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Author Topic: He threw my cutting issue in my face and I am not ready to forgive him

September 13, 2019, 09:05:33 PM
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AshGolden91


Hi everyone,

I am having a hard situation that is killing my anxiety. I have major depression, generalized anxiety disorder with panic attacks, and I cut myself sometimes. All of my mental health is something I am working on and go to bi weekly therapy and psychiatry monthly. I am a very emotional person. Sometimes when I am put in high stress unexpected situations I panic or get very frustrated.

Yesterday there was a situation where we had to cancel on my parents on the way to the restaurant for my birthday dinner to go help his friend that was drunk. His wife called saying he was having a drunk emergency with no other explanation. I got frustrated because while I am driving I have to call my parents and cancel when they were already at the restaurant then quickly change routes to go help his friend.

While i was very annoyed I didnt say anything rude or disrespectful to my boyfriend I just expressed that I was pissed I had to cancel on my parents for something I dont even know what it is. Then he said I was being a hypocrite, when i asked why he said "because when you cut yourself so deep and have issues that is fine."

I was so shocked and taken back because my cutting is a secret NO ONE other than my best friend and my boyfriend know this about me. I do not call people and tell them when I cut and ask for help. I do it secretly. Im not proud of it. I just dont understand why that was even relevant to say. 

So today I am feeling very off and uncomfortable because of him saying that. He has apologized for saying it and I thanked him for his apology and told him that I am happy that he understands what he said was wrong. But i am just not okay yet mentally. Now he is mad at me. He is mad that i cant just let it go. He thinks im selfish and do not care about his feelings. I dont know what to do. I am not ready to forgive him and move on. Throwing cutting in a cutter's face is about the most detrimental thing you can do to their recovery.

What am I doing wrong? how can I fix this?

 

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