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Author Topic: Feeling guilty

December 02, 2019, 03:12:06 PM
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I have been married to my husband for 3 years, we have been together for 5 years. I am 26, he is 29. He is a wonderful man, and works long hours. We want for nothing. I work part-time and look after the house. Outside of the bedroom, life is really good. In the bedroom though, we have had a change of events which has been very good, however I do feel a bit guilty over it. I'll try to explain.

Not long after the wedding, our sex life dropped a bit, and went on a downhill slope. I like him initiating sex, and am nearly always willing. He is very attentive to my pleasure. He makes sure we both feel very satisfied after sex. The infrequency of sex though was really getting me down. I know he is tired a lot from the long hours he works, but I could not help feeling a little neglected.

About 6 months ago, I caught him masturbating to porn. That hurt me. I really couldn't fathom out why he would resort to porn when he has me willing to please him. Don't get me wrong, I was aware he masturbated. I do too. It was just seeing it while I was feeling neglected, I burst into tears. We had a long talk about where we are and the lack of sex. He was genuinely sorry, and willingly took the blame. He gave his reasons, like how much work sex can be compared to a 'quick fix' of masturbating. However, he really enjoys sex with me compared to masturbating. And he felt so guilty he took full responsibility, he made me a promise. He would not orgasm from now on without my permission. He said this would stop him masturbating, which in turn would mean his only sexual release would be with me. And that his promise would also mean that I would be able to have the amount of orgasms I wanted before I granted his release. That night, he took me to bed, and really worked hard. I had 6 orgasms before I said he could cum. It really was fantastic. And after that marathon, we cuddled up and he stayed 'handsy', and gave me another orgasm before we went to sleep.

From that point, we only went like 1 night at most without sex. Our sex life was back, and I felt truly wanted and desired again. Then we had another change. About a month after our rejuvenated sex life, I had a rather stressful day at work. I had to stay back and do overtime to fix a crisis. Once I got home, my husband spoiled me. He actually cooked dinner and cleaned up. Then when we went bed, I actually said to him that I just wanted a 'quick fix' and to sleep rather than full sex tonight. He offered to go down on me and call it a night. It sounded good, so I accepted. He gave me a nice orgasm, then held me as I fell sleep.

That changed the dynamic again. I realised he gave me an orgasm, and I hadn't reciprocated. He seemed perfectly happy about it. So the next night, I tried the same thing. I asked him if he could give me 2 orgasms with his tongue, then go to sleep. He happily obliged. The next day my period hit. So for the next 3 days, sex was off the table. He admitted to have been climbing the walls towards the end of my period. The next night, he about ravished me. It was the most passionate sex we have had. I had to admit, that it turned me on that he waited for sexual release, and was still determined that my pleasure be his first goal.

So for the next 3 months, we had sex nearly every night. However, while I had as many orgasms as I could get, I didn't always let him cum. Once I denied him an orgasm for a week. The more I denied him, the more horny he got and the more turned on I got. Also, I of course was still allowed to masturbate. I went from my usual porn, and found out that what we were/are doing is an actual fetish. It's called orgasm denial. Once it became clear to me this is what we are playing, I talked to him about it. I wanted to know if being made to wait turned him on or not. It did turn me on! It turned out, he loved pleasing me. And when he did orgasm, it is now much stronger than when he was cumming every day. And he feels much happier that he is not masturbating anymore. Though he also said that being made to wait is not a turn on for him. And that it can get highly frustrating. And that some nights he can't sleep well, especially if I had ridden him to several orgasms (For penetrative sex that he isn't allowed to orgasm, we double condom him). And he also said that, for a 29 year old male, he thinks being rationed on his orgasms means he might be missing out on more sexual pleasure in his life. If perhaps if he were 49 and doing this, it would make more sense. Though, he is perfectly happy to carry on. He doesn't want me to relinquish him of his promise to me. So for right now, our sex life is explosive. I am having more and better orgasms than ever before. And my husband is happy. But I do feel guilty over it. I know I am being selfish. It's just I have permission to be selfish, and he doesn't want to go back to how things were before. And he fully admits, that if his orgasms were in his own hands, he would go back to masturbating to porn, no matter how much he tried not to.

I think I have covered this the best I can. I would like to show him the replies to this post. We are both happy, I am feeling guilty for being selfish, and he feels he is missing out a bit, but does not want to go back to how things were. So what do you guys think? Girls and guys are welcome to respond. Input from both would be helpful.

Thank you,

Sophie x

December 03, 2019, 08:16:25 AM
Reply #1

Captain Black

The best plan IMO for both of you is to get around a table and talk . Not quite a contract but a list of wants from both of you and then cross tick and discuss . You may feel that you may both want to go into light kink more such as an introduction of a blindfold for example. These type of things you need to talk about to make sure both of you are happy

To make him frustrated is not the way to go . I think your right to feel guilty . Making him frustrated is heading for trouble and I am sure the last thing you want is for him to stray . That is what will happen as sure as night follows day unless you  change direction .

So over a nice dinner either cooked at home or out start talking sex. Its not a taboo subject .

December 03, 2019, 10:01:20 AM
Reply #2


Thanks for the reply. And I agree, keeping him frustrated is not ideal. If he enjoyed the frustrstion, then it would be ideal, but he actually doesn't.

As for the 'talk'. We are very open about discussing sex. We both realise that sex can be mental as much as it is physical. And have tried a few links in the past. This one though, we fell into by accident.

We have discussed this issue several times at length, and keep coming up with the same problem.

We are now having more sex than ever before. Which we both feel is awesome. If I don't grant him permission for release, we are guaranteed sex the next day, which he will initiate.

The more I deny him an orgasm, the more sex we have.

The issue we are wrangling with is that he would like to ease the frustration more, but he completely agrees that the more orgasms he has, the less sex we have. And we both love the intensity and amount of sex we are having right now.

We have gone from about once a week, to between 5-10 times a week. In which he will orgasm between 1-3 times. And this is where the guilt comes in. I can orgasm anywhere between 15-50 times a week!

If he actually enjoyed the kink, it would all be perfectly wonderful. He has been honest enough to say he doesn't. He loves our new sex life. He much prefers not to be masturbating. And he won't relinquish his promise to me.

We have talked this though several times. The main issue is that as I love him dearly, its important to me that he is happy with our sex life. And as he has unwanted frustration, I do get pangs of guilt. Even though he is, and has been more than willing to continue this kink for my complete satisfaction. And his sacrifice is a huge turn on for me, which in turn makes him more determined to withold his own orgasm until I allow him.

We can't figure out a way of easing his frustration, while maintaing the high level of sex we are currently partaking in. That's about the crux of it....

March 04, 2020, 08:50:51 AM
Reply #3


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