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Author Topic: Fiance, depression, drug issues

December 03, 2019, 07:26:57 PM
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This is a long story.. so hang in there.

My past relationship of four years was full of lies and emotional turmoil for me.
He would message girls (including his ex), go to girls homes when I was away and not tell me.. then he would also Take class a drugs (after I had mentioned I refuse to go out with a "coke user" for lack of a better phrase. As I knew he had friends who take it) so he knew my thoughts on this matter. Then He and all of my friends lie to my face for a year about his drug use and when I found out tried to convince me that it was great and I should try it.. to which I made the awfully tough decision to end it for my own sanity...
So.. I had a really great friend who was a huge part of me getting through this awful breakup. They would talk to me till 3am and listen to me go through my depression and I'd talk to them about their own issues.. we then lose contact..

Fast forward almost 2 years later.. we are back in contact and.. he asks me out on a date.. so again fast forward we have our first owned house and are engaged..
This all seems great right..
Ok ..
So I knew about his depression from when we were just friends.. I didn't know just how bad it really was. It seems to be getting worse! I thought when we moved into out first home and he got this better job everything would get better but.. he seems to be the worst he's ever been. He's gone back to therapy.. but.. He's not improving.. all I hear is negativity and how he's unhappy , he's bored, he doesn't care about anything... Now I'm here trying to be the one positive thing in his life.. I've done a lot of work.. I got him to go to therapy, I sorted the house out.. I made him apply for the job because he almost decided he didn't think he would get it so I helped him do the application... and now he's on better pay which was a big issue for him in his previous job.. I've seen him at his very worst.. and I'm still here. He says he knows he should be happy but he doesn't feel anything or he just feels sad. He has no goals no matter how hard I try and get him to try new things he will not even try it.. he just thinks nothing will work..he has no self esteem..  it's like he wants to be happy but doesn't want to try anything new or put any work in to change his behaviour.. I can't do it all for him... He's also turned to drugs use... same one as my ex.. and it was the reason that relationship ended.. and the fact that he knew about that because he was there... and still does it.. it really hurt me because its just pure disrespect .. so we are working through that at the moment..  he also questions me on an almost daily basis about my past partners.. he makes up scenarios in his head that have never happened and then makes me feel guilty for things that didn't happen and insinuates I'm lying... ..

I have no one to talk to about this..  I'm running out of things to do... it's exhausting being the only positive person in the house all the time just to be ignored and made to feel bad for things that have never happened.
How can I help someone who won't help themselves?!
Any advice on this would be great. I'm just at a loss here.
« Last Edit: December 03, 2019, 07:31:56 PM by Caty2020 »


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