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Author Topic: Help! Happiness or security?

May 30, 2019, 11:19:56 AM
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So me and my boyfriend have been together for 10 years, we are both in our late twenties. We are not married. We do have two children together though.

We started dating right after I got out of high school and moved in with each other after only dating a few weeks. Our relationship was never great to be honest. But very quickly I relied on him financially, so always felt trapped in a sense. We argued a lot, he could never give me the attention that I needed. We have very different sex drives. Mine being high, his being low. Which always made me feel unwanted and unattractive.

Which brings me to us getting pregnant with baby #1, looking back I guess you could call this a band aid baby. I had him when I was 21. It didn't really get better, but as the years went on we learned to tolerate each other. We got more mature. 2 years later I had baby number two (she was an accident).

I feel like I have put a lot of things that are important to me on a back burner. He doesn't give me attention, he doesn't ever just hug or kiss me, he doesn't ever compliment me, like I mentioned our sex drives are very different. We don't enjoy the same activities or even see eye to eye on politics. He doesn't really get involved with the kids as much as I'd like, I do basically all the parenting. BUT he is a great provider and we are friends (I feel like we would make better friends than lovers). We have a house, brand new cars, family pets, my kids have everything they want and more, we go on vacations... We live very comfortably.

Recently I have lost weight, my kids are getting older so I started taking time to take care of myself. This has led me to get some attention from other males (nothing major or bad) and I'm questioning my relationship more than ever. We've gone to two different couples counselors and they both said they have no idea why we are together, because the things we argue about are pretty major (the sex/attention thing and financials, never any cheating or serious stuff). They also told me that he will never change so I need to accept things the way they are or move on.

I just don't know what to do. I don't feel truly happy... But I also don't know if "the grass is always greener on the other side". I'm not sure if its worth ending my financial security. I have a lot of doubts... Like what if I move out and never find someone else? One thing I know is even though things aren't the best, he is fully committed to me and would never cheat. Should I give those major things up for all the other things that don't make me happy? I'm also scared because I haven't worked for the majority of our relationship (due to being a stay at home mom), so I have no job, no money, the car and house are fully in his name. Nothing really belongs to me.


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