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Author Topic: ex gf is suicidal and gave me an ultimatum, need advice

April 22, 2019, 11:59:22 AM
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lilbutterfly


me and my ex-gf (has been like a month again that she broke things off) have kinda some big probem rn, she is very depressed and suicidal and she gave me an ultimatum: if she does it she doesnt want me to text her sister or she would block me everywhere and not talk to me ever again, just got me out of her life if i try to interfere in her wish to kill herself. this is very stressful for me tbh bc i dont want her to do that and bc it pushes me into a loss-loss situation where i cant handle either loss, especially due to me suffering from borderline personality disorder. either i lose her due to her killing herself or to saving her - how do i handle this situation the best way possible? idk what to do, should i text her sis and tell her not to tell her - but what if she finds out i mean that is already obvious so idk what to do, would you please get give me advice on that? i would appreciate it a lot, it's really so hard for me especially when you love that person more than anything in this world and you just want the best for them but i honestly dont know what to do, i mean i had that situation with her already quite some times and i always managed to calm her and convince her but now im really scared to lose her after she already lost herself. also wanted to mention that we live kinda far away so it's not possible for me to just
take care of her and seek her help - the only way is her parents, which are unfortunately very intolerant and ignorant when it comes to her mental health, she did tell them quite some times
and they ignored it and made fun of it which i think also resulted in her not wanting help bc she may not even get it EVEN if she would want it. i dont want anything bad to happen to her and i want her to be happy, she always says that she doesnt think she'll ever be happy but that i make everything better and easier - but why would she cut me off that easily then? i just want to support her and be there for her and if she seeks help, she needs at least someone by her side and since she aint got actual friends im the one who wants to be here to support her through that but how if she wants to cut me off when all i want is to help her? she is currently on vacation so she wont do anything there but im scared when she comes back the situation is gonna get way worse and i just dont got that much time left to find the best solution in this scenario - that's why im reaching out here for advice and support and would appreciate it a lot, if someone had some experience with that kind of scenarios or knows how to handle that situation with her not killing herself or cutting the only person who supports her fully out of her life, please respond. thank you very much in advance!

April 22, 2019, 09:45:53 PM
Reply #1
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CaraEmber


This is tricky. As someone with severe depression and anxiety (plus some trauma), I have been in a similar place to her right now. I have also been the person sitting in the waiting area of the emergency room after my dad tried to kill himself. I've seen both sides of this story, and the thing she needs right now is help. I know that you want to be the person to support her because you love her and want her safe, but she seems to have made it rather clear that that is not what she wants, nor does she want her sister to know about her suicidal thoughts/plan. My first instinct is to suggest that you contact a suicide prevention line or, if you believe that she is in immediate danger, to contact local police and ask them to do a wellness check. You can tell the police that she has been saying things about harming herself and that you want to make sure that she gets the help she needs. The situation may very well escalate to police going to her home and possibly checking her into a psychiatric hospital for a few days or longer. I feel as though this may be your best solution because you alone cannot save her, and keeping her safe is more important than you playing the role of the hero. She may realize that it was you that reported her, and this may very well lead her to ending contact with you, but at least she would be safe and getting the help that she needs.

 

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