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Author Topic: he got mad at me and he doesn't respond

May 29, 2019, 11:10:54 PM
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I have known this guy for a month or so. I think we were close to bf/gf. He was living far from me, so we have talked over messenger for a month and then he finally came to my city and we met several days ago. (met several times in person) I could feel he liked me a lot.
We even said that we were perfect for each other and promised that we should try our best not to ruin this relationship. (btw i m 31, he's 36 yrs old)

However the day before yesterday and yesterday i said something wrong and he got upset about it. He said i speak too aggressively. I think it was an insignificant thing but he took it big. He became really cold and doesn't respond my messages now. I sent him messages that i want to apologize in person and wanna give him a neck massage. (One day i asked him how be becomes when he's angry. He said he doesn't talk anything but he will feel better if i give him a neck massage.) He read my messages but doesn't reply me back..

If it was a long term relationship, i would just visit his house and say sorry. But it's an early stage. So i think i'd better not do it.
I don't know whether he's just expressing his anger now or he doesn't want to see me anymore. I really like him so don't want to lose him! If i send him a message, how long should i wait? and what should i say to him?

May 30, 2019, 09:42:23 AM
Reply #1


Hope I'm not coming across too insensitive.  Forums are never the best at expressing thoughts.

You said something wrong and his attitude was to do an about turn and not talk after all the time you had been communicating.

I would of thought if he wants to be with you that much he would want to say why he's so angry and talk it out then you can both work it out.  Then move on.

[I can't built up a picture accurately, i don't know how long you spoke face to face compared to on messenger]
It might be talking all that time over messenger he built up messenger style picture of you and when you said something wrong it altered that perception in his head.   It's almost as if he's comparing messenger chat to real life face to face chat.  When on messenger chat it's easier to have time to think before replying.  When talking face to face, all the emotions are used(face, body language, tone of voice etc...)

All I think you can do is just say your sorry and if he want to talk about it over messenger(where it seems he feels comfortable?) and then all you can do is wait to talk it out behind a screen. 

Sorry it's not my place to judge, but it does seem odd, like he's over sensitive and feels safer talking to you via messenger?  But again i don't know all details and it's none of my business.

If it was me personally based on what you have said.  I'd message how i feel then leave it for a reply if i didn't hear anything after a few weeks.  I'd message to find out how much the person really does value the relationship and that i have to move on if  it goes on too long, then leave it for another few weeks.  If nothing or I'd get an aggressive answer then personally I'd have to consider it over and move on.  Life is too short and it is hard when feelings are involved, but sometimes one has think of ones self.

I hope it works out for you in the end,  Best of luck!  Again sorry if any emotional distress of my post, as i say internet text in any form is never the best form of conversion, because one can't hear the tone at which a persons says it.
« Last Edit: May 30, 2019, 06:47:59 PM by Elliott »
Former CIA Officer Will Teach You How to Spot a Lie: *Link Removed*

May 30, 2019, 10:27:14 AM
Reply #2


Like the reply above me try apologizing again and if he doesn't answer then it wasn't meant to be. I think he's overreacting quite a bit. If he is acting like this now, imagine down the road over more serious matters. You can find someone else who understands you and accepts you!  :)

May 30, 2019, 11:27:23 AM
Reply #3


I'm going to be straight up with you - no candy coating here.

This guy sounds like the type of guy that likes to play games - that's cool if that's the type of relationship you want, but if not, and if you guys aren't serious, I would re-think your decision about wanting to be with him.  People that play games usually do so because of some inner issue; they are narcissistic, they NEED to feel drama, they NEED to feel wanted (and do so in the wrong way), they NEED to make you worried about the relationship and every little thing you do to them that they don't like, etc. 

This guy?  This guy is playing games with you.  If you are on this forum worried about something you did that was so minute and simple now, just imagine 1 year or 5 years from now.  I'm big on gauging relationships in the first few weeks or months of getting to know someone.  If you see a red flag like this, chances are it's only going to get worse as time goes on.


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