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Author Topic: Feeling really empty inside

October 07, 2019, 05:38:53 PM
Read 1238 times


I just don’t know where to go to talk about my feelings and struggles. I don’t want to bother my friends with the same topic, and my appointment with my counsellor is not for another week.

It’s been 19 months now since my bf broke up with me. He came back about 4 months ago for a second chance, but left after a month. I can’t seem to move on since then, all my feelings are rushing back. Some days I feel great, happy, positive, but other days like today, I feel so hurt and sad, can’t seem to stop crying.

He was a horrible bf in the last year of our relationship, string me along telling me lies about wanting a future with me, while flirting with other girls and then eventually broke up with me for someone else. He admitted that he stop loving me a year before he broke up with me. I know his a horrible person and not someone I want a future with, but why can’t I stop missing the old him. Why do deep down I still hoping he come back the third time as a change man. Why do I keep holding on? Even though I don’t even know if I can trust or accept him if he ever come back again.

Earlier in the relationship, he was an amazing bf. He was sweet, caring, he put up with my temper and always say how much he love me. Part of me feel like maybe it was me and my temper that drove him away, I blame myself for sabotaging my relationship, even he said that I was the one that sabotaged it. We always fight and when we fight I can’t seem to cool down quick, I end up wanting to break up because I felt he make no effort anymore. I can’t stop replaying the scenarios in my head and I feel like a horrible person, like I changed him to become this lier and cold hearted person. I feel responsible and that I deserve to be in pain now for hurting him back then, hIs hurting me was like my karma.

I feel so drown in my emotions. Sorry for being so negative on here. I try to distract myself but all I can think of is him.

October 09, 2019, 03:42:20 AM
Reply #1


Sorry to hear you're feeling that way. I guess I have been in a similar head space in the past but for different reasons. The best and only piece of advice I feel I can give and really helped me is to focus on yourself, find that self love you are missing and maybe lost from the breakup of your relationship. Find ways to distract yourself and make you happy. I started going to the gym, going to the beach or local creek instead of staying at home feeling terrible. I started eating healthy, well mainly just putting myself first and really looking after my emotional, physical and spiritual self. In time I had more respect for myself to worry about what made me feel so crap.

October 09, 2019, 12:13:31 PM
Reply #2


Sorry your feeling the way you are.  Just know in time it will get easier.

October 12, 2019, 09:34:26 AM
Reply #3


Hi, it's a week since you posted.  How are you feeling?  I just joined today.  Ah, beating ourselves up over a guy that didn't treat us well.  Blaming ourselves for someone's bad behavior.  First up, I'm glad you were able to claim responsibility for your own temper and issues and that you are seeking professional help.  When we meet someone sometimes they put on a face that isn't really who they are, in time their true personality, true self comes out and that's why we blame ourselves for the change in them when it's who they were all along.

I read another response and the guy was spot on.  It is time to take care of yourself.  It is time to discover who you are, what you want, the things that you love to do without anyone else.  Example.....I love hiking.  I love taking myself out into the woods or the mountains.  I could wander for hours with my dogs loving the solitude, the peace.  No men, no drama.  We need that for ourselves.  We need to create a life that is ours.  If a person shows up to share it with us cool, if not, that's cool to because we've created a place, a space that we're happy in all on our own. 

Be good to yourself.  Fall in love with you.

October 12, 2019, 01:59:12 PM
Reply #4


I’m sorry to hear that you’re going through this tough time. In future you will see that this experience has taught you great life lesson. Although it really sucks right now.

October 14, 2019, 01:25:50 AM
Reply #5


Sorry you feel this way. Relationships are so hard.

October 22, 2019, 08:33:31 AM
Reply #6


Thank you everyone for your comments. I am feeling a lot better these days, but still seem to have at least one day a week where I feel really down but it nowhere as bad as before. You're right, I need to start focusing on myself more and do things that i like. My friend been taking me hiking and just random road trips, its really helping and I really enjoy it. I've been going out more as well, trying to catch up with all my friends who I feel that I have neglect when i was in a relationship. 

I did however look back at some of the msgs between my ex and I, with one msg of him telling me how sweet and caring i am and when his with me and hug me, he feel at peace, but at the same time he was feeling like his robbed himself of his freedom to be him. i guess I should of been smarter and pick that up as a sign he want to be single and explore other possibilities. I don't regret my relationship with him even though he changed a lot and was really mean at the end, I feel I have learnt and grow a lot from it. I just hope this pain will eventually disappear.


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