plan of having different schedules, different circles, and lack of time together, lately I've been feeling very insecure, and I realize that I'm being possessive. My possessiveness has impaired my quality of life because due to the emotions I don't know what to do with I've been unproductive, violent, and unhappy. I made my partner sad and unhappy too.

My question is how should I deal with insecurities that lead to possessiveness?

Thank you :)

November 20, 2018, 07:08:17 PM
Reply #1

missg


Hello.
First of all thank you for stopping by. I appreciate everybody who actually reads this post and I am open for all kind of advises.

I have a partner and we've been together for almost 6 years now. Currently we're working together but soon we're going to have to work separately. We've never been separated before and this change actually scares me. I have trust issues, probably due to my previous relationships and my insecurities related to how I look physically. But my partner has never betrayed me and always treat me with love and kindness. Due to the plan of having different schedules, different circles, and lack of time together, lately I've been feeling very insecure, and I realize that I'm being possessive. My possessiveness has impaired my quality of life because due to the emotions I don't know what to do with I've been unproductive, violent, and unhappy. I made my partner sad and unhappy too.

My question is how should I deal with insecurities that lead to possessiveness?

Thank you :)

Hi @sandythecat - welcome to the forums and first off, well done for admitting that it's an issue!

Some people tend to keep it to themselves and claim that it isn't a problem, but I'm glad that you're seeking advice.

Personally i think change is always good and it isn't healthy (as you're probably now aware) to spend to much time together. Considering you were spending time together at home, on the weekends and at WORK ... it's way to much time!

being apart will make you both value your relationship more, which is exciting and you will genuinely miss him and look forward to seeing him when you aren't together. it's all tough to deal with at first but in the long run, it will most certainly strengthen your relationship.

i think you need to realise why you're feeling this way about your partner and why you're so deeply in love with him, hence the possessiveness. instead of being possessive, praise the fact that he's decided to be with you, enjoy the relationship and realise that he has chosen YOU and no-one else.

i hope you work this out but if you keep at it, the chances are you will push him away xx

November 21, 2018, 12:28:57 AM
Reply #2

sandythecat


Hello.
First of all thank you for stopping by. I appreciate everybody who actually reads this post and I am open for all kind of advises.

I have a partner and we've been together for almost 6 years now. Currently we're working together but soon we're going to have to work separately. We've never been separated before and this change actually scares me. I have trust issues, probably due to my previous relationships and my insecurities related to how I look physically. But my partner has never betrayed me and always treat me with love and kindness. Due to the plan of having different schedules, different circles, and lack of time together, lately I've been feeling very insecure, and I realize that I'm being possessive. My possessiveness has impaired my quality of life because due to the emotions I don't know what to do with I've been unproductive, violent, and unhappy. I made my partner sad and unhappy too.

My question is how should I deal with insecurities that lead to possessiveness?

Thank you :)

Hi @sandythecat - welcome to the forums and first off, well done for admitting that it's an issue!

Some people tend to keep it to themselves and claim that it isn't a problem, but I'm glad that you're seeking advice.

Personally i think change is always good and it isn't healthy (as you're probably now aware) to spend to much time together. Considering you were spending time together at home, on the weekends and at WORK ... it's way to much time!

being apart will make you both value your relationship more, which is exciting and you will genuinely miss him and look forward to seeing him when you aren't together. it's all tough to deal with at first but in the long run, it will most certainly strengthen your relationship.

i think you need to realise why you're feeling this way about your partner and why you're so deeply in love with him, hence the possessiveness. instead of being possessive, praise the fact that he's decided to be with you, enjoy the relationship and realise that he has chosen YOU and no-one else.

i hope you work this out but if you keep at it, the chances are you will push him away xx

Hi @missg thank you for your kind answer. It's my first time joining a forum and I already feel a lot better. I think writing things down really helps me untangle the emotions and thoughts I have in my head. Giving answers to others makes me feel happy and worthwhile.

Yes, I fully realize it's an issue because I feel unhappy and we fight a lot ever since. We've been together since uni, now we're both doctors and going to start our residency in different departments hence different units even different hospitals. The problem is that there will be almost no time for us to be together in residency. I know this is important to him as it is to me, but I feel like he's more okay with it than I am.

I appreciate the fact that he chose me, everyday. It's just if he spends way more time with other people than me, isn't it possible for feelings to grow? I trust him, but given the situation I think it's kind of unavoidable. There are cases of cheating among residents and separations even divorces are not uncommon.

I'm trying to make peace with myself because I know there's nothing wrong with him and I can't cling to him forever. I know I need to trust him and distance myself from him to give myself sense of independence and learn not to be overly attached with him.

Thanks again. It really helps to talk to other people with different perspectives :)

November 21, 2018, 03:35:08 PM
Reply #3

missg


Hello.
First of all thank you for stopping by. I appreciate everybody who actually reads this post and I am open for all kind of advises.

I have a partner and we've been together for almost 6 years now. Currently we're working together but soon we're going to have to work separately. We've never been separated before and this change actually scares me. I have trust issues, probably due to my previous relationships and my insecurities related to how I look physically. But my partner has never betrayed me and always treat me with love and kindness. Due to the plan of having different schedules, different circles, and lack of time together, lately I've been feeling very insecure, and I realize that I'm being possessive. My possessiveness has impaired my quality of life because due to the emotions I don't know what to do with I've been unproductive, violent, and unhappy. I made my partner sad and unhappy too.

My question is how should I deal with insecurities that lead to possessiveness?

Thank you :)

Hi @sandythecat - welcome to the forums and first off, well done for admitting that it's an issue!

Some people tend to keep it to themselves and claim that it isn't a problem, but I'm glad that you're seeking advice.

Personally i think change is always good and it isn't healthy (as you're probably now aware) to spend to much time together. Considering you were spending time together at home, on the weekends and at WORK ... it's way to much time!

being apart will make you both value your relationship more, which is exciting and you will genuinely miss him and look forward to seeing him when you aren't together. it's all tough to deal with at first but in the long run, it will most certainly strengthen your relationship.

i think you need to realise why you're feeling this way about your partner and why you're so deeply in love with him, hence the possessiveness. instead of being possessive, praise the fact that he's decided to be with you, enjoy the relationship and realise that he has chosen YOU and no-one else.

i hope you work this out but if you keep at it, the chances are you will push him away xx

Hi @missg thank you for your kind answer. It's my first time joining a forum and I already feel a lot better. I think writing things down really helps me untangle the emotions and thoughts I have in my head. Giving answers to others makes me feel happy and worthwhile.

Yes, I fully realize it's an issue because I feel unhappy and we fight a lot ever since. We've been together since uni, now we're both doctors and going to start our residency in different departments hence different units even different hospitals. The problem is that there will be almost no time for us to be together in residency. I know this is important to him as it is to me, but I feel like he's more okay with it than I am.

I appreciate the fact that he chose me, everyday. It's just if he spends way more time with other people than me, isn't it possible for feelings to grow? I trust him, but given the situation I think it's kind of unavoidable. There are cases of cheating among residents and separations even divorces are not uncommon.

I'm trying to make peace with myself because I know there's nothing wrong with him and I can't cling to him forever. I know I need to trust him and distance myself from him to give myself sense of independence and learn not to be overly attached with him.

Thanks again. It really helps to talk to other people with different perspectives :)

It's fine, I like speaking to other people about my issues too, it's great that's it's all anonymous.

it will be difficult at first but in time you will learn to accept it, and I praise you for becoming a doctor, well done!

stop thinking the worst, he won't cheat on you. :)

Try and work on your insecurities and you'll do just fine!

 

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