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Author Topic: Heartbroken and confused

May 01, 2020, 07:18:53 AM
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Southafrican


Hi everyone

I need some advice!

I dated my ex for 3 years and at the beginning everything was so amazing. He chased me so much to get me and we were both happy but so much has changed.

I admit that at the beginning of our relationship i had insecurities and a temper because he used to go onto social media and like other womens pics (not in jeans and a top,but very openly dressed pics). He used to tell other women he misses them and used to say they family or friends.

A lot of the time that we fought he would either ignore me or break up with me.each time he broke up with me i would call him and he would ignore my calls until eventually i get a hold of em. I would always chase and mend things.he would always blame me for the break up and say its good that he left me. I broke up with him 3 months ago because i went out for dinner with my mum on her birthday and he started accusing me of being out with my ex(1stly he made me change my number when we started dating and secondly he deleted every guy i ever knew) and i changed my number coz he was all that mattered to me.he never allowed me to be with my family.whenever there was an engagement or party,i had to give my family an excuse that im working. If i did go to a family event,he would message me telling me that im going to have sex with my cousins boyfriends and fall pregnant. I was never the type of woman to go after men or hoe around so this was never me.

Last year i found out that on 2 occassions,he has been 2 clubs behind my back but told me his either asleep or just chilling with friends. I found out by seeing his bank statement or he eventually told me like 6 months later on my birthday. He never apologised for it yet i forgave him,always trusted him afterwards and always gave him the benefit of the doubt.

He always had access to my phone he had my pin and would check my whatsapp emails messages and pics. He would check my emails and cause a fight over newsletters from clubs from way before we started dating. I never had access to his phone.i never had his pin but one day he left his phone open and i saw that he was emailing a lady friend from his past. This was from an email i never knew about.i asked him to block her and he refused but said he deleted her details instead. Before i left him in jan,he was drunk and told me he spoke to this same female for his birthday and it wasnt right that i asked him to block her.what hurtz me is that i was with him for the whole day on his birthday and he never mentioned it to me and the day after his birtbday he fought with me over these club newsletterz. Was it a sign of guilt?

He blocked me on whatsapp but i blocked him as well. I broke up with him coz i feel like the false accusations were getting out of hand he would call me a hoe if i wore a bodysuit top or a dress and i had to stop.he would tell me im still with my ex and busy with other men which isnt me at all. If i went on trips with my parents he would accuse me of being with men and want proof of me being with my parents. I recently seing that his being following women on insta and these women post of themselves with bras and panties yet he used to call me a hoe for wearing a dress. He would email me after we broke up and tell me i dont want him and i left him.this guilt makes me feel bad and makes me wonder if i made a mistake and this is my loss not his?

Also, i used to buy him anything he wanted and i lost my job coz of covid.once he heared about this he started to ignore me again.
 I lost my brother to suicide 6 years ago and it made me very suicidal so he would always tell me to kill myself lol coz im worthless and dissapointing.
Im not sure if i made the right choice by leaving him and what do i do to keep it this way?is this behaviour normal? Its hard when u truly love someone

May 01, 2020, 03:47:48 PM
Reply #1
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Astral Love


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May 01, 2020, 05:45:22 PM
Reply #2
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coolcandy527


Honestly, he sounds extremely toxic and you should be glad you got away from a guy like that. He will only bring you down, make you feel worse about yourself, and never support you or trust you. Him making you feel bad is manipulation.

I get that you are heartbroken but does being with him make you feel better or worse?

May 02, 2020, 08:46:08 AM
Reply #3
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Southafrican


Hi CoolCandy,

Thank you for the response.

Being with him made me stress out a lot and i would fear him a lot. If i had to buy groceries with my parents I would have to tell him and if i told him on the day,he would get angry at me.

I feel like its better for me to hurt now instead of being with him forever and being hurt all the time and have him do things behind my back.

I just wish it wasnt so hurtful.

May 02, 2020, 11:23:53 PM
Reply #4
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DreamGuyxo


It seems like you have genuine feelings for your ex boyfriend

Right now the best thing to do for yourself is ask yourself a question of Do you really want to be with this guy that you say all of these things that make you wonder about being with him

Is this guy really the one for you?

I would say you have your head up and you are a strong person

Guys are jealous all the time it’s just a part of who they are but it’s the question for you to answer if he’s the actual guy you would want to be with

If so, you can definitely try your hardest to understand his situation cause maybe it’s not always him that is expressing the “jealous” type maybe he could be insecure from your end (or not understanding your end at all) What’s best is to make it easier for him and slowly show him the things that he needs to be satisfied. And when you do that’s when you spark the chord and show him that things are all right and you are a great lady to be with.

It’s better for one person on another end to put in that extra effort than to not have anybody at all.

May 10, 2020, 06:34:03 AM
Reply #5
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Yamina


I'm sorry to read you have to go through all of this. It definitely sounds like a toxic situation.

I would advice you read up a bit on NPD personality. Sounds like your ex has a bit of that?

Good luck and take care :)

May 21, 2020, 08:52:45 AM
Reply #6
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tsiurkevych


There is a simple instruction https://bit.ly/2LLGbL9
how to make him want you and how to make him fall in love

May 21, 2020, 10:17:51 PM
Reply #7
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Tony


He sounds like he is controlling and not worth your time.

Move on and don’t waste a single breath thinking about this again.

May 22, 2020, 05:33:32 PM
Reply #8
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NarutoYi


Leaving him was the right choice.You did a lot for him and he didn’t appreciate those things.He was toxic and had bad behaviour.He lied to you and kinda cheated talking to other women.He made you feel bad and set boundaries to your life.That is a horrible boyfriend.You should be glad and happy you left him.He will realise one day that he was a jerk and lost a very amazing girl.Please be happy that you left him.I know you loved him but he made you feel bad and insecure and trust me there is a bigger love than that what you experienced.You can get and have a way bigger love than that.True love is much more.
Right now even if you feel sad remind yourself that this is a win and life is going to be so much better.Right now start working hard on yourself and your goals.You can feel free and enjoy the things you love and hanging out with your family.Imagine how good your life will be without boundaries.Use your past mistakes to guide you when finding your next boyfriend.Think of how happy will you be with the right boy for you.
You forgave and you gave you ex a lot of chances,this means you know how to love and how to make a good relationship.May your next relationship be the best ever.I know that soon you will be over this and thrive in happiness and goodness.Also I know that one day you will find your true love.
Please work on yourself and keep moving forward.Always remember that your are worth it and an amazing creature.
I wish you all the best.

 

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